Believeyoume Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I wonder how one can go a year, being a best friend, a lover and every other aspect of my life to just being nothing at the drop of a hat. I couldn't have been more confident in "us". I had no signs of the end. I was just abruptly torn from my lover, my best friend in one swift motion on an idle Tuesday afternoon. A few days before we had just been sharing ice cream together, smiling, laughing, happier than ever....or so it seemed. I feel so deceived. She won't answer my calls, messages, etc and she has gone back to hanging out with friends that she claimed to "hate" when we dated. She had worked them out of her life. There is a void in me now, and I can't stand on my own it seems. I've never been on this side of a break-up and it hurts more than anything I've ever felt. Everyday is a rollercoaster, good for a few hours and then a breakdown. We broke up a 4 weeks ago, and we just stopped all communication a week ago. Not my choice. She refused to talk with me about it in person, it was all over the phone. I feel like if I dedicate my whole heart to her for a year, i at least deserve a talk, in person. Sorry for the rant...I guess I need someone to care. I'm broken. Link to comment
doyathink Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Break ups hurt regardless what end you're on. But think back..there had to be a clue or two that would have been a sign that she was checking out of the relationship. Has she started dating anyone new yet that you know of? Link to comment
Believeyoume Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 Break ups hurt regardless what end you're on. But think back..there had to be a clue or two that would have been a sign that she was checking out of the relationship. Has she started dating anyone new yet that you know of? No, she hasn't started dating someone else, as far as I know. We started NC, so I don't really know for sure. It would crush me even worse if I found that out. I can't think of her with anyone else...I feel like I knew all the things that made her heart light up and it hurts to think that she could just find that somewhere else when that was the most I could give. I feel so discounted. Link to comment
NR498E Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 ahh dude, I feel bad for you, I really do. Not seeing all of this coming is pretty normal. The rollercoaster of emotions your having is very normal. Her not wanting to talk to you and going back to her old friends, very typical. My advice to you is to try and stay busy. And for go total no contact with her. If you call her or contact her in anyway you are just pushing her farther away. Stay NC and eventually she'll come to you. Goodluck with all of this. Please feel free to cry and let it out. Feel free to post here as much as you like. But don't contact her, it will just set you back. Link to comment
AustinHand Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 i went through the same thing, expect we were alot younger. I was a mix of & Link to comment
doyathink Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I asked if she had started dating anyone new because I wondered if she was cheating on you. So often when a relationship cuts out that quick, it means someone else is in the mix. Everyone here has been lost and broken at some point, we can relate. Talk it out here, and stay busy...that seems to help some. Go out with friends too....keep your mind busy! Link to comment
Believeyoume Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 ahh dude, I feel bad for you, I really do. Not seeing all of this coming is pretty normal. The rollercoaster of emotions your having is very normal. Her not wanting to talk to you and going back to her old friends, very typical. My advice to you is to try and stay busy. And for go total no contact with her. If you call her or contact her in anyway you are just pushing her farther away. Stay NC and eventually she'll come to you. Goodluck with all of this. Please feel free to cry and let it out. Feel free to post here as much as you like. But don't contact her, it will just set you back. Thanks a lot. The positive feedback does genuinely help. I appreciate it. I am trying to stay busy, but we did every little thing together. Every place reminds me of her, the grocery store, the mall, the movies, my car for heaven's sake. Gosh...it just all needs to leave me so I can enjoy my life again...I just want to be happy again...I haven't had a truly happy day for almost a month now. Link to comment
Believeyoume Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 I really wish she could know and understand all the hurt and destruction she has caused me. How I have to go through so many days miserable, hopelessly wishing for the past back. I wish I knew if she was feeling this to, or at least feeling sorrow. But she can't be...this is what she wanted...she said she needed time to be on her own, so this is what she wants. Although, she said that about being with me also, and look what happened. Girls are such a mess. No offense. heh. Link to comment
doyathink Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 What goes around, comes around. Remember that. If she feels nothing...then it's for the best that you're not with a cold, ruthless ......person. Right? Link to comment
Believeyoume Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 What goes around, comes around. Remember that. If she feels nothing...then it's for the best that you're not with a cold, ruthless ......person. Right? You're right, and the rational part of me loves to think that way, but the irrational part comes out too and its just a negative wandering mind, even when I know better. Bah to being human. But it still helps to have someone reinforce that. Thanks. Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 It's happened to us all. It really sucks right now, I know. The hardest thing to do is nothing at all, and that's what you have to do. Don't call her, text, or email her. Just try to avoid all contact and talk to friends or family about how you feel. The only time I really felt any relief in my situation was when I cried in my room. I only wish I had done it more. It will help you a lot to get those tears out, don't keep it all bottled up. I wish you the best, and hopefully things work out the best for you. Link to comment
osocute Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 o hunny. i feel the same way. only we weree having problems. his problewm being he wanted to "not be tied down" we lived together, and he was out till 6am, talking to chicks not answering his phone, not calling me. i couldsnt take it. he told me there was nothing to worry about and long story short i was right. i knew i was. he moved out and the even htough i knowwwwww he wasnt right for me, and it was only ggood when it wasss good i cant stop thinking of him. everything reminds me of him, i cant sleep like u, going from seeing him EVERYDAYYYY and talking 20 times a day to nothinggg is just like someone stabbing a chest in ur heart. i feel ur pain and i hope we bothhh find true happiness. and i garentuee they both come back and regret what they have done. good luck to u Link to comment
chopperboy Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 No, she doesn't love you anymore. And my GF, the love of my life, doesn't love me anymore, either (as of a couple of weeks ago). And it hurts like hell - because we had the best thing in life and it was taken away from us. People change, though, and love can be fleeting. Thank her for the time you had together, and have faith that the experience and the loss will make you a better, stronger person. I wish there was some shortcut to healing, but there isn't. You'll get there, though. Hang in there. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 I really wish she could know and understand all the hurt and destruction she has caused me. How I have to go through so many days miserable, hopelessly wishing for the past back. I wish I knew if she was feeling this to, or at least feeling sorrow. But she can't be...this is what she wanted...she said she needed time to be on her own, so this is what she wants. Although, she said that about being with me also, and look what happened. Girls are such a mess. No offense. heh. This is probably the main reason she does not want to talk with you in person. She does not want you to see her vulnerable side. She does not want to feel any guilt for the pain that she has caused here. She does not want to feel anything and she might if she sees you. This way she can avoid and deny having feelings to herself. IF she does admit that to herself, this will set up an emotional conflict that she could not handle. Link to comment
Iakasot Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 It's nothing new. It's usually the chicks who break things off and all of a sudden go from being loving an affectionate to just feeling "nothing". Read this blog, it might help you gain some perspective. link removed You'll get through it, man, I know you will. Start being creative, pick up new exciting and challenging hobbies. Slowly, as you enjoy life, everything will fall back in place. Oh, don't talk to your ex ever, she hurt you once, she'll hurt you again. You might even get a crying 3am call a year later of not talking her begging you to take her back, all the while she's dated 2 other a**holes and remembered that you were always nice to her. Don't fall for it. Change your # if you have to. She's not who she seems, and she WILL manipulate her if you let her. Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 ahh dude, I feel bad for you, I really do. Not seeing all of this coming is pretty normal. The rollercoaster of emotions your having is very normal. Her not wanting to talk to you and going back to her old friends, very typical. My advice to you is to try and stay busy. And for go total no contact with her. If you call her or contact her in anyway you are just pushing her farther away. Stay NC and eventually she'll come to you. Goodluck with all of this. Please feel free to cry and let it out. Feel free to post here as much as you like. But don't contact her, it will just set you back. Not always true. I agree that begging for it backs only makes them move farther away, but there ARE relationships that are simply over. Link to comment
chopperboy Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 It's usually the chicks who break things off and all of a sudden go from being loving an affectionate to just feeling "nothing". So true (at least by my experience). Link to comment
chopperboy Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 Not always true. I agree that begging for it backs only makes them move farther away, but there ARE relationships that are simply over. Gotta agree with StillSmiling here. NC is not a way to manipulate your ex into wanting you back. It's for you to take your space so that you can gain closure. When you accept that things really are over, you can really begin to heal. Link to comment
Iakasot Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 So true (at least by my experience). It's not just your experience, did you read the blog? Link to comment
NR498E Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Originally Posted by StillSmiling Not always true. I agree that begging for it backs only makes them move farther away, but there ARE relationships that are simply over I agree as well; I didn't mean to imply that she will "want him back". What I meant was, she will come around and contact him at some point. That I am sure of, but that does not necessarily mean she will want to work things out. Every ex I have ever had has contacted me completely out of the blue at some point. Mostly out of curiosity, wondering what I have been up to. And a couple have wanted to spark up the romance again. My current GF I dated for 3 years, broke up with, and then didnt speak to for over 2 years. We have been seeing each other for about 9 months now. Anything can happen. Link to comment
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