When Did You Know?

[waveseer]

Within the first two years when he looked me straight in the eye and refused to stop what he was doing (playing on the computer) to talk to me at a time when I really needed him. I stood in front of him crying as my heart was breaking while he ignored me. I spent the next 10 years in an exhausting cycle of forgiveness, anger, hurt, letting go, hope, tolerance, hopelessness, agitation, and unfounded positive expectations. I am so overdone now it's not even funny. If he were homeless I would not help him.

[FedUp7]

That glassy look in the eyes that said "I just don't want to be with you anymore." I kept bursting into tears, crying...My kids would ask me mommy what's wrong? I'd tell them nothing I'll be alright. I will never forget that night when after not giving him sex for a month (it was that bad, we didn't sleep together or anything)... Then we "made up." I asked him what he likes about me (after). He told me 2 things. Then he said well how about we go back and forth and tell each other turn for turn what we like. So I said my 2 things, then he couldn't come up with a third. He said that we are not the same people who got married 7 years ago, and we need to get to know each other... I just felt like dirty. Meanwhile I still had his scent and more all over me. I got up and ran to the shower saying something like how I felt like an available socket in the wall.

 

I cried in that shower and it was probably the longest shower I had ever taken, I even scrubbed myself like some type of victim. Sad but true. But that was the last thing that let me know that I was in the wrong place, no matter how many kids, years or tears...

[john4321]

does it ever really end, even after being served, after a bad divorce, 2 years of working on myself and fixing myself, she will always be in my life. in songs, movies, traditions and holidays, in everything. when somebody touches your life, even when it ends, it never really ends. you always carry a part of them with you.

 

and i had the same thing happen to me, did not know she had a lawyer and was served, it sucked

[John Bendix]

Yes John, the memories will always be there. How you choose to view them will determine your reaction to them. Call them up and knowing that they are just images of the mind will help lessen any unplesant response. If you call them up as a part of you or as real, the reaction can be overwhelming.

 

Repressing them, in order not to deal with the fact that they did happen, will put off the reaction only to come back to your in other unplesant ways.

[John Bendix]

I'm sorry but I do not see why you got so upset to what he said here (bold). Did it trigger something that you were feeling?

[beejcee]

i knew the night the woman he was having his third known affair called me and wanted to come over and show me the engagement ring he bought her while we were still married -- i knew what i was going to do at that very moment

[blueyez2002]

I had the glassy look. I tried to talk to him about the issues, he changed the subject. Bottom line is something happened earlier in that year that triggered it, I then woke up and said whoa there are some things about you that are not going to work for the long haul, people cant change unless they want to change for themselves, I do not feel it is right to ask another to change. I fell out of love, found there were certain aspects of him that I no longer could accept, it was not right to ask him to change, so....the end. The sad part is he is a good guy, no beatings, no yelling, no he said she said, no cheating, just no ambition, no willingness to learn new things, and completely accepting of living pay check to pay check without wanting to do better...sad, it is so sad