Dumped because of... my gender?

[ilovethatgirl]

So my girlfriend, who has always been bisexual (which was in fact more of a turn-on than anything for me, since I am a guy recently broke up with me. The reason? She is now not just bisexual but fully lesbian, and she is no longer physically or, at some deeper level, attracted to me or any other guys. She has told me that if I were a girl, she WOULD want to be with me and think of me as her boy... girlfriend, but since I'm not, she can't.

 

My question is... how can I deal with the agony of knowing that its my own gender that stands between me and her? I know I can't change it, but I rail against it and swear and curse and cry and drink myself to sleep because of it. How can I help myself?

 

 

PS: This was also a bit of a rant thread.

[Zeitgeist]

Some of the best reasons for being broken up with are those that you can't nor want to change. It's practically impossible for your self-esteem to suffer because it has absolutely nothing to do with who you are as a person. Unless you secretly wish you were a woman.

[redhearts]

Could either be an easy way to let you down, or she really is a lesbian and you helped her realise that.

[Carmine]

Yeah yeah, almost every teenage girl nowadays claims to be bisexual. Ignore her and find some other girl. When she comes crawling back to you, you'll know she's just been being phony.

[ImThatGirl]

Really, in a way - isn't it comforting to know that it's not just you?

 

Wouldn't it be easier to deal with this knowing that there's just nothing within your power that you can do to change her mind? I'm thinking of all the people that are sad and do tons of things to change so that just maybe, maybe they'll get another chance.

[ilovethatgirl]

Yeah yeah, almost every teenage girl nowadays claims to be bisexual. Ignore her and find some other girl. When she comes crawling back to you, you'll know she's just been being phony.

 

No, but in her case she ACTUALLY is. I've talked to some of her friends before (not gossiping or anything, just talking) and they've mentioned it.

 

I know it may be the "easiest" way to break up, because I can't change it... it's not like my self-esteem has suffered. I just... I just hate the fact that I had to be a GUY. Don't get me wrong, I don't really wish I were a woman... it's just... I don't know. I wish I wasn't a guy, but I'm not about to go get a sex change operation or anything.

[Lionel Hutz]

Your'e very young. Good you found out now and not later. I agree that while it hurts, there is nothing you did wrong, nothing you could have done. Thats just the way things were intended. At 16 I thought I would also never meet another girl like one I was seeing at the time. Now, way way way way down the road I have mine and dont even think about my relationship at 16. It takes time but you will move on.

[cat_lady]

I went to an all women's college, so I've probably spent way too much time observing lesbians and getting to know their behaviors. IMO, there are actually very few "true" lesbians, most are either bisexual or lesbians by choice. Its very common for a completely straight and girly girl to enter an all women's college, cut her hair, be a die hard lesbian for four years and some years afterwards, and then end up marrying a man.

 

Esp at 16, I would venture to say that this is probably more related to her experimenting, trying to find her identity, trying to stand out in the crowd than her preferring women over men. If this happens to girls in the 20's, a 16 year old is even more vulnerable. So, being you I wouldn't be too concerned about it, but then again, you should consider the entire relationship as a whole and whether she was really that into you to begin with.

[ilovethatgirl]

Your'e very young. Good you found out now and not later. I agree that while it hurts, there is nothing you did wrong, nothing you could have done. Thats just the way things were intended. At 16 I thought I would also never meet another girl like one I was seeing at the time. Now, way way way way down the road I have mine and dont even think about my relationship at 16. It takes time but you will move on.

 

I guess that's the part that hurts... the long long time. I don't see how I can possibly live through this pain.

 

Esp at 16, I would venture to say that this is probably more related to her experimenting, trying to find her identity, trying to stand out in the crowd than her preferring women over men. If this happens to girls in the 20's, a 16 year old is even more vulnerable. So, being you I wouldn't be too concerned about it, but then again, you should consider the entire relationship as a whole and whether she was really that into you to begin with.

 

She was... we had gone through a rough patch, then things were fine and great again... then this came out of nowhere, it was like a kick in the gonads.

[Carmine]

For christ's sake, you're 16. She left you because apparently she decided she's a lesbian at the age of 16. Do you know how much of a joke that is?

 

She is not the love of your life.

 

She's a stupid insecure teenage girl who thinks it's cool and different to be with girls instead of guys. FORGET HER. Don't get attached to any other girl either.

 

It's so foolish to believe you're in love at any age, let alone as a 16 year old.

[greywolf]

She's a stupid insecure teenage girl who thinks it's cool and different to be with girls instead of guys. FORGET HER. Don't get attached to any other girl either.

 

Many girls know that they're lesbians at that age.

I know that it is the new cool things to be (which is think is stupid), but we don't know her reason.

[lapseinjudgement]

ehh thats messed up but regardless of the reason i would say move on. Your still young plenty of time. I know that doesnt really always help but still i remember my break up at that age.. thought the world was over... moved on finally and met a couple other girls then found one i fit with and was with her for 4 years then she cheated on me.

I guess the moral of the story is people can be crazy and selfish so you should take this as a good excuse to focus on you and be a little selfish yourself and MOVE ON.