mattias8701

Well, she called and left me a message. Yesterday, I turned 30! She just said "Hey Matt it's Leigh, and I know it's probably not good for us to chat and have these long winded conversations because it just messes me up in the head, but I did want to call and say happy 30th birthday and that I hope that this year turns out to be as productive as you want it to be and I just hope it's a good year for you. So, Happy Birthday, take care , Bye." I did not call back but I was pretty mad that I missed her call. How stupid, though why not just say hi, happy birthday, instead of that silly preface to an otherwise nice message. I am working hard to get over this but at the same time hope that she will get sick of her ex boyfriend. Of course by that time I may very well have moved on completely. The long winded conversation she was referring to was the time we spoke for 2 hours on New Year's. Do you have any advice as to how to proceed? Any hope of another chance at some point? I have just completely left the situation alone as of now and am going on as if she is married with 10 children. You know, I just got back from my first date with a new hottie that I met last night! I actually had a great time and really didn't think about my ex much. There are definitely some good ones out there! I do have some advice that I would like to pass on, find a really hot girl or guy and hang out, your attitude will definitely improve rapidly and if your ex does decide to get back on the scene you will not be socially rusty and so focused on hurrying back to them! Thank you sooo much as always!

Hello all, Well, tomorrow is my birthday. 30 years young! As you might have seen from my previous posts, I have been having (like most of you) an awful time after breaking up with my girlfriend. She has been seeing her ex before me. I am hoping that she will call me tomorrow or leave me a card. I left her a very nice one for her birthday in December. If I get a call, how do I act? She has called a few times and we spoke for 2 hours on New year's Eve even though I knew she had plans with him. I saw her New Year's Day for a few minutes and we hugged and held on to each other for a moment but after that, no contact. I have been VERY strict about not contacting her, she has done all of the calling. Any advice???

I would feel both, very difficult but remember how you felt when you were apart and cultivate the ralationship like a prized orchid!

My girl and I just broke up after 2 1/2 years together. She dated her ex for 5 years and broke it off with him to be with me. As i said we dated for 2 1/2 years and lived together for 1 1/2. We split up and she is back hanging out with him. While we were together she still maintained contact with him and he would just send her the occasional letter or give a phone call just to check in. Well, we broke up and he is right back in there, comforting her and saying things like "even if I don't get to be with you I want to BE HERE for you." Total bullshit, but most likely devastating for my hopes of ever getting her to come back to me! Take heart, it does happen.

I am feeling so unbelievably hurt and empty right now. My birthday is in two days (the big 3-0)and I am still clinging to the hope that someday, Leigh will return to me. I pray that she will call me or send me a card for my birthday. It has been 5 days since I saw her and hugged her. I think I might have blown it talking to her for 2 hours on New Year's Eve. I did not get mad or jealous when she said that she was seeing her ex boyfriend, rather, I didn't let her see it. She told me that "it felt as if she and her ex picked up where they left off" and that "if you and I were ever to get back together, it would be the same because you really already know the person." I told her that I was pleased that she has found such solid support and said that they sounded like a great match. For some reason she seemed upset by that statement. When I suggested getting together to grab some food she started to cry and said that she would not want to fall apart at a restaurant because all she would do is sit and cry. I am starting with a new therapist because I feel like I am not progressing very well in the fact that I vacillate between telling myself to keep hope and faith alive and she will come back and trying to convince myself that I am happy that she has found comfort in her ex boyfriend. I am trying to be so angry with her to protect myself, but in the end, the only thing I will accomplish is to burn myself out. I am a ridiculously loyal person and it is very hard for me to give up even though I have strong indications that she may never return or contact me again. The whole saga can be seen in my previous posts. Did I blow it by letting her know that I cared and missed her? I am hoping and praying that this thing with her ex plays itself out and I will have my stuff together and we can have a real chance with her 100% in it and me 100% together. I know some of you hard asses out there might make fun of me for this but I wrote a poem to try and make some sense of this. It is amazing how a 6-4 220 pound former college hockey player got his emotional ass kicked by a 5-5 110 pound woman! Seriously, any further advice at this point is always needed and very much appreciated. Just because, I am going to post what I wrote. Can any one relate? One Wish I'd gladly give my everything, to simply hear you say something. Afraid to walk alone into places we once shared in fear that every corner of the room now acknowledges my loss. My heart clinging stubbornly and unwavering to a road that is familiar and expected. Thoughts desperately trying to free themselves towards uncertainty, from intrusion of our memories, from the burdens of sorrow and loss. Wishful that the hope, love, and faith sharing space with the pain and bitterness will one day finally overcome. Tears shed in isolation can never truly convey to you disillusionment dancing with betrayal. Letters you wrote promising me "forever" and "always" now litter my table and my dreams. They are seldom read, there is no need or purpose, the words repeat in a steady cadence during my waking hours and drive me from the temporary protection of sleep. Will you ever know the purity of my intentions and sincerity of my effort in true changes? In my heart of hearts, I live to hear that in your thoughts we are meant to be and some secret part deep within you always knew it. The struggle would end by the clarity that comes with meeting our heart's longing. A love lost, the fight of my life. Waking once again next to you. Our love regained, defended, and recognized for a lifetime.

I did the no contact thing for two months and it was she who was calling. Leaving me to be with an assistant to the assistant football coach???!!! God that hurts. Do you think that she was just calling to appease her guilt? I have the choice to attend either law or medical school next fall because I took the LSAT for law school and did great on the test. I applied to be a transfer student for med school since I already did one year and was accepted to both programs. With my ADD and depression getting under control, I know that I will succeed! If I can accomplish all of this, be a merit scholar, a Division 1 College athlete, nice, polite, and good looking, WHY can I not hold on to the girl that I love??!!! What the heck does this guy have that I don't? Oh that's right, he now has HER! Funny that I am asking this of all of you, because it is the exact same thing that her ex was asking her when she started seeing me! 2 1/2 years down the drain is unbelieveably hard to swallow!

Well, quite a bit has happened since my last posts (See previous). Just for background: My ex and I broke up on October 19th. She hung out with her ex boyfriend when she went out of town for Homecoming at her college. She stayed up all night talking with him, told him all of our problems and when we talked on the phone while she was driving home, told me she felt like she wanted to kiss him. I told her I wanted to end the relationship on the spot. By the time she got back, I had cooled down and told her I wanted to save the relationship and tried to see what it was I had done to contribute to this situation. She did not want to work things out. When we broke up, she said that she wishes we had gotten engaged because we could have worked this out. I said that we did not need a ring to work this out and before there was ANY ring, this would have to be resolved. I moved out and was very strict about not calling her. My ex has been calling me roughly every three days since December 19th just having short conversations related to things about the apartment we once shared etc. I have not contacted her once directly since we broke up. I left a birthday card and one congrats card when she got into grad school, but outside of that no calls, nothing except a chance encounter on December 1st . We talked twice just recently on Friday and again on Sunday for about 20-30 minutes. She brings up things about the relationship and like why didn't I make my self-improvements while we were together? She called me on New Year's Eve and we talked for 2 hours. She wanted to know if I would take her dog to the park for a walk if I was taking mine. She said that she still doubts in her heart of hearts that I have changed which is so incredibly hurtful to me. All of the therapy and medication to fight my ADD and depression, all of the work I am doing just seemed to be brushed aside. She said that she felt that "I just threw us away" and that I "put a positive spin on things" even though I am busting my butt and even though she is the one who refuses to go on a date with me or even give me an opportunity to compete. She said that I am so smart and talented, but that her ex has no drama in his life and that he is just steady and consistent. OUCH!!! She said that she is dating him again but "not exclusively." Her ex-boyfriend is in town because he is an assistant to the assistant football coach at a big university and there is a bowl game here today. She broke up with him 2 ½ years ago to be with me. They dated for around 5 years but she dated other people and severed all contact with him when we got serious. She really never cut all ties though because they spoke to each other on the phone off and on the entire time we dated and even when we lived together. Am I an idiot or what??? I am beginning to realize that she really never loved me and all of her talk about getting engaged was a bunch of crap. They spent New Year's together. I went out with friends and came by her apartment to get the dog on the morning of New Year's Day. As I was walking out I saw her, she obviously spent the night over at his hotel. THAT HURT!!!!. She came up and greeted her dog. I said Happy New year and hugged her. We have not seen each other since December 1st. It felt so great to have her in my arms, we held each other for a minute, I kissed her forehead and I left. This has been the hardest time I have ever had with a breakup. I cried like a baby later that day. I get advice from a few friends, one guy and one girl. My guy pal tells me that there is no hope. She has made her decision. He thinks that this renewed contact is just to pacify me while her old boyfriend is in town and all of the gestures she is making is out of pity. The girl who gives me advice just tells me to back off even more and just get out there and date. She thinks I might be pleasantly surprised regarding my ex and pointed out that at least you have a line of communication open and to use it to my advantage. It seems that I have been demoted to dog walker! Please help me here! I want something tangible, not all of this heartache!

That is cool you are a Minnesota man BrandonBo. I was born and raised there. Go Gophers!

I love her so much and want to be back together in the worst way. The thing that is keeping me in check is that I want to have my career together to prevent her from leaving again. I absolutely could not handle this twice!!!!

Okay, so we've talked a little and that's it at this point. Do I just sit back and continue on with my life? How do i know when to make a move? Since she dumped me, do I have to move at all??

Thanks Tough Girl! I am happy to hear it. I could write volumes about the little nuances of the relationship, yet I am just trying to do the right thing. Yes things are definitely falling into place with my job serach and law school plans, I just want it all to fall into place, the career and the love of my life!

Hello again. I previously posted about my ex gf and how she has started to contact me again after 2 months apart. After my post yesterday, I got a call from my friend who said that my ex had shown up at the park with her dog. This is the park where I walk everyday after work with my dog. I was still at work though. She called me last Friday and we started off with small talk and eventually moved a little into "us" as in her asking why I didn't make these improvements in my life while we were together. She called again on Sunday and I talked to her briefly yesterday. My question is, am I just reading into this too much? Do you think there is some hope?The last time she came to the park was just after we split two months ago! Any advice would be welcome!!! Thanks

Thanks Neallo! I am certainly trying to be patient. I called her and let her know where some painting supplies were in the apartment, that was the reason she gave for calling me yesterday. I greeted her in Spanish and she laughed! It was great to hear. She said she got a new apartment today and told me where it was. I did not ask. I took that to be a good sign. I said that I was mad because each time we talked my cell phone dies and she jokingly said that maybe it was symbolic. Not in a mean way. I said "no way! I will just make sure to charge it more next time!" I was very nice and did not bring up the topic of us. You give great advice, the comfort must be respected. This is the woman I want to marry, so if I must concede a few small battles to win the war, I will do it!!! Any more advice is always welcome and appreciated!

Hello all! I have been browsing this forum for quite a while and have found the advice to be both helpful and at times inspirational. I broke up with my girlfriend about 2 months and 1 week ago. We dated for 2 and a half years. The reason we broke up, quite simply, is that she felt I would never be able to get it together enough to find a career, stick with it, and be a breadwinning husband and father. I was in medical school but got to the point where my study mechanisms were overcome by my disorder. I have attention deficit disorder and was battling deep depression (which I did not realize at the time.) I also had some resentment towards her because she kept talking to her ex boyfriend even when I told her it bothered me. This is really not important to me now as I am trying to win her back, and am fairly certain that he is just a landing cushion and a dead end for her. I am taking medication for my ADD and depression now and am seeing a therapist to help me become a better and stronger person. I took my medical boards and did extremely well on them. What a difference the medication and therapy has made! I am doing all of the things I had set out to do. I took the LSAT for law school and have been applying and interviewing for a spot with a pharmaceutical company. My goal is to get a pharmaceutical position and then pursue finishing my MD or getting a JD and working in corporate law. Paradoxically, my progress is very frustrating. Why couldn't I see this while she and I where together??? Sorry about the long intro, just thought some background would be helpful. We lived together for a year and I was devastated when we broke up. I sincerely believe that we are a great fit and now that I have had some time to step back, I really know that I want this to work. I observed the no contact rule strictly. We had two dogs between us and my dog would often go and stay at her apartment during the day while I worked. She would leave me little notes that were just about business like stuff that needed to be picked up etc. I left her a birthday card on Dec 18 and about a month before a congrats card (she got into grad school). She called me on Friday and we really got a chance to talk. I told her about what was going on with my life and she caught me up. When I told her about my progress she asked why I didn't do it when we were together. All I could tell her is that I was not thinking clearly and did not understand the damage I was doing to us as a couple. My cell phone was losing charge so I asked if I could call her back. She said yes. I did not call and she called back again on Sunday and we talked again. She said that her dad was devastated that we had broken up and that he thought I "hung the moon." I was very nice and let her know that I did not blame her for breaking up at the time, I had nothing to offer her. She said that I was so intelligent and talented and could do anything I put my mind to. I asked if we could meet and talk and she said that she was still feeling "tender". My questions are many! How do I keep from screwing this up? I am so in love with her and want so badly to be together but realize that I must be patient and consistent. How do I know when to make a move? I was thinking that when I get one of these pharmaceutical jobs that I could ask her on a date and take it very slowly if she agrees, and not live together again until we are married if it even gets to that point. Her favorite musical Oklahoma is coming to town at the end of January and I asked if she might want to go. She replied "Well, I do love Oklahoma." Not yes and not no. Please help me out here folks. Is it unhealthy to harbor hope? Is there still a chance? What steps should I take? I read the Morrigan's post regarding getting your ex back but would love a little additional advice! Thank you so much for reading through this epic!