Sadness and Dread pass in time?

[Nearwater]

I am still feeling awful waves of sadness.

 

Crying intermittently, triggered by small thoughts of my ex.

 

Was just crossing a street and was hit by this feeling of aloneness,

She is in a new relationship, and no matter how weird or unhealthy it may be, she is with him not me, and I am so lonesome.

 

There are periods of time when I feel better, but they are so fleeting.

Just the thought of her face and voice bring the feeling of abandonment rushing to the surface and I want to just wail at the top of my lungs.

 

When does this end? I read these threads about dumpers returning with tears in there eyes and love in their hearts, then others that have vanished and never ever return. Why does love and life have to go this way? Is it not about loving an accepting your partner?

 

I think the hardest part of the sudden breakup is the overnight change. Losing trust and faith in your closest friend and lover, then knowing they are playing house with someone else.

[SapphireNoir10]

Sometimes certain people arent the ones for us, and its better it end than go into something thats going to make you unhappy in the long run. I know it hurts, I recently went through the same.

 

I just told myself 'It is how it is, I can't change it, he's not crying over me so i'm not wasting this short precious life crying over him'

 

The fleeting good moments will become longer and longer until you have good days, good weeks then good months. Your still living and still breathing and as cliche as it is time heals all.

[ahop]

I understand how your feeling. I found out my ex is dating someone new, a guy that I know as well. The feeling was awful. But after the initial shock and realization of it all, I've started to realize and know that I am the better person in all of this.. better than both of them. Of course I'm not completely past it by any means, I still have thought of them and get cold shivers, but I'm much better than I was last weekend. I think knowing that they are with someone else really closes the door for me.. I no longer have romanticizing thought of her now, that died with finding out.

[Wolf_22]

Nearwater: First of all, no matter how sad you may get, always maintain the assumption that things will eventually get better. No matter how bad it gets, okay?

 

Secondly, and I cannot stress how important this is--you have to want to get better if you wish for that sadness in your heart to be alleviated. While it may be okay to rationalize that you miss her and that you may or may not still love her, it is not healthy to be constantly berating yourself, and your spirit, with "her" throughout your everyday thoughts.

 

Lastly, realize that while being alone can be unstable and a bit scary during the rainy days and in those moments where you have people all around you holding hands except you, you should also realize that being alone can be invigorating. It can be healthy and can allow you the time and elbow room needed to reset yourself after a bad breakup to make yourself a better man for the next lady that comes along. Stop looking at this "alone time" or "loneliness" as something negative. Instead, think of it as being something you can take advantage of.

 

Do you honestly believe that this single women is the only women that you are compatible or were compatible with? There are probably close to a billion or so women in the United States alone...

 

...That's a lot of carpet! HAHA.

[ahop]

Very good point here.. With every closed door opens a new one. I remember thinking that there would never find another girl after my first heartbrake, but of course I did. And there will be another one, maybe not the same, but different and that's better.

[Nearwater]

Carpet, indeed, or at least a landing strip as she used to call it.

 

I do know that. In the words of Steve Martin- "chicks DIG me"

 

BUT, it took me my whole adult life to find her, so many tries, failed relationships, bad endings ect. that in our 3 years together, I matured, at 47, into a man capable of committing to a partner for life. At 6 months we talked about our needs and wants and she expressed desire to find a life-mate and one day be married.

 

Throughout our time together I bonded deeper and deeper and committed myself to her in my heart. I did not long for other women, I loved our life together and sought only to deepen our connection. This she accepted and reciprocated.

 

Then BAM, off with the fat married doctor, never to want to discuss her feelings.

[atelis]

nearwater, it will end when you are ready for it to end. that may take months. my first love took me 12-18 months to get over. i vividly remember the pain and anguish of the first 2 months after the break-up and i often still wonder how i didn't end up in a psychiatric ward, i was so distraught and emotionally unstable.

 

there is no magic bullet, only time and giving yourself time to grieve. but as wolf said, you have to believe that you will get better in time, even if you can't see it or feel it now, you have to keep telling yoursefl you will be ok. it's the only thing that saved me from going to the nuthouse. despite the crying and howling, i kept reminding myself to hold on to hope and to keep thinking that i would be ok, whether it took 6 months or 12 or 18.

 

you sound a lot like me...........i find it very difficult to find someone that i connect with, so when i do, i fall for them hard and give everything i can because i know that the next one will be just as difficult to find. i am not the type who can fall in love with 7 different women over the course of my life

[Nearwater]

Indeed, that is the case. I don't know how many more I have in me. I have this huge capacity to love, and it is wasted on a woman that does not want me anymore.

[Wandering_Sword]

Sorry you're going through this pain. And while it hurts like no other pain I guarantee you will get better. Confront the pain head on, cry when you need to, feel sad at the little things that trigger the old memories but never let them try to impede your life from moving forward.

 

I was in your position two years ago and it was miserable. Words could not even begin to describe what I was going through. But eventually I did get over it, slow but steady finally won out and when I look back on it now I can actually wince and chuckle about how I felt.

 

The key thing in a post-relationship environment is to focus on yourself. Ultimately we are responsible for our well-being. How we take care of ourselves has always been in our own hands and if we actively play a part in getting better (working out, trips, hanging out with friends) then you will. Take care and we're all here for you.

[rapunzel]

I am newly broken up, after a failed second chance. I knew it was a risky endeavor, but I went for it anyway...thinking that I only have one life and this was a man I thought I had a rare connection with. It is exceedingly rare that I meet someone I connect with and want to spend my time with. I know I have to change my mindset about that.

 

Anyway, I know how you feel Nearwater, we are the same age roughly and it is downright scary to face life at this age, alone. And to think about finding a new partner. It seems to get harder with age, especially for women.

 

And I have to see my ex as we work together as musicians. It's anywhere from 0 to 2 times a week. I don't know how I'm going to do it, I did it before when we went through this last time around but with the steady contact through working together, I never got over him...and hence found myself back again with him this year.

 

Anyway, hang in there. You are definitely not alone. We will all survive this even if we feel hopeless and despairing at the moment. It will get better, it always does.

 

We have no choice but to move on, trust and pray that all will work out for the best.