misogyny and girls

[perseus]

My situation is hard to explain.

 

Girls for whatever reason don't want to talk to me, they have no interest in me, and seem to care less if I existed or not.

 

I will admit my social skills are not that great, and because of that, I feel girls are freaked out by me or something. I will admit I am the worst when it comes to flirting (anyone want to help me in that department?)

 

When I try to engage in conversation (which is hard for me to initiate anyway due to my social anxiety) with them, such as how was your weekend, they say, "it was good" or if i ask did you do anything fun? they say "i didn't do much"...i mean crap how boring! Then when some other guy asks the same thing, she'll tell him "oh i went to this party..." etc etc and go through all the details. WHy to him, why not me?

 

All I want is some female companionship, and for some reason, no one seems to care.

 

Its creating a situation where I am really starting to hate girls. Just because all of thse feelings make me think that everyone is being so shallow. OK so maybe I don't live up to some mega-attractive image, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to me! ANd I know all of you readers are thinking: "well gee you must be a boring person." well no, i am not. I have plenty of interests which I would love to share with everyone. I am skilled at what I do.

 

I recently was happy learning recently that this girl in my class starting crying cause other guys were making fun of her.

 

Well, how can I positively work out my problem? My friends also think I am odd cause I dont talk about girls. Well how can I if none of em give a crap about me? How can I if all of my conversations consist of "hey hows it going" kind of crap?

 

I apologize for the tone of this post. I am mad cause I feel like the only way for a girl to like me is if I live up to some huge image which I can't do cause that is just not me!

 

-perseus

[alexcorretja]

dear perseus

 

what dave..yep..dave said is absolutely untrue and downright rude. just completely ignore his comment. Because, after all, girls aren't into the guys looks as much as we (guys) are into the girls' looks (at least at our age - assuming you are a teenager or young adult).

and especially as girls mature by growing up, they will be more interested in your subtle personality and content of your character rather than pure looks. i'm not saying that you are in anyway unattractive, of course i don't even know what you look like. what i'm implying is that the "game" is more important than the "package". it's simple, just look at the lovely couples on the street and school! how many times have you seen that an ugly unattractive guys are holding hands of a sexy hottie or a bomb! the answer is definitely many times! girls would be more interested in a guy who has a sense of humor, who is sensitive to their feelings, and can support and understand them, - than a simple surfer type blonde with six packs. and if girls do at this point of your life, it is because they are either not mature enough or superficial. you will also be surprised how many good looking guys are single because they are "all-looks-no-game" type.

anyways, the bottom line is, in my opinion, guys' looks would be about 20% significant in getting chicks, while the other 80% comes from your character

[dave..yep..dave]

um alexcorretja, maybe it was like that in the fifties, or Canada, but in the states I have rarely seen a unattractive man with a "hottie".

lets face it most men (some women) base their first impression on the opposite sex on how they look. if its some kind of thing where they see each other often (at a job or school) then they would get to know each other. im not saying everyone on earth is shallow but if you cant stay in a conversation with a girl it's a number of things:

 

1. Your repulsive.

2. You have bad hygene.

3. You are boring. If you have interests they are not interesting to the opposite sex.

4. They can tell right off the bat that you are desperate.

 

Im just saying what you dont want to hear but it is true. All of that senstive crap is a cover-up.

[eterna2]

u noe something? the way to treat pple like "Dave...yep...dave" is just to pretend they dun exist. So stop replying to Dave, or flaming him. He is a bug not worth noticing. Period.

 

getting back to the important thing. well, the thing is just relaz when u r been with girls. actually u dun have to talk much if u are with a bunch of them. they will naturally chat alot, and u just sit along and smile/nod once in awhile.

 

the thing is relaz, just treat them like ur guy buddies. dun really need to have any particular aims. just be urself the thing is u must understand tat pple have moods, i think sometimes, pple are just not feeling up to chatting, so learn to just ease up and give them some space and dun take things too hard.

[SwingFox]

Hi,

 

Eterna and Alex are right in more ways than I can count. The most important thing is that you stay yourself. I have been REALLY shy till I was about 22. I didn't talk much, either. The reason behind that is because I have been pestered/ignored all my childhood and school years during my teenage years. That does something to you.

 

I didn't have internet the way you can find things now in forums. My advice is: just take things easy. Keep trying to talk to girls ... that's what I did and at some point it started to work. Make them little compliments and just say "Hi" to them. The important thing is body language. Show a cheerful face when you say hi or make a compliment. That helps

 

Last but not least there are training sessions for you. Start to ask your school counselor if you're still in school or find some on-line. I believe that they are called "training social skills" or "personal effectiveness".

 

Good luck!! You can do it!!

 

~ SwingFox ~

 

PS: dave..yep..dave - I am going to moderate your posts, see your pm for more info.

[Mischivo]

Have you ever considered that they don't really tell you much about their lives because they don't know you well? Face it, if a stranger walks up to a girl and says "hi, what'd you do this weekend?", she'll feel mighty awkward, unless the stranger is super sociable or very attractive.

 

Anyway, you need to stop going up to them and saying stuff like that, don't do it! Go up to them if you actually need something, or if you're actually interested, don't expect them to fill in the gaps. They won't do it, especially if your body language is saying what you're intending... they'll just retreat.

 

Or you could play the smartass game. You ask a girl what she did and she says "nothing", follow up with something like "wow, so you just sat around for 2 days staring at the wall?"

 

There are 3 things that might be wrong with you:

1. You are extremely ugly

2. You are trying to talk to people that really couldn't care less because they dont' know you at all. Going up to someone suddenly and out of the blue rarely works. You have to build up on it.

3. You're approaching girls that are WAY out of your league, talk to ugly chicks, they talk to anyone who isn't mean to them

[simulacra]

How old are you? Could it be that you're just going through an awkward stage? What friendships and relationships consist of in high school versus college/university are silightly different.

 

I was never noticed in high school by the guys. There could be a number of reasons why people don't talk to you or approach you. It's partly to do with the social environment. In high school if you're not in the cliques, it will be pretty unlikely that a girl that you have an eye on (probably one of the more popular ones) will come up to you and want to be your friend. That's just the shallowness of high school social life.

 

Once I was in a different environment (ie. uni/college) where there are a lot more diverse people and the social settings are different (not so much based on reputation and cliques), I started interacting with a lot more people and everything just came naturally. Guys will go up to girls and girls will go up to guys if they're interested (not necessarily even in a romantic context).

 

The other thing has to do with the people you are approaching. Why not notice that quiet girl sitting in the corner of the class? She will probably be more interesting than anyone who is well known by everyone. And she will probably have lots of unique interests just as you do. It's kind of ironic sometimes... that quiet girl you overlook may be so much like you... and maybe to her you are the one she is admiring from afar...

 

In the meantime, why don't you try socializing more with female cousins and the like? Do you have any that are around your age? If it is (female) companionship you want, they need not be romantic. Sometimes the things you want most (ie. to have female friends, to be with a girl) come to you when you least expect them to and when you are confident with yourself all around.

[muscleheadphilosopher]

The reason isn't because you have a social anxiety so much as it is because women are social-elitists who';s primary concern is how they can elevate themselves among their own reich of shallow self serving minions. Thats why when women ask their husbands "which shoes should i wear" they do the exact opposite of his recommendation. women dont care for or want our opinions. They are solely alive to compete with other women and elevate themselves by marrying someone with money or dating the "coolest guy in school"

 

While there are exceptions to that rule, they are usually the ones who are more masculine and careerminded so nonetheless have their own self serving agendas. truth be told a woman will never do anything selfless unless there is some way she can be rewarded or brag about it, or look wonderful in front of her counterparts. So don't beat yourself up trrying to get them to like you man,,, be like the guys who they pursue,, the players who trteat them like garbage,,,, they like them because A. they can relate to their personalities. and B. because they dont feel like they own them or can control them.

 

 

go out there and stop giving a crap about them my brother,

Muscleheadphilosopher

[TrooperMojo]

Muscleheadphilosopher, I couldn't agree more!! Women really don't care about anything but themselves. Everything they do is designed to impress other women, not men. Men are just their pawns or pets, used to cause jealousy and envy in other women.

 

If you want to keep a girlfriend remember this simple rule:

 

All women want is to be treated like infants. I realize this is anecdotal to some extent but every relationship I've seen that's worked was because the guy constantly caved in to everything the woman wanted, talked to her like she was a child and let her manipulate him into thinking he was always wrong. Women, largely because they're socialized to think they're helpless, constantly crave attention and reassurance. Any good boyfriend has to remember that the very last thing their girlfriend wants is to feel independent.

 

Next time one of your guy friends talks to his girlfriend pay attention to the pitch of his voice or the words he uses. You'll notice it's the same phenomenon as when people talk to small children. The interesting thing is though, women eat this up! They adore it! Think about why that is.

 

Of course this is probably rooted in evolution too. Women pick mates who have good parenting skills as well as resources. Genes play a role as well, so you can't totally discount physical appearance, but not to the same extent as for men. If you have money and are able to treat her like a child, she'll think you're going to be a good father and you'll probably get any woman you want!

 

Just keep the fact that she won't ever care about you or your feelings in the back of your mind. Being a good boyfriend means being a good actor and liar, plain and simple. Treat her like a child without blatently doing so or confessing to doing so. Realize that no matter how many times she says she loves you, you're just her pet in her mind.

 

I wish it were different but that's life. You should watch the movie "In the Company of Men" if you get the chance... it's GREAT!

 

Good luck!

MOJO