please explain in more about NC

[aloneagain41]

Help me understand the NC rule. He broke it off with me so obviously me calling him won't make things better. For those that don't know the situation, we love eachother and I think bottom line he just wasn't ready to take on this relationship. We had a wonderful, respectful, fun, caring, magical relationship for 3 months.

 

So what does one do? Aren't there situations where "what if" he wants to call but is too afraid? I mean you know the "someone has to make the first move"...or does that not count? I know that if I contact and don't get the reaction or read the reaction the wrong way it could devastate me further. I also feel that if I don't contact he may think that I have totally given up....but then again that is what break up means right? I hold on to the hope that he gets through this dark place and comes back to me, but how long does one wait and hope (yes I know that I will know when the time comes to let go), but I dunno I"m hoping for the "gold written HE WILL RETURN" to come and it never is because no one really knows. But if he and I don't talk after having shared so much....oh I don't know. Just as crushed today as I was 4 days ago.

 

I need to get to work...thanks for listening.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I read your other posts and I think he did like some men do...all the "I love you", "I never met anyone like you", "My heart skips a beat when I see you" clichéd lines that are often used to woo the woman in the first few months...then it all falls apart. You have only been together three months and he is so madly in love with you! Please. Then he talks about how screwed up he is and needs time blah blah. More like he realized this was not going to be a permanent relationship for him and so he is trying to let you down easy...the good old "it's not you, it's me" clichéd line. This guy was full of clichés and I would suggest that you completely back away and forget about him. If he really cared that much about you he wouldn't be walking away spewing out tinned lines. Please put this into perspective...you got swept off your feet by an expert and now he is walking away as is typical of men who play that kind of game. Stick to NC and if he really cares he will come back..but you should move on and put this into perspective.

[Convoluted]

No contact does not mean giving up on a relationship. NC means giving the other person the space they need to make the decisions in life that will make them happiest. Sometimes this means they will come back to you, however, most times it just means it's time to move on. If this person is for you, he will come back, but that's not your decision to make, no matter how much you want it to be.

[aloneagain41]

Though I honestly can't say that he didn't really love me. I'm 41 and have had plenty of crappy relationships with guys who tell you one thing and do another and as much as you will think I'm nuts, he was different. He was honest, kind, and treated me with respect a natural respect not a forced one (talk about a "cliche", he reminded me of my dad - there's a first). I thank you for your response and I will probably not have a choice but to move on, but I don't think he fits the "cliche" type...he is honest and deeply caring and I don't feel "taken" or lied to.

[ycmanvs]

NC helps you to move on with your life and focus on your needs. It also gives your ex time to miss you and see what life is like without you. If they still want you in their lives, once they figure out what they are missing, they will contact you. If they do not contact you, then they do not want you back and you have your answer.

NC should not be done with the hope of getting the ex back though. It is a tool to help you get over your ex.

[D_Lish]

Just read your other posts....

 

I think that the reasons he gave you for ending the relationship, were a pile of crap...

Men don't end relationships with a woman they 'truly' love and because a womans ex may have been a 'dead beat'....

 

The relationship involved YOU and HIM......not your ex.

 

I'm also finding it hard to buy the fact, that he wanted to wait for a year to introduce you to his kids?? Why a year??? Sorry, but I think this has been an excuse and I don't think he had any intention of introducing to his kids at all and because he knew this relationship wasn't going to last and that he didn't intend being around, for the long haul.....

 

This may seem harsh....I don't mean it too.

Just saying things as I see them.