Getting better

[phoenixgirl]

It’s been almost 5 months since the breakup. Feels like a lifetime.

He’s found his happiness. I haven’t followed his myspace or his girlfriend’s lately. Maybe they are already engaged, or maybe they are already married. Either way I won’t be surprised. He seemed very happy, and made the girl very happy.

I had a really hard time accepting the fact that he replaced me so quickly (and he might actually have already hooked up with her before we breakup). It makes me wonder whether he really loved me as he always claimed, or he was just using me as a long-time backup till he found this ideal girl for him. But anyway, I am feeling better now.

I realize I am thinking of him less and less. And sometimes when I think of him, it doesn’t hurt as much as before. I guess I am healing.

Memories are fading. I can focus more on things to make ME feel better. Weeks ago when I was doing some “cool” things, all I could think of was that “too bad I cannot tell him i am doing this”. But now I can enjoy more just for myself.

I guess I just want to post this here to say, yes time does heal. It might take shorter or longer, but it does its magic, as long as you keep yourself strong.

Also I want to share with you what make me feel better. Many of them sound cliche, and easy said than be done. Anyway, if they can help anyone who's still suffering now, that will be great.

1. Remind myself of things we are NOT compatible about. If things were really that great, if he was really that great, we would not have broken up. Everything happens for a reason. In my case, one problem (among many others) is his financial irresponsibility. For a guy with about $50,000 debt, he has no intention to improve his credit and was still planning to buy this and buy that. That’s not a person I want to have a family with. I am not saying that you should blame the ex. But he’s definitely not perfect or “perfect for me”.

2. Forgive. Forgive what he did, and forgive yourself. I see so many girls beating themselves up for ruining their relationships. I did exactly the same. But you have to forgive yourself. It’s not all your fault. Every failed relationship has regrets. It’s ok to regret (a little), but dwelling on what you said or did wrong leads to nowhere.

3. Accept reality. In my case, I tell myself that they are happy together now. I am nobody in his life, and we are just completely strangers. Sound cruel. But that’s reality, and part of "life sucks". But so what? If I cannot accept that, I would still have false hope that one day we will get back together. Again, that would lead to nowhere.

4. Keep yourself busy. I have a busy work schedule, and it helps a lot. It forces me to shift my mind from the past, and (even some small) accomplishments make me feel better about myself.

5. Try new hobbies. I started taking piano lessons. And I am trying to improve my cooking. I just realize that I am a pretty good cook! Hooray!

6. Examine the past. I read some diaries I kept before, and realized that my ex-ex-ex and this ex are actually very similar, although I thought they were so different. It got me thinking about why I got involved with this particular type of men, and how I should work on my self-esteem so that I can avoid this type in the future.

7. Exercise! Force yourself to go to the gym. I run and do yoga, and always feel great after finishing a 1 hour drill.

8. Tell yourself that you are strong, stronger than you thought. And be proud of yourself that you can be this strong.

[Abbygail]

Thanks, your post is very inspiring to me.

[phoenixgirl]

You are very welcome. I got a lot of inspiration from ENA. Glad to pay it forward.