notsoanonymous Posted August 24, 2008 Share Posted August 24, 2008 Hey all, As some of you know, I began NC with my ex this past Monday. That night after the email in which I basically said do not contact me in any way whatsoever he texted me twice with the second one saying "So I guess you are not going to talk to me at all" You think!? It was VERY clear in my email that I couldn't talk to him because I was tired of the back and forth, does he or doesn't he know what he wants out of what we had, will he or won't he going to couples counseling... I just said ENOUGH and sent him the NC email. Fast forward to Friday night. Go out with friends and spend the night with one of my girls. Wake up early (god do I love anxiety to find he called me twice at 1:30 am and left two text messages about how he needed to be at the house in the morning to pick up his tools and how "unacceptable" it was that I don't want him to come here! He said it was something that made him very upset with me. I texted him and said I would leave for a bit so he could come by, then said i am not trying to keep you from your possessions or your assets - you misunderstood that email. He wrote back again how upset he was that "once again" I was telling him what he could or could not do! Whatever. I wrote back and said, please for the LAST TIME stop calling an dtexting me in the middle of the night. I deserve more respect than that. He calls!? I don't answer. Then he texts again and said fine if you don't wan tto talk. How is the dog??? This is our dog who is still a puppy, that I have taken care of all this time while he neglected to do so. I refuse to talk to him about MY dog. So all this contact yesterday sent me into an absolute tailspin. I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression as a result of PTSD from when I was a child. I manage al this pretty darn well 99.9% of the time, but this is the first time in a very long time that anything so major has happened in my life. I tried to hang onto my emotions from the point I woke up at 6:30 until 12:15. Keep in mind that although we weren't NC until Monday we broke up all the way back on August 3rd afte two years together and buying our house together (i.e. 4 bedrooms because we were going to get married have kids etc etc) I was sitting in starbucks, shaking so hard I couldn't pick up my cup of coffee. My heart is racing like crazy, I feel like I am going to be ill... etc. If you have ever had a panic attack I am sure you understand. I got in my car and IMMEDIATELY drove myself over to the walk-in clinic at my regular doctor office. Burst into tears and couldn't even tell the receptionist anything other than "mental health" before they got me out of the waiting room and into triage. So, now I go back to therapy. Back on a higher dose of medication (I've been on quite a low dose for years), back on xanax to numb myself enough to function... I just don't know what to do. When he called last night at 8 pm, his voicemail said he was "just sitting there" and wanted to chat with me about the house and the dog. I don't think he wants to talk about "us" because we are through - but I think he wants to settle out what we are going to do about seling this place (where I am still living) and the dog which he clearly thinks he should have some right to see. I'm so not ready. My first contact with him after beginning NC sent me to the f****** hospital with 138/100 blood pressure... What on earth am I going to do... Link to comment
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