I really need some insight on how to deal with this

[suzie]

Hi,

I've been in a relationship with a married man for almost two years. He told me he feels as though he needs to take a break so that he can be with his family. He wants to maintain the close friendship and continue talking, but the physical aspects of the relationship need to stop. I feel as though I'm getting mixed messages, and not sure how I can maintain a friendship with him without wanting more.

What should I do?

[SwingFox]

Hi suzie,

 

Thank you for coming to eNotalone.com with your questions. I understand your question and your confusion. It is always difficult to see someone you love taking space or getting a break.

 

Before I start my suggestions, I would like to point out that dating a married man is not an ideal situation at all. You are not very detailed in your posting, but what I read between the lines is that this man is breaking away from you a bit to work things out with his wife (and possibly children). It looks like that you were there for his comfort and in a situation where he could not work out things with his wife.

 

Another possibility why he would want to spend more time with his family is to try to break away from that and take time to work that out. The details are very unclear about that. May be it is that he wants to be with you forever and that he needs time to ease out his current situation.

 

Please know that I am only assuming things here. My suggestions is based on speculations. Like I said the details are unclear to me and it's up to you to see which one applies. The best thing you could do, though is to come out and ask him. I am sure you want to avoid to get heartbroken in the end.

 

I hope I was of help for you and wish you good luck.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[suzie]

thank you for your insights. You are right that my posting wasn't quite as explict as it could have been. The situation is that he has chosen to break off physcial relations with me so that he can spend time with the family (wife and children). I'm getting adjusted to that but his desire to remain close friends has me struggling. I'm not sure how to remain close friends with him, and how that can possibly work. He's been my closest friend, my deepest confidant, and knows me better and unfortunately (for me), I'd given to him my deepest trust. Now, with the situation changing, I'm not sure how to retain that trust, friendship and still maintain a distance so that I'm not wanting more than he can give.

[sisterlynch]

I think it is better not to see him at all anymore. He has a right to work through his first interest which is to his family. He may regret his sexual affair and is afraid of hurting you so he is keeping you on the back burner until he gets bored again.

 

You run the risk of feeling used if you stay friends with him.. I don't think it will be good for your sense of self-esteme in the future if you stay with him!

[bleeder]

Yupz, good advice so far from Sisterlynch and Fox.

 

Personally, I think that he has been using you as a sexual outlet. Since he's being caught in this sexual drought with his wife. That, is a very wrong reason to start a relationship.

 

Weigh your priorities and see if he is worth hanging on to. On hindsight, I feel that you will be better off with someone who cherishes you as a person. Think about it.

 

Cheers.

[knightbear]

i need to think be nice

my god woman your guy is married{be nice nice nice}

i just want to tell you this man is scum {be nice nice nice}to be married and have the nerve to win the heart of another...you know he is married {be nice nice nice} so this makes you as bad as he is...i only feel sorry for his wife

[cotten5]

Do not remain friends, lovers or anything else with this man. It's wrong. Marriage is a union that should be complely respected by all. Let him go. Do not let him keep you tied into this relationship where you lose your self respect. If you think that won't happen it will. Remember it takes two to make a marriage work, obviously he doesn't like to work he just wants to play. Sounds like an immature little boy. Go find yourself a man. You can if you want.