Catch 22

[JoJo90814]

I need some outside perspective because I am driving myself nuts!

 

Basically: I am a 27 y/o female who lives with my mom in a smallish town that is popular for wealthy retiree's, drug addicts/sober people, high school drop outs and families. I have one year left to finish my bachelors (have been here 1 1/2 years) and go to an extension college campus that is out here. My school consists of mainly married young women, older women and a couple of men (im a psych major).

 

I am single and have been since I have lived out here. There is basically not many quality men to date or single young women to hang out with. I feel like im getting older and I am extremely ansy. I also feel really lonely and that my life is passing me by living out here.

 

I want to move to a more hip young area that is a couple of hours away. The problem I have with that is I will have to commute about an hour to school (sometimes in traffic), find a new part time job that will pay me enough and a place to live. Will I even have time or energy to have the social/dating life I want? Will I have any money to do anything? I think I will but I know it will be hard.

 

Is it worth it to move and make it harder on myself or should I just be miserable and stick it out another year(makes me cringe)?

[poloplayer]

I would not focus on a relationship at this point. I would do my best to finish up school and secure work. Try to look at it as a countdown until you graduate instead of a looooooong, dreadful year. Looking forward to graduation and moving on to your next chapter in life should help keep you motivated.

 

I would definitely keep my eyes open along the way if you happen to meet a decent guy, but I would not focus on that.

 

I would not move. Moving seems like it's going to add a few burdens to your daily life, and there is no guarentee that your life will be better or that you will meet a good man once you move. It's a tough situation to be in, and sometimes people do move to start fresh, but I would try to knock out this last year and then start fresh - move, get that job you want, and focus on dating.

[Vonnegut42]

Hey JoJo,

 

Here's the thing - another year isn't so bad. It would go by pretty quickly and then you could get out without worry. That being said though, I understand where you're coming from, at least in relation to the not liking where you're living bit. I was in a place for a few years, and for one reason or another, it became an unbearable place to be. I didn't really know what to do, except I knew that I just couldn't take more years of living there. It took me a really long time to make a decision - an extra semester over when I should have packed up - but I made the choice to get out and I've never looked back on it. I got into a new school (even though I added an extra year to my course work with a transfer), I found a new job, and I've been working on starting a new life.

 

It's really all a matter of how badly your state of mind, in not liking the situation that you are in, is going to affect you. Forgetting about romantic relationships for now, is continuing living where you are going to make life unbearable? If you do move, you have to be committed to making it work - you can't just expect new opportunities to fall into your lap - or you'll end up back in the same situation. You only have this one life to live - you should never force yourself to spend it in misery. If you really feel that something is wrong, you should do everything in your power to change it.

 

Hope some of that helps.

 

Peace.

[JoJo90814]

I guess im just worried about being single and getting older. Hmm is that a completely different post?

[Vonnegut42]

No, I probably just missed the entire point of your post .... so I feel kind of dumb now! Sorry about that.

 

As for your actual problem: a 21 year old guy may not be the best response you'll get for this *gasp* but there really isn't anything you need to worry about - 27 isn't old!! Don't let your life be defined by a relationship and the standards that society seems to set. Just live your life and do what makes you happy. If that happens to be getting one of those said relationships ... disregard the "life-defining" bit.

 

How was that for generic ... sorry. 27 really isn't old, and a relationship should be fun, not something you have to do. So don't force yourself into problems whichever way you choose to go. Good luck!