Denial, denial, denial???

[peaceacake]

I admit it. I am stuck and I MEAN stuck in the denial stage. Its been 6 weeks since the breakup and I do not understand why I cannot get my head unstuck. Crazy, right? I think any day now he will "realize" the mistake he made and call and want to make amends. I have been trying to move on, because in my head I know its never going to change, but my heart doesn't want to follow. Some one tell me they have been stuck too and for how long???

[redhearts]

You need to occupy your mind with other thoughts because this is taking over all your thoughts.

 

5 months.

[Nearwater]

Since May. I see her actions as so incredibly dysfunctional that her rebound must go down in flames soon leaving her grieving the dumping of a loving partner that misses her dearly. I am in NC and will never break it, but have to admit to waiting for that email or call. So I will stay stuck until my brain gets sick of it and unsticks me.

 

It hurts 24/7

[peaceacake]

Thanks, I am so sorry you are hurting as well. I was beginning to think that I was the only person who couldn't just "get over it". As I said, my head knows otherwise, but my heart is critically wounded and should be on the operating room table!!!!

[testcase]

Well it took me a while. See this is where it is good, heck I recommend it, to write down what you are going threw know. When you realize what really happened, you will look back and kind of chuckle to yourself. I am personally still in disbelief.. a state of shock really. But I also know don't deny that she left.

[limelight]

Dont be hard on yourself. 6 weeks isnt all that long. If you're relationship ended out of the blue like mine did it your probs got questions running through your head and looking for logical answers. Keep busy, spend as much time with friends and family as poss. They arent going anywhere

 

Things will calm down im sure of it

[DieTeufelKatze]

Yeah, 6 weeks isn't all that long. I'm still stuck 10 weeks later (more or less, had to think there a bit), and I've been mostly in NC the whole time, yet I see him one/two days a week at my work. And we've already had a couple conversations (all initiated by him) since then. I basically slammed the door in his face last weekend when he had been bugging me about "ignoring" him for the past month and a half. I told him there was NO turning back, and NO chance of reconciliation. I've been torturing myself all week for doing that... my STUPID heart refuses to let go!!

 

He broke up with me, incidentally. I am still madly in love with him, and want nothing more than to be with him, but I love myself more and had already given him multiple chances with me. I knew I had to put my foot down or it was going to keep going on forever, and he'd think he could just waltz in and out of my life whenever he felt like it. I'd give anything to be with him, have one more chance, if only he'd commit to me. It's a horrible place to be, and I'm afraid my heart is probably going to be stuck in denial until I fall in love with someone else. And I have no idea how long that's going to be - I've never felt this way about anyone in my life before. Talk about being torn apart.

 

So don't worry, you're probably doing fine.

[xRoh]

Oh I know this feeling all too much. When me and my ex broke up, I convinced myself that he was going to return. This prevented me from moving on, and I was very much in denial that we were OVER.

 

Bear in mind though, he has returned to me every single time after almost a week of NC because I keep letting him back. It's a bad bad habit.

[Seraphim]

I was still thinking about someone once 24/7 even 7 months after they dumped me. It is not that long a time. Be kind to yourself. You need to move on yes. He may come back and he may not, but you can not wait "incase" You need to be happy. It takes time to heal and everyone is different, but do not let this eat you up and drag you down.

[desi1987]

I admit it. I am stuck and I MEAN stuck in the denial stage. Its been 6 weeks since the breakup and I do not understand why I cannot get my head unstuck. Crazy, right? I think any day now he will "realize" the mistake he made and call and want to make amends. I have been trying to move on, because in my head I know its never going to change, but my heart doesn't want to follow. Some one tell me they have been stuck too and for how long???

 

Its been almost 3 months. Ive been puttin so much pressure on myself to get over it and to not "feel anymore" well dammit it still hurts sometimes, and I STILL think about her and have hope that one day we will be together. Ive been a hypocrite telling people to just get over it and just tell yourself that your ex is NEVER COMING BACK. I dont even tell myself that..i realized today that I still love her and maybe it will dull with more time, but for now I am moving forward. I still harbor some hope deep down..

 

Maybe we would realize that we all do if we could be more honest with ourselves.

[desi1987]

IF you dont mind me asking..what brought about the breakup? If you are still deeply in love with him and he actually offers to reconcialle and you turn him down adamantly....i hope its not just pride.

[DieTeufelKatze]

IF you dont mind me asking..what brought about the breakup? If you are still deeply in love with him and he actually offers to reconcialle and you turn him down adamantly....i hope its not just pride.

 

He felt that he just didn't want to be in a relationship, apparently. We didn't fight much, we'd broken up a month an a half prior (MY doing, he had told me that he "didn't see much of a future" for us, and that I wasn't his "top priority", so I felt I had no other choice but to dump him, but later realized I'd fallen in love with him, and we got back together a few weeks later), and then one day he just decided he wanted out. That was at the beginning of June.

 

He has not offered to reconcile, but after he broke things off so suddenly and without trying to work things out with me, I IMMEDIATELY went NC, and told him to not talk to me again unless it was for reconciliation.

 

We didn't speak for the next month and a half, and then two weeks ago he started trying to light-heartedly tease me about ignoring him, etc., etc., I finally had a conversation with him saying that no, I was not ignoring him, I was simply moving on. That he'd made his choice. That when a person is repeatedly made to feel unwanted, they have to force themselves to move on, and that's just what I was doing. He stated that it wasn't ME he didn't want, it was the relationship. I didn't answer to that, but later thought "what's the difference? It's all the same anyhow".

 

He never explicitly stated that he wanted to reconcile, I think he may have just been contacting me out of guilt, and also he felt uncomfortable with being "ignored" by me so he was trying to get me to talk to him. I don't know, however. At the time I sort of "beat him to the punch" so to speak, because I felt I was being toyed with, even though he claimed that's not what he was doing. I wanted him to know that I was fed up with the push-pull game crap and wanted to be honest and forthright for once.

 

I am very, very mixed up in what I want to do. I want him back, I am heartsick for him, but I don't want to get back with him and have him pull the same wishy-washy b.s. that he has been doing for months. I want him to be definitive, and decisive, and I figure that by putting my foot down that I am fed up and don't want to play the game anymore.

 

I highly doubt I'm yet through with him... he's out of town for the weekend, so we'll see what happens in the coming weeks.

[desi1987]

Yes. he sounds like my ex.."confused" although he never cheated so at least you have that going for you. I think maybe he is initiating contact because you are ignoring him or are not calling him constantly/textin it hurts his ego.

 

I think its good now after hearing your story that you are not just jumping into another relationship with him or even casual flirting. He sounds very immature.