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so, i'm gay, and sort-of out (to all good friends, several acquaintances, my immediate family, and I try to allow the list of those who know to grow whenever necessary w/o being annoying about it).

 

ANYWAY. i have this issue where I feel VERY strongly romantically for certain friends of mine. i hold the belief that a friendship is more important than a sexual hookup, so how do i reconcile feeling very sexually toward a couple of my good female friends?

 

and recently, i've been "seeing" one of my sister's good friends, and when i say seeing i literally mean going for coffee together, or wandering around for hours. as much as i enjoy her company, i'm also soooo attracted to her, but i feel soo wrong about it because she trusts me, she's straight AND younger than me (17, 21). so even tho she "loves me" this is probably wrong.

 

i don't know if all this is just because I haven't had a good hookup in a WHILE. any advice??

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I dont believe sex ruins friendships, I do think it is often used as an excuse, a nice way of saying: "I'm not interested in you in that way" Dishonesty, miscommunications, betrayals of trust etc. those are the things that ruin friendships. Having romantic feelings forwards a friend does put the friendship on an unequal footing. What happens is that you're more willing to do things for that person because of that. To the other person you're just a friend, and usually only interested in having a good time, but not really willing to go out of one's way that much. Things get complicated if that other person actually does fall in love with someone else, and treats that person the way you would want them treat you. Jealousy issues are common, while if you were truly a friend you ought to be happy for that person. These are the things to look out for.

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It is a commonly held view that sex ruins friendships but personally I dont believe it to be true. What is fairly common when sex enters a friendship, romantic feelings buried may surface more for one person. Actually acting upon those romantic feelings, what happens when those feelings are not reciprocated? You get hurt. For the other person it may just simply have been a fun thing to try. In many gay friendships, sex was the start, a one night stand, it was fun, a common experience and they've been able to build a friendship on it.

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