how bad is this? when is it unforgiveable? pls help!

[charlotte_skye]

Hi,

I need help, i desperately need to see from someone else point of view, just to see.

 

My ex boyfriend and i broke up awhile back ( i broke up with him) but we remained very close friends. anyways he has THE lowest self esteem and puts on this fake frount to people, because he thinks everyoen will hate him, the thing is he hates himself so much and thinks he will disappoint everyone so much that he LIES LIKE NO TOMORROW! He also has a anger problem, he has pucnched massive holes into walls infrount of me, threatened my brother, he has gone so phyco at me before that i couldnt even breathe from hyperventialting.

Once at a party we were playing about and he playfully slapped me, so i playfully slapped him back , this continued a few mre times until i supposidly hit him harder then i shoud have in the eye by mistake, he then stood up grabbed my face and said you f**kin deserve this and slamed his hand around my face so hard it split my lip, tho he was drunk and felt really bad. thi was the only time he had hit me out of 9 mnths of knowing him, he had hit me after that but so not as bad, more of a hitting my arm off him and squeezing it and pushing me out of his room violently.

Not only this but after we broke up i went abroad, he then emailed me saying how much he had nothing in his life ( he hasnt worked since i met him a yr ago) and he wnated to go to school but didnt have money, he otld me he had applied and had got in but couldnt pay, he told me how depressed he was so i after much thinking and tellin him HE HAD TO COME UP WITH A PAYMENT PLAN, went with my 9 mnth pregnant boss to the post office and sent him 600 dollars, i had to take my boss as i couldnt speak the language and after much tryin i had to send the money just in a envelope as it wouldnt have got there in tmie otherwise.

 

He then told me he didnt get into school and would send the money back....he never did, then when i retuned home i aske dhim where the money went, he todl me it went on his bond for his new apartment, i then found out he lied to me again as he had borrowed money of the bond loan company to pay for his bond, i found this out when i saw the card for it.

everyone knows there is something not right baout him, so many ppl hate him and i still dont knwo the reasons why, maybe i never knew him.

he hasd the worst anger, he looks at me lke he is goin to kill me, he gets violent n slams things, busts holes and punches things. he calls ppl really bad names n just goes off. even over smoke in the house.

i knw he was very angry with his ex b4 me n thats why she left him but i dont knwo the full stories as he lies so much. i know his new gf is in danger and he will hurt her, i dont doubt if he had of got angry again with me around he would have beat me again. his fam dont have much to do with him and i just knwo theres so much dodgy stuf fi just dont know. ppl told me all his ol friends hate him now but they wont say why. i was told by one his so so mates that he had to chse my ex down a street and tackle him to stop him from beating up this chick who accidently hit him.

 

when i confrounted him he then told me he spent the money on stuff.....i couldt believe it, i needed that money!!! it had been 3 mnths n he hadnt paid me 10 bucks, i had leant him money b4 this he was supposed ot pay me back n never did. he now owed me over a grand.

 

I tTHEN FOUND OUT HE NEVER EVEN APPLIED TO GO TO SCHOOL BUT INSTEAD HAD EMAILED ME WHILE I WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD JUST TO GET MONEY!

 

he said he was intending to go to school but didnt wnat to disappoint me when he found out he couldnt so he lied n made out he was going to be goin to school.

 

i have since found out many things about him, like him havin bene in phyc ward for chasin his mum with knife. No tonly this but when i found out about him lyin to me about school etc i gave up, i tol dhim to leave me alone, he then continued on to tell EVERYONE THAT I WAS THE LIAR AND HE DIDNT OWE ME MONEYM HE HAD NEVER HIT ME ETC ETC.

 

HE NOW HAS NEW GF AND HER MUM HAS JUST FOUND OUT THAT HE HAS LIED TO HER ABOUT BEING EVCITED, HE TOLD HER HE HAD JUST MOVED HOUSE BUT HE HADNT, HES BEEN BLACKLISTED. I kne whis new gf n i was speaking with her when she told me about how he had been working full time but just got fired , i told her how he hasnt worked for a yr and is lying to her, she is still with him, even tho she knwos he hit me etc she thinks he will change.

 

the thing is i tried to be bale to forgive, not be friends again but forgive, cos i know he just hate shimself and thats why he lies, but the thing is he told me after loosin me he realized how he has to change, he todl me he would never lie again, but then just last week he lied ot me again sayin he had paid me back, he put it into my acc but he hadnt.

 

im just wondering have i done the right thing? or should i forgive him because he only does htis cos he hates himself and maybe he will change?

 

id o still care about him but hes hurt me enuff, he abuses me when he knwos i tell ppl truth about him, when they ask, but he did it to himself not me. I just remebver that when we first got otgether he was so kind etc, and i miss it, but i wont take this crap, so have i done the right thing, what is everyone point of view on this?

 

should i have not got upset n not forgiven him? should i have warned his ex when everyone was worried about her and askin me too?

should i forgive? he now hates me n that hurts me to knwo that, all i ever did was be there for him EVERY TIME, supported him, helped him look for work, gave him place to live when he told me he was evicted but he wasnt then he had lied. he lied to me so so so sooooo many times, i never lied once, all i did was try to help him be happy, all i wanted was him to b happy, i didnt listen to what anyone said cos i knew he just didnt liek himself, i wanted ot help. all i did was be the best girlfriend n friend for him.

how bad is ehat he has done? what would you have done if me? thanks so much guys, really.

[mhonkieys]

should you forgive? yes, always, not for him, but for yourself, *if* you're able to, then by all means, do. however forgiving does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean that you should expect anything but lies and abuse from this bloke, he sounds like he has many issues that he needs to deal with, and my question is, why in gods name are you still there? why are you still around? why do you know whats happening with him? if i had someone do what he did to you, to me, i'd of run for the hills.

 

the truth is, anything can be forgiven, and if you can forgive someone (anyone) who has wronged you, then you seriously should, imho, forgivness is not the act of wipping the slate clean, but settling the guilt, hate, sorrow and general distate in yourself, its not telling someone they're right, or what they did was wrong, just releasing it from you..

 

IMHO: forgive and forget him.

[LonelyGirl]

Listen, it's not your fault and you didn't do anything wrong. This guy has some serious issues that go beyond him hating himself. Sometimes this is just an excuse. I currently have a friend who is going through some similar issues. She always says it's just because he hates himself and how he is. That does not give someone the right to be abusive. It's hard to come to grips with this especially if you care for the person. It will hurt to think he hates you but it would hurt a lot more to have stayed with him in that relationship. You could have ended up worse than beat up...he could have killed you. A lot of women don't realize this and end up dead. It's a good thing you got out. If you have to remain in contact with this deadbeat then maybe you should suggest anger management and therapy to him. Otherwise this guy is going to continue his behavior and some other woman is going to end up in the same situation or even worse. Good luck and be careful.

[charlotte_skye]

How bad is what he has done?

is it abuse?

pls help me understand, id ont knwo if i overeacted?

[LonelyGirl]

Yes to me it sounds like both emotional and physical abuse. He needs to get help.