Raos18 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Hello all, I just joined the forum but I've been lurking for some time now. This is my shameless plug but hello! I have a situation that is basic but different in many ways to other threads I've seen on this site. I hope for any positive advice if you can. I just got out of a 2.5 year relationship with a girl who was DEEPLY in love with me. As some of you would describe it, she was nearly obsessed. Did everything for me that I could ask for which is absolutely normal and amazing, but she was doing 80% of the relationship essentially. I was young and didn't realize what was there until I lost her a month ago (beginning of August). Btw, We're both undergraduate students finishing off our last year and moving on to grad school. Here's where I'll start: I get a phone call from her asking for us to "talk." I respond and we talk over a movie. This is when I hear the infamous "I've decided I need to do things for myself" and "I need ME time" and so on and so fourth. I acted calm because I didn't realize what was going on. She followed up with saying she "fell out of love with me three months ago" and isn't in love with me anymore but still loves me. Yup, she had three months to grow away from me. At this point, she describes that she still wants to be friends (we were basically BEST friends in the relationship) and continue everything except for the relationship aspect of it "which will be a change for us but we can make this happen" she says. I took it like a grain of salt and went on my way. Some background: We had a very mature and strong relationship when we were together. Lived together at one point and bought a pet together, talked over the phone nearly every day at least a couple times, and only fought over simple moody things, nothing serious. She is VERY smart and so am I but I don't "apply" myself to my potential she says which is part of the reason she broke me off. "At this point I don't see a future in us but if you change I can see us together down the road. You are my soul mate." You know the drill. She was always the more passionate and affectionate one, I rarely did that. Continued... It started to hit me and I began to act DESPERATE. Which I never cared for in the relationship, I was passive basically. I was the definition of that word and didn't understand that until four straight days of crying and promising to change. It came to the point where she had to create a remedy for us to talk every other day and meet only once a week. Complete turn off, I know. This was my peak of annoyance. I was heart broken. I slowly started to back off only because I spoke with a friend who told me to move on and better myself. Fast forward to two weeks, where I've regained my confidence and we were in contact as "friends." Although it still hurt to be friends, it also felt as though I could heal our relationship. I believe there was a rebound or "testing waters" type of deal but that fell through for her which I feel like is an advantage to me, perhaps only lasted three weeks of just calls and texts. Unfortunately, I never played the NC role but we are both VERY important to each other and I feel like NC would be a bit childish. Instead of NC, I knew how to keep my cool and showed my confidence when need be. I knew to not always pick up her calls or just plain and simple, NOT be readily available for her. We slowly started to talk like we did in the relationship(w/o the I LOVE YOU's) and did things that felt right (this included being physical) by the thirdish week of our breakup. I still didn't feel totally perfect. From the day of annoyance all the way 'til now, things have became substantially better. In fact, it is almost more enjoyable than our past relationship but we obviously don't say "I love you" when we part. I still want her, but I'm not sure what her feelings are. She has changed from "I need space" to "come over and watch a movie with me." Sure, she is still attached but I feel like I have a chance. It is now close to the 6th week and we've started to kiss on the lips when we meet or leave each other when two weeks ago it was only smooches on the cheeks. What does this mean? Also, they are fairly emotional kisses, not just pecks per se. I am confused because it is very close to a relationship status just without the "baby, I miss you" or the "I'm thinking of you" splurges. She likes to explain it as "we do things that feel right." She also here and there says "I hope you're not doing any of this to intentionally try to get me back." I don't want to put myself in a predicament where this keeps us as friends only. Am I doing anything that will break my chances? The last week or so, I've let her initiate and me respond in a smooth and cool fashion, rather than jumping in to whatever she says. This past weekend, we spent together exactly like we would during our relationship. I just can't figure out what to do next but I certainly won't rush things. Is this a new beginning or a patch for our last relationship? More complicated... She is in my CLASS that has less than ten students. thereforee I cannot do NC or LC. I need some other ideas. People would describe us as BF and GF because we're very social in class towards each other. 1) What would hurt my situation and what would help. Any ideas? 2) I never showed affection or passion in the relationship, is it weird that I do that now? Would she enjoy that seeing that it never existed before? 3) I'm keeping my composure, when should I start really figuring things out between us aka talk to her about it? 4) I feel like her mindset is to not be in a relationship with me but she obviously shows different. Should I give space (in this case, an "I'm busy maybe later" response) or should I be around her to build a new beginning. 5) Should I make her realize she no longer has me or is that too harsh at this moment? Right now, I feel like I've worked my way to her and I don't want to come accross as harsh/disappointing. Ultimately, I've learned what is attractive and what is a turn off in times like this. From reading other stories on this forum, I've applied it to my situation and it seems like it's been of great help. My story is a tad different, but essentially similar with the basics of a relationship. I obviously can tell that this positive progression is taking it's place since the break up, but I don't want it to end here. I can't tell if I can play my cards better here. She means a lot to me and I can use some tips and advice to help my situation. Thanks in advance! Link to comment
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