Stories of an ex who came back after another

[spatzcolumbo]

In my opinion (and i wish i listened to and believed myself more instead of being paraniod) ex's DO think about the person they have dumped. When my ex first told me we needed a break a month ago, we didn't talk for about 9 days. I was paranoid taht she was just getting on with stuff and not thinking about me at all. Then i finally spoke to her and she said she had really missed me and had really found it hard. She even said she had not been able to work properly because she was thinking about me and stuff between us. We were together for 14 months. I think that when you are with someone for that long, and it is really amazing between you, you will naturally think of the other person, even if you have dumped them. If they ever really loved you, then i think it is only natural for them to, at some point, doubt their decision, or wonder if it was the right on.

[Silent Lucidity]

Determined-You sound like a good guy. I understand your situation and what you want-you want her to see the roses and get back together with you after going out with this other guy. Unfortunately in this neat equation you are being left out and your life is on hold. That just isn't fair to you. You have to realize that the focus needs to be you and your needs.

I feel for you and I think you need to cut contact completely. See if somehow friends can relay how happy you are and how well you are doing. Make sure this appears genuine otherwise she will see right through the facade. See how it goes.

 

In the meantime, you need to keep busy and talk about your feelings. Hang out with friends.Meet people. Don't be too hard on yourself and don't over analyze.

[Silent Lucidity]

Do you think ex's think of those they've dumped? Obviously in a minor relationship it may not be such a big deal, I was living with my ex for 2 years. She is now with some absolute loser?????Can ex's come out of these relationships and resume with their original partner++++Ex's think about those they dumped. You ex thinks about you a lot. Not to worry. The love doesn't go away over night. If she really loved you. a lot of those feelings will last a lifetime.

 

+++She is now with some absolute loser?????Can ex's come out of these relationships and resume with their original partner+++

They can and they do.

[Michael2]

They will realize what they lost. Love can not, and will not vanish. That is why it is so difficult for those of us who have been dumped. If we didnt love, then the breakup wouldnt be as painful. The same can be said about the dumpee. Sooner or later they will realize what they have lost, its just a matter of time. Now if that someone is with another, we are soon to jump to the conclusion that we are forgetton, but that can't be further from the truth.

[Silent Lucidity]

Determined- I just found out yesterday that my ex is seeing another guy already- a total loser. So I hear you big time. I don't know when I will get over the sting of that. I am completely devastated and heart broken.

[Silent Lucidity]

determined- I hear you big time. My ex is dating a short, fat guy. The complete opposite of me and yeah He preyed on her vulnerability to the point of telling her that he loves her already.Give me a break. of course It takes 2 to tango and perhaps the fact our exes left us for total losers just means they weren't the ones for us. I am really hurt though. I already overcame several health problems in my life, so I know I am strong. But I know 2 guys( bothe mid 20's) who never recovered from their broken hearts. I have an uncle who never married because his true love left him and he never could get over it. I just don't want to end up like that. For the life of me....

How are you handling things ?

I am so happy this site exists. At least I don't feel I am alone in this.

[determined]

I have good days (where I dont think about it) middle days (i think about it but I can handle the little kidney shots my mind plays on me) and then bad days (total utter disbelief what has happened, a gaping void where my "one" use to be, nothing left but hurt that she has done this to me).

 

Having said that I'm not angry, resentful etc, at the end of the day I look at it like this, at least our exes aren't with someone decent. Imagine how rough it would have been if this guy was tall, handsome, rich, had loads of cars, taking her away on holidays etc.

 

This way all this dumb twat can offer my ex is some mind numbing drugs where they wont be able to talk to get to know each other anyway. Your ex, well she will start getting suss when she notices the miracle grow and weight watchers all over the place.

 

I take pride in knowing that if my ex is stupid enough to saty with this loser, she'll end up in trailor, on benefit and nothing but safeway dinner for 2 at the best, I'll pass in my sports car (i work in advertising in London) and flick my cigerette at the guys head as he dribbles holding a can of beer in his white fish net vest ha ha, thats better. Seriously though I wish her no harm just happiness, I know she'll get bored of this loser, if she doesn't then she's a loser and everything I admored about her, her standards, her ambition her everything will be wasted. Why should we drag ourselves down when they are simply messing up their own lives, I dont want to be part of her mess, if she wakes up, cuts this idiot of great, then we'll talk, otherwise I'll be distant, friendly when she calls ME but that aside, we've goy lives to live and women who may very well be able to step into our exes shoes. I dont one to, but that's a fact and it will happen if you dont get back with your ex. Phew

[Silent Lucidity]

Well I had a alot of good days till I found out she was dating someone so fast and that they have already slept together. I don't want to spill all my personal beans but when I met her 2 years ago she was an innocent girl, who had barely ever kissed a guy. I sort of saved her from a loser, who preyed on her innocence. I babied her and for the first time in my life I never rushed a thing. In fact I am proud as a guy that I made her wait even when she told me that she was ready. previously I wouldn't have waited 2 weeks. I truly cherished and nurtured her and we had a great relationship.

 

You are handling this fine. I can tell from your posts.I need to take a pgae from your whole attitude.

 

The fact the guys our exes are dating are losers is somewhat gratifying, but all the same I have to wonder sometimes why ?

my ex's friends were shocked to find out we broke up. They couldn't say a thing except that we had a great relationship and that i was one in a million. Felt good but made me just further wonder why....I guess I should stop analyzing and follow the advice that I give out.

 

I just don't know. I just feel devastated and so hurt.....

 

 

I don't want to judge and I feel it is up to the man upstairs to determine what is right and wrong. I wish her the best and want her to be happy, but the truth is I just don't think she will find anyone half as good as me ever. They always come back-but it is always too late. I just can't see myself forgiving her for all of this.

[determined]

oh no man, dont go thinking I've got it together. I sometimes manage to get my head straigh for approx 5 mins, then I'm at despair avenue all over again.

 

I know we are gratful for them being with losers but like you said it still begs why why why. All her family are really disapointed in her, she even told me she was too embarressed to take this guy home to meet her parents, she might have already done so, the guy is a god damn gorrilla. I'm living with her uncle now, which is ver weird as we use to live there together with him, she even thinks she's become a loser.

 

She has alientaed her family, her friends and to an extent the person that knows her the best and would literally do anything for her..me! I dont think she'll find devotion, consideration or love like she had from me. I'm sure this guy thinks he loves her and she does him, but to be fair how can they whent they hardly know each other. It's total rebound and it may take her awile to come to that conclusion but like you said it will be too late. I've had understanding coming out of my arse and I'm thinking, "hang on" it did all of this and now you've done this...are you really a nice person???

 

I dont know mate, that the scary thing, the girl I met had standards and ambition and now she's settling for the scum of the earth, what's that all about?

 

Forgiveness is a powerful tool however, no matter what they've done, made you feel you will actually be a better person to forgive, if you dont this will carry into the next relationship. She always use to tell me the story of her parents, they met when they were our age (21/22) they graduated were about to settle down and then bang, the mum got cold feet, ran off and worked on a cruise ship for 2 years had loads of bf's and then she woke up came home and they've been happily married ever since, she also admitted to me that she cheated on her husband when they were first dating. Fairytales can happen mate, my gfs mum is a walking talking example, the question is, is do we have the strength to live up to one. i.e. getting on with our lives, accepting its over now and accepting they are with someone else because they are not with us. Bare this in mund she may not be with you but I bet she wont cry over this loser, I bet she cried over you. The sleeping together thing, yeah it hurts, but to have the a part of their heart is a much more powerful possession, I know I have hers and I'm sure you have yours, keep that in mind, Even when she doesnt call sms or email you, she's thinking of you, hell they are thinking of us so much they grab the first tosser to walk by and say hi to take their minds off us.

 

The show isn't over till the fat lady sings, I'm waiting with a box of tomotoes and if the fat lady even pokes her head on the stage I'll bombard her so she knows not to come out. DOnt hang around, don't mope, dont call, dont contact her, it's time to plot and plan and that is to make yourself a person that she will think God what have I lost and god what the hell is that next to me. Or you will find someone who will take you to a whole new level of happiness, I met my ex 6 months out of a really bad breakup and I had 2 amazing years with her, these guys aren't in that situation by the way, so its poss you may meet the one in a week etc and not even know or expect it.

 

Anyway, stay strong with your focus and objectives, keep them close to your heart and dont let anyone change your mind about them!

[JSHRN]

Several years ago a woman I had been dating for 4 years broke up with me and began a long distance relationship (he was 120 miles away) and she continued to live in the same town as me only a few blocks away. For the first 3 months, I heard nothing from her nor did I see her or her family. Then, she stopped by my place one day, totally unannounced, looking for sex. Of course, I caved in but there was no emotions involved. We hooked up a few more times that summer then she disappeared. After nine months of being apart she came back. We dated for another 3 1/2 years -- we even bought a house together (BIG mistake)! We broke up for the last time and I moved out of the house. 2 weeks later, she sold the house and moved in with the guy she had been seeing when we broke up the first time. She ended up marrying him and they now have a child.

[determined]

WOMEN HAVE TO BE THE STRANGEST SPECIES ON EARTH.

 

well I guess that goes to show they do come back, then away, then back, like I said the show aint over, the road ahead is long and bumpy. Now is the time to upgrade ourselves into 4x4 with suped up suspension, that way we'll ride the road easier than the losers who dont have a clue!

[Silent Lucidity]

Determined- Truth is you are a lot more together than I am presently. I can't sleep, work or eat. I have never felt worse in my entire life. The strange part is that I am very self-confident, yet this has done little to help me in this situation.

 

I work part time as a model, i just recently got discovered and I am meeting all kinds of fantastic people, but even they can sense that something isn't right. tomorrow is 6 weeks and the last few days were the worst of all.

 

is it possible that she loved me for 2 years and after a month fell in love with another guy ? a short fat one ? What is it that I don't see ???

 

 

 

+++I dont know mate, that the scary thing, the girl I met had standards and ambition and now she's settling for the scum of the earth, what's that all about? ++++I hear you. Mine was an innocent wide eyed girl. I taught her to love herself and appreciate who she was....now she has completely gone haywire. Sometimes I think our granparents had it right. They married young, often not knowing each other that great-grew to love one another and lived together forever. Todays society is all about experimenting, b.s finding yourself, sex and trying to determine what the hell you want. I knew what I wanted when I was 17-18....what gives ?

 

 

Have to say that my ex comes from a dysfunctional family. she never knew her real father and her mother is on her third miserable marriage. You mentioned that pattern with your ex's mother. I am afraid a lot of these things are in the genes or learned at home.

 

I will try to be forgiving, but the truth is a part of me wants to go back to my playboy days. As much as that goes against what I have written thus far. I just remember not giving a damn.....I just might go that route again.

 

I hope you are right and I do have that piece of her heart. I really want to believe that. I do . I just am not sure. I was her first love and she adored me. She often said she would give up her life for me.. I think that is one of the hardest parts. Remembering that and moving on.

 

 

 

I am going full speed on the no contact thing. I am going to pretend everything is just grand and I am doing amazing.

 

I will try to stay strong. The next few days are going to be the worst of my life thus far.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. If you have MSN i would love to keep in touch.

[determined]

Well, I had been doing the no contact rule for 3 days and then I get a messgae on sat morning "I've just had a lovely dream about you" bla bla. Well we had a txt thing throughout the day then she rang. We have a great conversation and she tells me that I'm still the only person on her wave lenth, oh and that she is really bored of the NEW guy. That's right the loser, everything I had said she said was true, he's boring, smokes dope all day, has no money etc etc, anyway the conversation gets to where we start saying we still have feelings for each other. That night very drunk txt her love you etc, no reply. Back to square one guys. I know if I do no contact again she be back but this is getting really repetitive and I always crumble. Word of advice, they will contact you and seek validation. The only way to lead them to really act on their instincts is to deny them of this validation, so losing you is a real risk. I tend to learn the hard way every time DAMN IT!!!!

[CAFEMCYC]

I had a success story, look for it under "A success story" it does happen and work out. Remember no contact means "No contact" They have to know you are serious. Mine realized it when one time she callefd I told her to leaveme alone, I was done. Look up mine it may help. We are getting married on June 26th. We were spearated for 7 months, she dated 2 different people. Remember the past is the past if you want a future with this person if you try to work it out.

[determined]

Thank you Caf. The problem is I react to eagerly to any signal she may give off, which is a bit selfish of her. Next time she calls do I say, right no contact from now on as I can't handle this yo yo crap. How long did you go with actually NO contact? I mean I've been playing this game for 3 months now and sometimes I feel I have the upperhand but then I react to her Siren ways and then she knows she still is in a position to visit for affection if and when she needs it.

 

Is your theory that they have to completely lose you in order to realise the situation?

[Silent Lucidity]

I think you need to go hard on the no contact rule. Don't call or text message at all. if she calls, great...make it seem as though things with you are good and you are not missing a beat. Then be the first to say, ok gotta go. Just don't contact her. This is delaying your progress of getting over her and it isn't helping getting her back at all. She needs to think that you have options and that you aren't sitting by the phone waiting for her. The complete effect of new guy=loser and bonehead, old boyfriend=true love and the right guy is going to be a long process. In the meantime you need to worry about yourself.

[determined]

I know you guys are right, it's just hard when the women you love is saying bits and pieces that give you hope. Should I just say outright "Look, what the hell do you mean your dhaving these dreams about me and you love the fact we know what each other are thinking. Either we start moving towards something real or we have no contact!"

 

Does that sound harsh? Or should I just say in a nice way, look I don't think we should speak!

[Silent Lucidity]

don't initiate any contact. Just make it seem as though you moved on or are moving on. If she calls keep the conversation short and sweet. Don't ask about her personal life or repeat the usual lines" why would you go out with this loser"" why are you with him if you love me" etc. If you do that, she will smell that at any time when she is done "experimenting " you will be waiting for her. Let her think your life is just fine and dandy without her. Keep the conversation general and short. But I repeat don't text and don't call. Keep yourself busy with other things. Life has to go on. I had to convince myself of this.

 

I am doing the no contact thing solidly for about a week. My ex literally flipped out on a mutual friend( her friend) this weekend when he told her how many women are chasing me and how happy and great everybody says I look. She only ever gets that angry when she cares and when something is eating at her. You can imagine the smile on my face

[determined]

Well after my declaration of drunken love to my ex and then having no response, and then sending just an info txt and still no reply I went Monday and Tuesday without contact her. To my surprise she texted me last night about how she had bought a new jumper and already lost it???? I can see that she is stabbing in the dark to see if I'm still there....I didn't reply....and it feels great. For once I feel I have more control now. I know it's not really a huge thing but it seems it to me. The first time I haven't responded in 2 years....wow

[CAFEMCYC]

I did the no contact for 3 months. If she called I kept in under control, I ended the call and I did not let the conversation to be steered where she wanted. I had told her when I started no contact "I love you, and still want to marry you, but leave me the F@#k alone. I cannot do this anymore." It's strange to me how people think no contact is only a few days, a week. You have to look at it as possibly a very long time. Its not just to win someone back, its to give you time to heal. You have to take control of your life and make it better for yourself.

[determined]

Are you saying I ignore her texts etc or when I speak to her (if she calls me) state leave me alone if she starts with I miss you bla bla.

 

Sorry to go so into this, it's just I'm fairly blinded and can't think objectively here.

[bdub]

You don't want to be overly rude or hostile. But I always kinda thought that the no contact rule was to allow yourself to heal. You aren't healed enough to talk with her about the relationship or anything emotional at all really. So avoid it. I wouldn't say that you have to be rude and not return calls, but be sure that when you do, you give enough time between the initial call and the return call that you send a clear message that you aren't sitting at home waiting for her to call you. She can't be the focus anymore. If she is, it will threaten her and she will run. Focus on you.

 

Best Wishes,

bdub

[Michael2]

No contact, how difficult it really is.

 

To make the long story short, my ex of 2 years brokeup with . Then dated another. She wanted to remain friends. I told her that I couldnt do that , and that I would apreciatte it if she didnt call me anymore. She got upset and said that she didnt want to lose my friendship. I told her I never wanted to talk to her again because it was too painful and that it would be best if we both moved on.

 

In the end, I was the one who needed to end the contact, so I told her to forget about me. Hard thing to do but I had to do it, and I pat myself on the back for having the courage to do so. I have to heal and that means we can't be friends now, but who knows what the future brings.

[determined]

It's hard to turn the no contact into a healing method rather than a getting back together one. But do you think when people feel that they will get back together and really believe it, it happens, is it possible to KNOW or have that intrinsic feeling, or is it simply blinded by love, pain etc

[Michael2]

Det,

 

Unfortunately you never truly now. The moment you know is when you are healed, which takes substantial time.

 

Many times after a breakup, one party always pictures and wants to get back with the ex, but I believe this is due to the pain and loneliness one experiences.

 

Once you heal, then you will know if it is time to get back together.

 

You are right, I believe we are blinded by the pain, and the feeling of BEING loved.