ENA'ers left by their significant others for another guy/girl

[alphabetsoup13]

How did you find out?

How long after the breakup did you find out?

How did you react?

How did they react?

Do they contact you anymore?

Do they want you in your life anymore?

 

Let's hear it!

[jjj87]

How did you find out?

How long after the breakup did you find out?

How did you react?

How did they react?

Do they contact you anymore?

Do they want you in your life anymore?

 

Let's hear it!

 

-I found out the day we broke up. I made her tell me, so at least she was honest.

-I got really hurt and mad.

-She just cried a lot and said how I deserve better...you know the line everyone says.

-Rarely.

-Says she wants to stay friends, but I believe that is just a bs excuse to keep me in her life.

 

All in all, if it wasn't for me having a summer class and a fall class with her, I would have nothing to do with her.

[Iwantittoend]

How did you find out?

 

Through myspace. *rolls eyes*

 

How did you react?

 

A little sad, but she treated me bad for so long that I finally realized I was better off without her.

 

How did they react?

 

Didn't seem to care.

 

Do they contact you anymore?

 

No.

 

Do they want you in your life anymore?

 

Probably not, considering we haven't spoken to each other for 5 months since the breakup happened.

[musicguy]

How did you find out?

How long after the breakup did you find out?

How did you react?

How did they react?

Do they contact you anymore?

Do they want you in your life anymore?

 

Let's hear it!

 

The next day

I was pissed

she didn't care

nope

nope, haven't heard from her in a year, I'm better off without her

[fatboyjuggalo]

How did you find out?

 

I came over one day about two weeks after we broke up and she kept her hood up and her hair around her neck. There was a hickey.

 

How did you react?

 

I cried and asked why.

 

How did they react?

 

She cried and apologized, told me she was sorry and slept with me that night.

 

Do they contact you anymore?

 

We've remained in contact.

 

Do they want you in their life anymore?

 

She says she does, but she keeps him near and keeps getting closer to him. I'm gonna bail very soon.

[alphabetsoup13]

I'm gonna bail very soon.

 

Don't wait, bail now!

[spion_kop]

How did you find out?

How long after the breakup did you find out?

How did you react?

How did they react?

Do they contact you anymore?

Do they want you in your life anymore?

 

Let's hear it!

 

- EDIT: I found 4 days later since i still had her fb password.

- i called her up and told her that she was a liar/coward and a scum, and that i'll see her at 5pm that day to finally cut all ties

- She was shaken up because she knew she had hurt me and did something wrong. She took a sick leave from work and she said she was in bed crying

- It's been about 3 months since the break, 2 months i went NC and she gives me the odd call/text/facebook. I havent answered any

- She wants me to be in her life even though she has a new bf. I dont want to be in her life. I can tell when i last saw her before starting NC that when i looked into her eyes, deep down she loves me but I'm not going to interfere in her new relationship nor wait around for her. Life is too short for that.

If she wants me she knows where i live cause phone call/texts dont mean a thing anymore. Plus, i dont want her back and she would have to change a lot for that to happen.

[alphabetsoup13]

How did you find out?

How long after the breakup did you find out?

How did you react?

How did they react?

Do they contact you anymore?

Do they want you in your life anymore?

 

Let's hear it!

 

as for myself

 

1) I had her facebook password

2) At first i was furious and blasted her with an email, then i apologized for signing into her facebook

3) She didn't really seem to care

4) Nope, she contacted me once forgiving me for signing into her facebook but that was it

5) Nope

[LW4E]

How did you find out?

 

Found out by snooping, she left me for someone nearly twice her age, she's never seen a pic of him, he lives on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, and he told her to break up with me. Oh, and I introduced the two of them last year...

 

How long after the breakup did you find out?

 

two... maybe three weeks.

 

How did you react?

 

I was more ticked at the fact that she disrespected the hell out of me by doing this, because she also slandered me non-stop to a bunch of other people I introduced her to.

 

How did they react?

 

She cried, and begged and pleaded with me not to tell her dad or go to the police (Because he tried to lure her out to England.) she pretty much showered me with "I love yous" but I didn't buy any of it.

 

Do they contact you anymore?

 

Non-stop

 

Do they want you in your life anymore?

 

I can't get rid of her.

[zzeitgeist]

How did you find out?

Through a friend

How long after the breakup did you find out?

As soon as she started seeing this guy I pretty much knew. Think it was 2 months after break up, though she slept with someone else about 1 month after break up.

 

How did you react?

I played it cool, though inside I was destroyed. I never let her see my pain, and lied to her I am seeing someone so I could walk away with my dignity.

How did they react?

Surprised, maybe even curious

 

Do they contact you anymore?

At least once a month

 

Do they want you in your life anymore?

Just this Friday she asked me to come hang out with her and her friends. I told her maybe if I am not to busy.

[fleck1234]

How did you find out?

How long after the breakup did you find out?

How did you react?

How did they react?

Do they contact you anymore?

Do they want you in your life anymore?

 

Let's hear it!

 

I found out from a friend

I was very upset and begged for her to stay with me and leave the new guy

She cried and said it was a mistake ( she kept sleeping with him though)

I have been in strict NC for a month, she has tried calling me twice.

She wants me to be her friend- not gonna happen

[Mustang]

How did you find out?

A month after breaking up with me, she went to stay with a "friend". She had broken up with me because I was making accusations about her and him. She denied everything then but it doesn't take a genius to work out why she went and stayed with him for three days, 400 miles away from home. There were photos of them holding hands together on Facebook before we split up. She denied anything was going on then and still denies it even to this day.

 

How long after the breakup did you find out?

About six weeks. But I could feel in my gut that something was going on at the time of our break up because she did just completely change on me. Her friend posted a message on her Facebook wall on her birthday shortly after new year saying "I hope the boyfriend spoils you rotten!".

 

How did you react?

I was angry. I was sad. I tried to be happy for her. I sent my ex a text saying that I knew (I saw the Facebook wall post from her friend). My ex text back but didn't mention her new guy. She just said "Hey! Thanks for the text! Thanks for the birthday card. It's in my room. Hope you're OK." This upset me even more.

 

How did they react?

Again, my ex hasn't ever admitted to anything. She hasn't had been able to tell me she's with him. Even now it's blatantly obvious. She can't just tell me "yes, I have a new boyfriend". It's almost as though she doesn't care. Whenever I bring it up, she points the finger at me and tells me why I was such a bad boyfriend.

 

Do they contact you anymore?

It's usually me to contact her but she does respond. Although I have no idea why. It's always a bit weird. She treats me like a stranger.

 

Do they want you in your life anymore?

Yes she does. Again, I have no idea why. She has a new boyfriend but she won't tell me. She knows I know but she can't bring herself to tell me. Whenever I've tried to pull away she's always said something to pull me back in. I said to her on Sunday: "Should I leave you to it? I don't want to get in the way!" and she replied "Don't worry, you're not getting in the way of anything."

 

I really don't get it. She has someone new and she seems to be very angry and bitter about our break up still. She knows I want her back. Why she doesn't just distance herself from me I don't know. I've given her the chance to tell me nicely that she'd rather us not speak anymore and she's always said no. Why the hell does she still want me in her life but only at arm's length?!

[WlknCntrdiction]

How did you find out?

 

From my friend, the one she's on the rebound with atm, he told me himself.

 

How long after the breakup did you find out?

 

A week after.

 

How did you react?

 

I expected it tbh, I knew they were friends but didn't think they would go out, I was a tad shocked but not blown away.

 

How did they react?

 

She began rubbing it in my face about how he's the bf I never was, which back then was somewhat true, but now things are completely different. I know I'm a far better bf than him.

 

Do they contact you anymore?

 

After she told me in no uncertain terms not to contact me anymore, no. I was my old needy self when she told me that.

 

Do they want you in your life anymore?

 

No, she doesn't want me in her life anymore but she still has me on MSN for some bizarre reason, we don't talk though. Even if she wanted me in her life I would still be doing NC because I don't want to be an emotional pillow on which she can lay all her problems on and then be physical with her "bf", don't need to be messed about like that.

 

The case with my ex is that I know she's on the rebound but right now it has no effect on me going out and enjoying myself and being a different person(in a good way), when(no if)she comes back the ball will be in my court, but I'm not waiting with my arms wide open for her. It's been a whole month now since we last spoke and I have no desire to speak to her, she told me to never contact her again so I'm not going to, she knows where I am when she needs to talk to me. I'm enjoying myself being single, going to start doing Parkour this week

[WlknCntrdiction]

I've just got to ask Mustang, why are you putting yourself through this crap?

Remove yourself, give her the gift of missing you, if you keep contacting her then she's only going to be with that guy even longer, you're helping them stay together, remove yourself from the situation NOW, she's not your problem anymore.

[ImThatGirl]

How did you find out? The other girl moved in a month later - then confirmed via her "slip up's" during conversation throughout the next few years. (pretty sure they weren't slip ups - she wanted to make it clear that she started dating him before I moved out.)

 

How long after the breakup did you find out? A month. When he called me to come get my daughter because she was crying mid of the night. His girlfriends purse was on the chair in the living room. She moved in shortly after.

 

How did you react? I didn't. What's the point?

 

How did they react? ....

 

Do they contact you anymore? My daughters Dad - we touch base regarding visits and sometimes have casual convo as well.

 

Do they want you in your life anymore? We are tied as far as co-parenting our daughter. But we have a very clear cut co-parenting status.

[pinkelephant]

How did you find out? through a year's worth of trying to figure things out.

 

How long after the breakup did you find out? i had a feeling, i confronted him. he kept on denying. she showed up at my school and i saw them together. he still insists that we broke up for other reasons. etc.

 

How did you react? I cried for months. I begged. God, it was so humiliating. If I ever get to that point again, I'd seriously consider putting myself in a mental hospital. My pride!!! for that scum!!!!

 

How did they react? Gave me absolute indifference. He enjoyed it - my pining for him. He'd give me bate then cut me down. Then he'd laugh with his girlfriend at me. I seriously don't know how you can do that to someone. She got hers after he started to cheat on her with me (tried! i wouldnt do that to someone else... even though she did deserve it)

 

Do they contact you anymore? Text, msn msg. Randomly. Once a week to try and get me to change my mind.

 

Do they want you in your life anymore? Yes. I keep him there to toy with. PAY BACK !

[rtoycrow]

How did you find out?

i was at her house and i saw her text " i need to tell you something in person" because i was laying beside her (we were broke up) and saw his text saying "i don't want to get shot down" so i kinda put two and two together

How long after the breakup did you find out?

about a month and a half

How did you react?

started asking a million questions

How did they react?

she told me she would never be able to date this guy because they were too much alike with their moodiness and they were only friends

Do they contact you anymore?

Yes. about twice a week at least

Do they want you in your life anymore?

Yes. she still says she feels like we will get married one day but she is young and wants to make sure that is what she wants and wants to experience the "college" life

[Mustang]

I've just got to ask Mustang, why are you putting yourself through this crap?

Remove yourself, give her the gift of missing you, if you keep contacting her then she's only going to be with that guy even longer, you're helping them stay together, remove yourself from the situation NOW, she's not your problem anymore.

 

I know. You're right. I know that I'm making things easier for her. She's always had me around apart from 4/5 weeks of NC where I told her I had to take a bit of time away because I still wanted her back. Not long enough.

 

I know that she won't see him as often as she used to because she works full time back at home now and he lives 400 miles away. They won't see each other every day as they have been at uni. This will probably make the stronger because they will miss each other. Me not talking to her will have no impact whatsoever in that sense. I know it doesn't matter and I shouldn't be thinking of things like that but it's hard not to right now. Hopefully it'll pass in time.

 

It is just so hard to let go because I still want to be with her and I suppose I feel by walking away, I'm essentially giving up and I have the same fear that anybody else has - I'll be forgotten and they'll become closer.

[WlknCntrdiction]

Trust me I get that feeling everyday with my ex and it's been over a month but I choose not to do anything about it because I shouldn't. I'm moving on for me and no one else, I'm improving myself(both mentally and physically)so I can be a better person, I already am a better person than I was before but I know I still have some way to go. I do hope she sees how I've changed and comes back but I'm not holding my breath, and even if she doesn't come back I've learnt enough about myself and this situation with my ex to not make the same mistakes again with future relationships.

[Mustang]

Trust me I get that feeling everyday with my ex and it's been over a month but I choose not to do anything about it because I shouldn't. I'm moving on for me and no one else, I'm improving myself(both mentally and physically)so I can be a better person, I already am a better person than I was before but I know I still have some way to go. I do hope she sees how I've changed and comes back but I'm not holding my breath, and even if she doesn't come back I've learnt enough about myself and this situation with my ex to not make the same mistakes again with future relationships.

 

I get moments where I think like that but then I get moments where I miss my ex and want her back. I'm glad you're in the position you're in. I have learnt a lot of lessons too. That's part of where my frustration comes from. I can see how things can be different with my ex and I just wish I had a chance to show her.

 

I really do want to move on and be happy but at the same time I really do want her back. I feel like my arms are being pulled in different directions at times!

[redtan]

How did you find out?

 

Asked if I was seeing someone, I said no. Asked her the same thing and she said she's been hooking up with someone else.

 

How long after the breakup did you find out?

 

3 weeks

 

How did you react?

 

Drove really fast for a while (we were driving together) and then got sorta sad and quiet.

 

How did they react?

 

Apologizing...for what I dunno.

 

Do they contact you anymore?

 

Yes, she IM's me every 2 weeks or so

 

Do they want you in your life anymore?

 

Yes, she really wants to be friends and tells me to "stay in touch", and when I don't or say that I don't wanna be friends, she gets in touch with me every couple weeks.

[WlknCntrdiction]

I get moments where I think like that but then I get moments where I miss my ex and want her back. I'm glad you're in the position you're in. I have learnt a lot of lessons too. That's part of where my frustration comes from. I can see how things can be different with my ex and I just wish I had a chance to show her.

 

I really do want to move on and be happy but at the same time I really do want her back. I feel like my arms are being pulled in different directions at times!

 

Strangely enough I don't feel THAT way. I feel it's her loss really. If she should happen to come back into my life then so be it, I'm not going to be rude and tell her to get lost but I'll make her damn sure aware that I'm no longer a push over and she won't be getting her way with me again, not in a dominating/abusive way though.

 

There are plenty of girls out there that I can use my "experience" on, the things that are different about me my ex may not get to see and that's her loss, whoever "has" me next is going to be one lucky girl, whether that be my ex or someone new.

[Mustang]

Strangely enough I don't feel THAT way. I feel it's her loss really. If she should happen to come back into my life then so be it, I'm not going to be rude and tell her to get lost but I'll make her damn sure aware that I'm no longer a push over and she won't be getting her way with me again, not in a dominating/abusive way though.

 

There are plenty of girls out there that I can use my "experience" on, the things that are different about me my ex may not get to see and that's her loss, whoever "has" me next is going to be one lucky girl, whether that be my ex or someone new.

 

I would feel like you if I was totally innocent and didn't contribute to the break up in anyway. But I hurt my ex and I know that my ex still has a lot of anger and bitterness about everything. The new guy's obviously not got that history with her and he is going to be more appealing.

 

That's why I've had such a hard time with things I think. I made a lot of mistakes. I'm finding it so hard to walk away and say "her loss" like some people can because I know I hurt my ex and I really hope I get the chance to earn her trust again one day.

[WlknCntrdiction]

I would feel like you if I was totally innocent and didn't contribute to the break up in anyway. But I hurt my ex and I know that my ex still has a lot of anger and bitterness about everything. The new guy's obviously not got that history with her and he is going to be more appealing.

 

That's why I've had such a hard time with things I think. I made a lot of mistakes. I'm finding it so hard to walk away and say "her loss" like some people can because I know I hurt my ex and I really hope I get the chance to earn her trust again one day.

 

Mate, I'm not "innocent", trust me, I hurt my ex too, I thought alot of bad things baout her that had alot to do with my insecurities about her, the relationship and just the fact that I didn't think she loved me as much as she said.

 

I hurt her and I felt bad about it but sometimes you have to forgive yourself and your ex for dumping you in order to move on. I've accepted what I did, I've forgiven myself for hurting her, I know I won't make those mistakes a second time, I've forgiven my friend for going out with my ex straight after us breaking up, I doubt I can be his friend again(because he's an * * * * * * * )but I've forgiven him for not being a "true" friend, a true friend would not have run off with your ex on the same week you two broke up.

 

The way I see it you can either stand around and feel sorry for yourself or you can better yourself, both for yourself and for any prospective girlfriends you may have, but most importantly for yourself, I know it may sound self centred but you come first in all of this. People change, times change, feelings and emotions change and sometimes it just takes a person to see a change in someone they said "could never change"(my ex said that to me)for them to eat their words and give that person the benefit of the doubt.

 

"Give me the strength to change the things I can, and the serenity to accept the things I can't". I practically, ate, slept and breathed that saying for the past month, it's what keeps me getting up at 8 in the morning for a morning jog and workout. I'm the only person who can change me, no one else can.

 

P.S. If you've changed and moved on and your ex is still moping over you having hurt her then what does that say about her? Not about you. I'm in no way saying you(or myself for that matter)were right to hurt our exes but if we've forgiven ourselves for our mistakes and changed for the better and the ex refuses to see that change even when you show them then that says alot more about them than it does you.

[Mustang]

You've just answered what I posted a new thread about!

 

I think NC will help me get over all the regrets I have. I guess I can only show my ex in time that I'm sorry and maybe in time she'll be able to forgive me.

 

Deep down she knows I'm not a bad guy I'm sure. She loved me more than you could imagine and I think she's very upset and angry about having to break up with me - but she knows it's the right decision because since we've split I've been a nutcase. If she didn't care about me then she wouldn't still speak to me and/or be angry whenever I bring up how much she hurt me. I guess time will be the best thing to ease the bad memories.