turned on by rejection?

[Caterina]

A LOT of people have said that when something is unavailable, you want it more versus convenient availability.

 

What do you think? Do you think that this is the sole cause of unrequited feelings?

 

If thats true, why do so many people get into relationships? Are they all settling?

[karvala]

I certainly don't people are turned on by rejection in any sense, or at least not anyone that I've come accross. I think you're referring to the "don't know what you've got until it's gone" syndrome, which is certainly very common indeed, but this isn't being turned on by the rejection. Instead, I think it's a combination of two things

 

(1) A desire for something that you very want, but that you were not very conscious of until it disappeared or was about to disappear. It's the same for people who've had near-death experiences and suddenly found how much more they appreciate life. Something which seems to be secure and that we can take for granted, is inevitably appreciated less. It's absense reminds us to be appreciate it more when it's present.

 

(2) A safety net "not too close, not too far" feeling that arguably stems from early childhood and the separation of infant and mother, whereby infants go through a stage once they've learned to walk of wanting their mother to be close, but not too close that she interferes in their play. This is also at the heart of the "push-pull" dynamic common to many relationships.

[Tethys]

I think there is a pull towards what we can't have, it's human nature. I am a total victim of unrequited love. It SUCKED. I learned from my mistake, and I won't repeat it. It was awful.

[Superfreak]

I've never gotten turned on by rejection, but when someone isn't interested in me it does make me think to myself "why?" As such I probably end up giving that person more thought then I otherwise would, but it doesn't make me want to get in a relationship with them any more or less then if they said they were completely interested in dating me.

[Luke Skywalker]

Rejection makes you feel bad. Inavailability, like saying you are 'busy', or sending 'mixed-messages' where you are not sure where you really stand, is more likely what you are talking about. Rejection is too black and white -- in this side it's the black side. For me it doesn't turn me on because I don't see how someone making you feel small or bad about yourself, especially if you need an ego-boost is going to be a turn-on. However, making some sort of 'mixed-messages', 'busy' play where you are left in the air and she seems unavailable, but you cant get a clear rejection out of her is more of the inavailabilit you are talking about.