After 2 Years Does It get Easier???

[MichellePerry69]

Me and my boyfriend broke up about 2 years ago. Im 18 now, and fot the most part we had a rocky relationship. I put everthing I had into him though. We went throught alot of things throughout our relationship including his brother accidently shooting me and causing me to loose my left leg. This occurred 1 year into our 3 year relationship. Also His mom and my dad died during our relationship. We were there for each other through all off this. He broke up with me out of the blue. I was crushed and thought my life was over. immediately after our breakup he was seeing someone else, but for the first couple of months we were still sleeping together. This was my way of keeping him close to me for the time. I knew deep down that we were over but i figured if he would cheat on his new girlfriend with me then she really didnt mean much to him. After a couple of months of fooling around we stopped and havent spoken since then. He is supposed to be getting married to that girl soon. I still think about him on a daily basis. Some days its just a thought and other days I get really depressed about the whole thing. Alot of nights I still cry myself to sleep. He never really acted like it effected him, but for me drugs became a big problem in my life. Using drugs numbed my emotions about the whole thing. Now that Im clean For almost a year things are looking up. I get very upset with myself that after 2 years i still let him effect my emotions. Im still very hurt and lonley about everything. I was wanting your advise, do you think that he has delt with our breakup yet. Also is it normal for me to still think about him everday??? I still have this little ray of hope that we will get back together, even though we havent spoken in about 20 months. PLease Send your advise I would really appreciate it Thank you for your time~~~~~~~~~TAMMY[/b]

[Apoc220]

Well first off welcome to eNotAlone. The more you look through these boards, the more you realise that you truly aren't alone in what you're going through! Now, with that said here's my two cents on your situation.

 

Firstly, to answer your question of if he has dealt with the breakup ... only he knows the answer to that question. But if he hasn't contacted you in a long period of time AND he's about to get married, I think you can put two and two together and come to a conclusion.

 

Secondly, you see that he has moved on and found someone... follow his example and go out move on with your life. You don't necessarily have to find a new man to fill his void, but try and stay busy. A mistake that you did was to try and "keep him close" by making him cheat on his new gf. The fact that you did that, and still lost him made it harder on you. Take this lesson onto the next relationship... you can't force someone to stay by using games and deception. If they don't want to stay on their own, they won't.

 

Thirdly, what you're going through is difficult, but you have to start moving on. It seems to me that you are TRYING to move on, but you fail to realise that the glimmer of hope that you hold in your heart for him is going to prevent you from moving on with your life. Its been two years since you broke up, he has obviously made an attempt to move on and make his life better. DO THE SAME! The procedure is the same:

-Stay busy

-See new people

-Always look your best

You get the idea. The fact of the matter is that you HAVE to realize that it was in the past and you have to move on and start getting back to living your life, for your benefit. I recently went through a breakup, and still think of her a lot, not as much as before but I still do think of her. Will I think of her a year from now? I don't doubt it, she impacted my life and she will always have a place in my heart... HOWEVER I know that it didn't work and even though I do have a tiny bit of hope that she'll want me back, I know that it will most likely not happen. And if it does, ill turn it down. Im trying to move on, and you should too. Best of luck my friend, its been a long road for you, and you still have a long road ahead, but if you commit yourself to move on with your life, there WILL be a light at the end of the tunnel.

[avman]

Hello MichellePerry and welcome to eNotalone,

 

I'm sorry to hear you are still in such pain over your breakup. 2 years does sound like quite awhile to me for you to still hurt so much. But I think maybe the drug use has delayed your healing because you weren't able to focus on things very well at the time. But you are clean now (and a big CONGRATS on that so its time to work on some things to help you.

 

Here's [link removed article that I wrote to help in a general way

 

And some specifics for you - you can't really focus on what HE is doing right now. Thats the part you have to let go because it will drive you nuts. Whether he has dealt with your breakup, or is getting married, or any of that really isn't something you have any control over. You have to set him free to live his own life. Then you have the freedom to live yours.

 

Please let us know how we can help you.

 

avman