Stories of an ex who came back after another

[determined]

I'm curious to know if any of you have any tales of breaking up with an ex who the started a relationship with someone else and then came back.

 

My ex and I still love each other however she is seeing someone else right now. I pretty much am sure that it wont work, he's a druggy loser who pushes trollies in a supermarket. I'm not being snobby it's just that I know she can do better than a bit of rough.

 

So any tales of where an ex has left, realised what she/he missed then came back to recocile, any timelines also.

 

Thank you

xxx

[street]

yep i have just got back with my ex after exactly that, we were split for 7 months. she found someone else 2 months afer we split and up till last week was still with him..she split with me by the way

 

though she told me she has wanted us back together since day one really, guess she was just checking what the other side of the fence looked like...

 

it does happen, but u have to get on with life i was even seeing someone else as well though my heart was always with my ex!!

 

im abit nervous but it does feel very right!!

 

there is hope!

[mattias8701]

My girl and I just broke up after 2 1/2 years together. She dated her ex for 5 years and broke it off with him to be with me. As i said we dated for 2 1/2 years and lived together for 1 1/2. We split up and she is back hanging out with him. While we were together she still maintained contact with him and he would just send her the occasional letter or give a phone call just to check in. Well, we broke up and he is right back in there, comforting her and saying things like "even if I don't get to be with you I want to BE HERE for you." Total bullshit, but most likely devastating for my hopes of ever getting her to come back to me! Take heart, it does happen.

[determined]

wow. Well I've been with my ex, sorry WAS WITH, for 2 year and we lived together for pretty much all of it. Anyway we've been split for 2 months now and she's seeing this loser. He lives away though so she only gets to see him when she travels away to him. Like I said he is some huge gorilla Irish junkie weirdo whp pushes trollies in safeway?????

 

Since we've split we still say I love you, we still hold hands, we've slept together and she's cried down the phone saying she thinks we should be together (over xmas) then went away to see this jerk in Ireland (we live in the UK). All in all it's weird she hates the fact I see other girls but I am worried that she will fall for this loser and forget me. Although I did everything for her and her parents are really disapointed, I even live with her uncle still so there are links if it was to work out again.

 

So all in all you do believe that after an intense relationship your ex will fly into another one, even tell the new guy she loves him (bullshit rebound talk)etc etc but can wake up and smell the coffee?

[determined]

That's one thing that is in my favour. Her uncle thinks she is a tit in a trance, her mother and father are gutted and keep telling her that we can work it out and that they miss me.

 

I just dont know if she's got herself into a situation that will be hard to get out of, I mean she's already telling this fool she loves him but tells me why she is saying it. I'm starting to feel stronger as I know this guy is a complete bum and that I truly know her, love her and am worthy of her. At the same time I'm starting to feel resentful that she's with him and not me. I guess love is all about compromise though isn't it. How did you guys feel about your ex coming back after she played about, understanding or angry???

[mattias8701]

I would feel both, very difficult but remember how you felt when you were apart and cultivate the ralationship like a prized orchid!

[determined]

Street

 

How did you handle the break up initially? Did you stay in contact or did you distance yourself from her? How did you react to this other guy and her seeing him exclusively? I hope this doesn't upset you but your advise could be my saviour.

 

Cheers

[juno]

Just imagine getting married with her knowing that she can mantain two guys thinking about her.

 

This woman lacks of integrity, she lies, its imposible to love two guys at the same time. She is looking for something u dont have but wont tell you. Instead keeps you intersted in case the relationship with the "druggy" fails. She has low self-steem and simply doesnt want to loose you while she finds the right one (that obviolusly isnt you pal).

 

Why are u waiting for her? Can u look for honest women?.

[determined]

I undersatnd your motivation for replying as you did, however I am in love with her and I do know her very very well, of course you can only go on the skin deep details I've provided. You are logical in your advise and thank you for being honest, however try and appreciate I do love her and my love in unconditional. That doesn't mean I'm being used as a doormat, I'm simply looking for some insight

[determined]

How do you feel about the person after they have been with someone else? Is it possible to forgive easily? SHould I severe contact until she is done with this guy?

[street]

Determined,

 

For the few months I did the begging and kept in constant contact, but then I stopped contact for a few months and that worked, she couldn't handle it…and so for the last couple of months we have been in contact and I guess its gradually been building up to getting back together…

 

The only advice I can give u is cut contact, let her miss u..it worked for me…I know its so hard to do but also go out with mates and try to enjoy urself..chat to other girls u don't have to do anything else…I even started seeing someone else…though my heart was never in it fully it was good to have a female mate, as long as ur straight with them from the beginning…and the best thing I found I talking to people, don't bottle it up inside!!

 

Hope it works out for u, the saying if its meant to be it will be was one I never believed but now I do!

 

Pm if u need more help

[determined]

Street

 

Thank you so much mate. How did you handle the fact that she was with someone else? Did the no contact thing work then? Also when you say no contact, did you simply not contact her, what happened when she contacted you or did you ignore her calls & txts for a couple of months?

 

One more thing, have you've been able to get over the fact that she was with someone else? I'm desperately trying to be strong but I ended up txting her good night last night ahhhh I need to stop contact NOW!

[determined]

Has anyone else experienced anything similar to Street etc?

[juno]

Breaking up is about pain my friends, and it is painful to try to understand that this woman doesnt want u anymore, no Im not being just plain logic Ive been in the same situation. Theres a moment when u have to realize the relationship is over. Being her friend is going to prolong the agony. She is ok, she has a boyfriend and an idiot waiting for her. What about you man, dont u want to have a gf too. Luck

[determined]

What's with your aggressive approach Juno? I've not caused you any harm, and what you say is quite harmful. How would you know her? And why call me an idiot because I'm following my heart rather than being bitter and twisted. I'm well aware that it's over I dont need you to spell it out for me, it's apparent when I wake up alone, when I walk to work alone, when I eat my lunch alone. Thanks, you've made me feel really great

[juno]

In so sorry if I hurt your feelings. The thing is that when i was in the same situation I lost months waiting for her, even though she didnt have a new boyfriend. She got one later. And most of the help I received from the people here didnt help till I was waken up to my reality by an "aggressive aproach" by a guy who was in the same situation. Im sorry if I was rude. but im showing interesr in your case. Anyway. Luck.

[determined]

It's crazy man, she fed me all the "we will be back together one day" and "I still love and miss you" "I need to grow". That was has stopped me moving on where I was able to accept reality easier with previous girlfriends. I was doing okay today and now I kinda feel low, probably not because of you but the sinking heart feeling is so awful.

 

I have been out of contact with her for 3 days now in the 2 months we've split up and it so hard not to txt her good night or what are you doing. I almost trick myself that it would be a good idea, maybe it is ahhh I dont know anymore I just dont know and staring into the abyss scares the hell out of me. Also I live with her uncle in the room we use to sleep laugh and play in. Waking up in a baron room where it use to have all her stuff in is heart wrenching, I dont know what to do to stop this self indulging pain. I try and stay strong but its just so hurtful

[juno]

Yes I know its awful. I once had trouble breathing couse of the pain. But keep yourself strong man. Its going to desapear little by little. Im fine now. Keep busy all day go out and do things. Dont contact her. She has a boyfriend she chose. Its her responsabity.

This experience will make u so powerful if u support it. Im serious. Resist man for god's sake. Luck

[bdub]

Juno is right, determined.

 

You can and will get through this. And think of how strong you will have become *because* you have been through this.

 

I was recently in your shoes. She broke with me and I was very hurt. It really seemed to come out of nowhere. Now she doesn't have any contact with me, but thats alright now. I have walked through the tunnel you are in now and I came out the other side.

 

I look at it like this: There will be many emotional challenges in my life. Its unavoidable. Someday, I will have to watch a loved one die. I have seen some already, and it hurt. But each time I go through that tunnel of emotional pain, and reach the other side alive; I have become stronger because I can turn around and see that tunnel and know that I've walked that road, but it didn't kill me. The next tunnel, though it may be darker and longer than the one previous, will not be so bad, because I've been there before.

 

Heal yourself and keep a positive outlook on life. When you are healed and looking forward to life instead of looking back on the pain, you will be in a better place than ever before. And by being stronger, you will look that much more attractive to everybody around you, including your ex.

 

Best Wishes,

bdub

[determined]

I'm not saying it will and I'm not a fool to believe it will. But if she does approach me concerning reconciliation what do I do then. Say no straight away in CASE it doesn't work out. We are young a(21/22) and surely people at our age make mistakes to discover who we are?

 

What do I say if she rings me and says she miss's me? I haven't txt her but then last night she cracked and txted me asking how I was. I sad really good, work is going well etc and she replied with "Im ok I guess etc etc". I'm not falling for the validation trick and will remain distant even if she has the guts to tell me how she feels. But what then if she does? Street is back with his ex because he loves her and found it within him to forgive her and put the past behind him, I'm sure many of you would reconcile if they cam eback to you

[determined]

Apparently 80% of successful relationships have a breakup in them!

[spatzcolumbo]

i know loads of people who have split up only to get back together. my sister and her boyfriend broke up after 6 years, only to get back together 2 months later. He dumped her claiming he just didn't want to be with her any more, etc etc. They went through all the normal stuff - begging, asking why, how it could change, etc. She eventually decided to play it cool - let him see her out having a good time, but not dating, just laughing, and having fun. A few weeks after he saw taht he told her it killed him to see that she wasn't bothered, and they got back together.

 

Same with a couple of my friends - they split after just over a year cos the girl told my mate that she wanted to be single, and was scared by the commitment. 3 weeks later she came back and said that she realised that having any guy she wanted wasn't actually what she wanted.

 

There are a couple of other similar stories i have heard, which is what i am clinging onto with my current situation. But i also think that it is really hard to judge when this is actually happening, and when it is just your brain leading you to hear things you want to hear.

[determined]

Yeah, I've been hearing stories of up to 1 and 5 years of couples being split and having relationships in between. The question is do these people fully embrace that its over and wont happen and then are surprised or do they hang on in there keeping contact?

[spatzcolumbo]

Well in the two stories i mentioned specifically, both the people who had been dumped decided to hang in there to some extent, but play the game of trying to make the ex think that they really didn't care. By doing this, they make the ex realise whether or not they actually miss them or not, possibly more quickly than if they left things completely. My friend used the slightly harsh method of taking his ex's best friend out for a meal. His ex got jealous and it made her realise her true feelings.

 

As for my sister, she was gutted for a few weeks, and then played the game of turning up in places she knew they both hung out - she made out like her life wasn't on hold just because of all that had happened. Even though her life was completely screwed up. her ex saw her having fun and it made him realise a few things.

 

as i said in another topic, When my ex went back up to uni a few days ago, she message me about something she could have found out from anyone else. I am sure she chose me just to have a reason to contact me. I hope that it means that maybe when she dumped me she didn't realise quite how much she had got used to having me about, and actually needs me there more than she thinks. Its just the waiting to find out that kills me.

[determined]

Do you think ex's think of those they've dumped? Obviously in a minor relationship it may not be such a big deal, I was living with my ex for 2 years. She is now with some absolute loser?????Can ex's come out of these relationships and resume with their original partner?