why?

[brandnew1]

I knew a guy for 3 years (since senior yr of college)...we stayed in touch by writing letters and emails. We made out in college and were reunited when he went back to that college for graduate school and I moved back in with my parents in between jobs. We really hit it off when I saw him again and started a long distance relationship. I warned him ahead of time (like this really matters) that I had been cheated on by my last ex (that I dated for 5.5 years) and that I just didn't want him to hurt me. We saw each other from August - October until I brought up the subject of dating in October. I am VERY particular with who I sleep with. I will ONLY do it if in a monogamous relationship and we waited until December - he was my 2nd ever. I asked him the last time he had had sex and he said in July. I also made him get an STD test and I had one as well to be fair. We dated from October - February at which time he said he couldn't make me happy and a slew of other excuses. I blocked him on facebook and wouldn't answer his text messages or gifts he kept sending me (why was he sending me things saying I miss you, I'm constantly thinking of you etc if he broke up with me?). I totally went NC.

 

Well, in May, after I had moved to a new city and new job, I felt a bit immature for blocking him so I sent him a nice, short note congratulating him on his first year of school being finished. He wrote me back, send me a CD, and asked me if I would visit him. I responded with a CD and a note and did not answer about the visit. He found out I was moving to a new apt somehow and raced to send me another letter since he wouldn't have my address. I got it the day I moved out. I wrote back.

 

The other day I found out from one of his friends that he "made out" with a girl that was in his class during the beginning of the year (before we were officially dating). This same girl tried to be my friend and would often talk to me on chat. I had specifically asked him about her and he said she was gross. He often called me insecure in our relationship because I was very jealous and suspecting. I guess it was just hard knowing that he was at school again and we only saw each other 2-3x / month. He also told his friend the reason he broke up with me because I was "crazy and jealous and insecure."

 

I found out a few days ago that it was worse than just making out. His best friend told my friend that he slept with that girl over 5 times when we were dating.

 

I can't even begin to explain the hurt and embarrassment I feel. I haven't talked to him via phone in 3 months but I found his number and text messaged him about this because I was so mad. I said, "wow, you were really busy. guess I need to get an std test." He replied, "I have no idea what you're talking about." 10 minutes later he said, "ok, well I have to go out hiking and I won't have my phone with me. Email me about this please." I continued to ignore him. 5 hours later, "I hope you're ok. I am back on my phone."

 

I am assuming the I hope you're ok is an admission of guilt. Just don't know. I never answered.

 

I AM SO MAD and SO HURT and I don't know if I should just let him have it or just ignore him and forget about it (very difficult). I mean he called me JEALOUS AND CRAZY AND INSECURE but it sounds to me like I was SMART because deep down I knew what was going on I guess? But I was friends with him for SO long and I really really really liked him and I just can't believe that this happened and that this was going on behind my back the entire time. I just feel like crap.

 

Sorry for the super long post. I'm just so lost.

[IMAbadman]

Is what he did PRIOR to you two dating that big of an issue for you? I understand he may have lied but I'm guessing probably to avoid hurting you. Also, how reliable is this "friend" with all the information?

 

Quite honestly if this bothers you this much you need to move on. Sounds like you'll have serious trust issues regardless of the outcome.

 

Good luck and wish you the best.

[brandnew1]

I think you've got the situation wrong here. It wasn't PRIOR to when we were dating like I had initially thought. It was DURING. THE ENTIRE TIME. When I initially thought it was prior, it didn't bother me as much. Of course, the lying bugged me but I let the act go. When I found out that I was blatantly being cheated on then I got upset.

 

Serious trust issues? I think anyone would if they have been cheated on by their only two boyfriends. No?

 

The friend is his best friend from school. I don't see why he would have any reason to lie.

[blueeyedme]

Ok, just so I understand. You dated this cheating scumbag until February, moved to a different city, and it's now July and your mad and hurt? Do you really want someone who treats you that way as a friend? It's time to move on and forget about this one. Learn from your mistakes and make better choices in the future. This guy was never your friend.

[IMAbadman]

I think you've got the situation wrong here. It wasn't PRIOR to when we were dating like I had initially thought. It was DURING. THE ENTIRE TIME. When I initially thought it was prior, it didn't bother me as much. Of course, the lying bugged me but I let the act go. When I found out that I was blatantly being cheated on then I got upset.

 

Serious trust issues? I think anyone would if they have been cheated on by their only two boyfriends. No?

 

The friend is his best friend from school. I don't see why he would have any reason to lie.

 

If he cheated on you... then kick his a$$ to the curb. Don't even waste your time with him. You want better and you deserve better. This guy is obviously not the one. I wouldn't even waste my time confronting him. A quick, "You're a cheating, lying dirtbag... now pi$$ off." should do nicely.