Being too available when you REALLY like someone.

[jen83]

So I am smitten with this guy. I know for a fact that he really likes me too. This much is out in the open. The problem is, I think I'm probably acting too available. I like him, so I *want* to talk to him whenever possible. I look forward too it. We talk a lot online and because of this, I've taken up this habit of checking my laptop for messages every 15 minutes while I'm home. I know, it sounds really lame. It is. I live by myself, I don't often see or hang out with friends during the week, so I spend a good portion of my time alone. Because of this, talking to this guy I like so much is really a highlight of my day.

 

I can absolutely NEVER end the conversation first either. He always ends the conversations("I have to run." "I have go to see my friend." "I have to go play GTA."). I know he really likes me, but he obviously has WAY better self-control than me. The few times I've tried to end our conversations, he actually acted almost offended. Like an exasperated "why????" and he'll start questioning in detail why I'm leaving or he'll find a way to keep me talking after I've said I need to go until he's ready to log off. Or he'll automatically assume that if I'm logging off early, it must be because I'm mad at him. Being unavailable, the few times I've done so, seemed to work out quite favorably for me. He notices and goes to great lengths to "secure my interest" again, but I just miss talking to him. Like when I'm alone on my lunch break, I want to talk to him. Or when I'm home late at night by myself, I look forward to speaking to him and these are the times we usually talk so it's very hard to just ignore him or not respond. I just feel like he knows he has me exactly where he wants me. That I am completely available and waiting for him 24 hours a day, whenever he wants to talk. Advice?

[Cognitive_Canine]

you should ask him out. In person.

[joesonlineaucs]

Think of it like this, I'm in the SAME situation as you and i'm the guy. I'm smitten lol. I just try to keep myself occupied, but I'm the same way I work so on my lunch break i wanna talk to her and I can't because she always seems busy... I feel like SHE has me in the right place she wants, almost where I rely on her, but not exactly....

[shellbell225]

You cannot be so easily affected by his reaction when you try to get off the phone first. Trust me.

 

It has been my experience if, as a female, we don't EVER get off the phone first, make ourselves less available, etc., then the men will lose interest and take us for granted. Just ignore his silly reaction, be polite and hang up.

 

I do not advocate playing games but I do think you need to at least APPEAR to have other things to do (even if you don't) because you do not want him to end up thinking you are too available and not worth chasing (at least a little in the beginning)

[Pegasus]

Have you ever met that person in real life (not online)?

[ATLstudent]

i agree, i hate games, i wish the world was all about saying what you truly feel about someone when you feel it, but its not, which is why there is so much unhappiness and dysfuction. BUt i can relate i was in the same boat with someone about a month ago, i blew though because i was too available too clingy too fast, i was calling her the mourning after, she had no interest. Just be patient, i hate the idea of not expresses the way you feel though, i feel like im gonna blow off someone really good one day because i was trying to play games, when they were much more mature than that,

[Massari]

So did you guys go out on a date yet? if so, the you wanting to see him more is normal and you should set a date to see if he feels the same.

[jen83]

Oh yeah, I've known the guy for years. We were work friends. But nothing ever happened while we worked together. It was after we both quit and fell back into contact online. It's progressed steadily over 7 months from friends catching up to a big huge thing. We've recently started going on dates(2 in the past week).

[Batya33]

It's your responsibility - to yourself and to whoever you get romantically involved with - to get a life whether that means friends, activities, both, etc. I live alone too - always have for the last 14 years but I have an active fulfilling life, still look forward to talking to my bf every day (and we do) - he has an active fulfilling life too - and I know one of the reasons we do well together is because as a general rule neither of us is clingy - we are reasonably secure, we have other friends and interests, and that keeps the spark alive.

[AngryHeart]

I'm in the EXACT same situation, pretty much! So, not the best to give advice. I wish you the best of luck, hun. It's not easy, I know! I have terrible self control wiht a lot of things!

[Massari]

The thing that i find it interesting here is that we can see both sides men and women can seem needy and clingy here. But how is it that in a relationship or in a dating situation it is only one of the sides that is clingy one. if they both are it would be better and easier. So I am thinking maybe we are dating with someone who is not our type???? hope i make sense here.

[Yates33]

The thing that i find it interesting here is that we can see both sides men and women can seem needy and clingy here. But how is it that in a relationship or in a dating situation it is only one of the sides that is clingy one. if they both are it would be better and easier. So I am thinking maybe we are dating with someone who is not our type???? hope i make sense here.

 

I think, usually, when two people are first getting to know one another they are both what I'd like to call, "internally clingy". What I mean is that you don't have to appear clingy to be clingy. You can want to talk to someone 24/7 but control yourself. The person who cannot control themselves will be obvious about it and will be labeled the real "clingy" one. Hope that makes sense.

[Massari]

I think, usually, when two people are first getting to know one another they are both what I'd like to call, "internally clingy". What I mean is that you don't have to appear clingy to be clingy. You can want to talk to someone 24/7 but control yourself. The person who cannot control themselves will be obvious about it and will be labeled the real "clingy" one. Hope that makes sense.

 

Oh yeah it totally make sense. Basically what you are saying is that every one is "internally clingy", some can control it and some cannot. It makes perfect sense. And I know a way to control is to make yourself busy.