determined Posted January 23, 2004 Author Share Posted January 23, 2004 I have started to feel considerably more indepndent since I haven't spoken to her and also that she was the last to try and contact me, that was on Tuesday with a pointless text just saying she lost her jumper on a train??? But now we are locked in a stubborn battle not to contact each other. But there have been loads of times I've texted her and they've been ignored so she needs a bit of her own medicine. OR Is this a silly game I'm playing of being stubborn. I guess not to hear from her for 3 days isn't really that bigger deal, it just seems like it as this is the longest I haven't had contact with her for 2 years!! If she rings or asks me a direct question I'll reply. But some of you have said the no contact rule works and they do come back if implemented rightly. But after 3 months is it too late for any hope of reconciliation when I've just started the no contact now, has the damage been done even though she instigated it? Link to comment
luckystar Posted January 23, 2004 Share Posted January 23, 2004 2-3 months is alot less time than you think it is...... right now it seems like an eternity.....but it isnt and there is not lost hope after this amount of time.... i know it for a fact in a past relationship and am implementing it now on my current breakup.... time will heal..... time, time, time, work on yourself.....i promise you it will help you if you ever get that second chance.... you have to be willing to let her go before you can get her back Link to comment
Silent Lucidity Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 determined, stick it out. If you feel like calling or making contact just remember these words " I will not contact her.This will help me move on and make her come back to me". Just keep repeating those words. No contact rule is working marvelous in my case. Almost 2 weeks and she has tried to contact me twice-once I didn't pick up and the next time we spoke for 10 minutes and she made some silly excuse that she wanted to share an exam result with me. she went on and on about how she cares about me and wants me to be happy. She has been telling friends that she misses me a lot and that she still loves me .She also mentioned that it was probably a mistake to break up with me. 3 weeks ago that would have been the last thing I expected to hear. Just goes to show that the people here know what they are talking about. Link to comment
Silent Lucidity Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 One more thing. The no contact rule has given me peace of mind and I am almost completely healed. If I kept contact with the ex I would never have reached this point so fast and smooth. Link to comment
determined Posted January 27, 2004 Author Share Posted January 27, 2004 God you guys are so right about no contact. As you may be aware from my last posts me and my ex split up 3.5 months agao after a 2 year relationship of living together. She started seeing someone else soon after a real loser who stacks shelves in a supermarket and smokes dope all day??? We have had erratic txtxs then nothing then txts a phone call here or there last which she told me she thought he was a loser etc. I started to do alright, not replying to her txts for a few days then caving in getting no reply for a few days then a txt saying she's thinking of me etc, dreaming of me. Anyway, all was good started to feel stronger then today spoke to my friend in my home town (newcastle uk) we were living n London doing a student placement I'm in London til Sept then back to uni in Newcaste where she will be. I'm still living with her uncle...i digress. My friend from my home town said he'd spoken to her, she didn't really mention me and said "Oh you'll meet my new bf when I come back to Newcastle, this weekend". That hit me like a train from no where. Nothing I didn't already know just that the thought of her with this guy and being with MY friends is too much. I told him that life is good down here but it hurts hearing this crap and to tell her I dont think we should contact each other again. It's too raw, especially when there is another guy involved. I can't take it, now my day is ruined and I can't stop thinking about it. The no contact rule is the safest way now for me. Not in terms in getting back with her but as a major healing method, I can't handle little reminders here or there, I feel like I'm cracking right down the middle. Last weekend I was out having a great time and today I'm ruined. Is there hope for me???? Link to comment
determined Posted January 27, 2004 Author Share Posted January 27, 2004 Has anyone here been through this and come out the other side with success? Link to comment
Silent Lucidity Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Determined, just like to let you know that me and my ex are back together. It does happen and the no contact rule works if applied properly. Each situation is different and I think in some cases there should be some tinkering with the no contact rule. The most important thing is that the no contact rule will teach you to move on and not lose self-esteem and confidence. I think we all seek someone who is confident and secure in who they are. So at the worst you move on and keep your chin up high. Or you might get the ex back and make her feel as though she really blew it. this is how my ex feels. She is constantly apologizing for breaking up with me and constantly tells me how big of a mistake she made and how sorry she is. This is in large part due to the no contact rule. I am not completely over the hurt and it still bothers the hell out of me that she dated a guy who can't compare to me so soon after our breakup, but the past is the past and mistakes are made. We all make them, but not all learn from them. Those that do succeed in life. Stay confident and never lose you pride. Exes do come back. But let it be on your terms.... Link to comment
determined Posted March 23, 2004 Author Share Posted March 23, 2004 That's great. But how long were you guys split up for and was your ex with someone else? It's been 5 months now as she's been with the same guy since, a druggy loser!!! Link to comment
Silent Lucidity Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 we were apart for 2and a half months. Felt like a year. Yes, she dated some short, fat loser who worked a lame job and hung out all night with his friends and drank right after the break up. Days after. Hang in there and don't contact her. If it was meant to be she will come back to you and it will be on your terms. Link to comment
myJoy Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 determined, it looks to me like you're searching for a time frame on how long it would take for your ex to realize that she wants you back. i don't really think there's anyway of knowing. my friend's ex broke up w/ him nearly 2 yrs ago, & its only now that she realizes she wants him back. he had used the no contact rule to move on, & eventually ended up with a new gf that he is very much in love w/. the ex was too late. 9 yrs ago i was in a relationship where an ex-gf broke up w/ me, & it took 4 yrs to go by before she realized she loves me & wants me back. of course by then i had moved on. so there's really no telling. right now i am in the same jam as you. my ex broke up w/ me 1 mth. ago & is living w/ her new bf. she had cheated on me w/ this same guy while we were still in a relationship. you were asking about how to forgive & forget. i have no clue since this is the 1st time I've been cheated on. however, i'm not even thinking that far. i'm just waiting to see if she'll come back. in the mean time, i'm using the no contact rule & am keeping myself busy. she's been calling me 2x a week, & i've alwys kept the conversation short. i am contemplating whether or not i should tell her not to call me anymore. there are days when i just want to cave in. what i hate the most is how my day brightens up when she calls. i would do anything in the world to have her back, but i tell myself to be strong - so should you. good luck mate! Link to comment
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