if you can't say it at christmas, when can you?

[hairybda]

Hi Fellow e-not-aloners;

 

Interesting situation I have got myself into.

 

Got a roommate a couple of months ago; who is the most easy going, most fun, most attractiive girl I have ever met.

 

Over the past 3 weeks or so, with holdays, bailys, christmas tree decorating etc, I have had thoughts of her and I in a relationship together.

 

At times, I feel bad about having these thoughts; and I in the mean time have managed to become friends again with the X-girlfriend.

 

I came home for christmas, and the day before I left I left the roommate a nice christmas card saying basically she is a lovely girl who radiates love and will find it shortly.

 

Her history: She moved out from her boyfriend of 3 years about 3 months ago.

 

How do I know whether she likes me and whether I should think of her as a relationship "potential? Friends of mine know her, and tell me her and I look great and would be a beutifull couple?

 

The day I left. I gave her a hug, and it felt soooo good to hug her... yesterday she wrote me a IM saying she is thinking of me.

 

I could really feel the card touched her... she was thinking for a longtime she wasn't attractive and that nobody liked her.

 

I dunno... I can sit tight but at the same time I don't want her to think I am not interesested?

 

 

Sean

[confusedlady]

you should be really careful seeing that she is ur roommate u dont want to end up makin her feel uncomfortable jus take it a day a time give subtle hints nothin too out there jus little hints

[kdreger]

I agree.

 

It's all right to tell her she's attractive and be a support base but you're walking a fine line. If anything ever happens, make sure she's the one who instigates it. Anything else and she'll feel uncomfortable and it will go down hill very quickly.

[DiglyD]

The roommate of yours just ended a 3 year relationship. No matter how she is on the outside, what she projects, and no matter whether she ended it or her partner did, she is hurting on the inside. Hurting bad.

 

She is in no condition to jump into another relationship.

 

It is very selfish of you to just think of yourself and a relationship with her. If you 2 were to jump into a relationship you would be using her in her moment of vulnerability becasue she is desperate to have that empty hole filled inside her no matter how much she might hate her ex. There is a void that needs healing, this is why even a sweet card from you seems so important. On the other hand if you were to have a relationship with his girl, she would be using you as a rebound to get over her ex.

 

if you are with someone for 3 years you do not forget about them overnight. If you were to jump into a relationship with her she would put you under a microscope and every thing you did would be checked against the ex boyfriend who might have done things better. You would essentially have to live up to that image in her head of what a man is or isn't based on the last 3 years of her life. Every time you screwed anything up it would count against you. Basically its more difficult to have a relationship with someone who just ended a long term gig.

 

Its however easier if you just want sex. She is vulnerable and can be easily seduced. However I do not advocate this becasue if you make a mistake it will lead to bad things.

 

For the most part this would be a rebound relationship for her. You would be the thing that would help heal her. However you have to be honest with yourself and understand that she will leave you, once she heals, and expect it. If you just want sex and a casual thing go for it. But if you are seriously thinking about long term you will burn hard, and you will get hurt once she heals herself. If you do not want to see the love of your life leave, then forget this girl and move on. Either that or have sex with her and no matter what she says do not get into a relationship with her.

 

On another note, why are you thinking of relationship already? Slow down. Way down. Get to know her first. HAVE FUN. Remember she just got out of a RELATIONSHIP..take it easy, you are coming of way to strong. It scares people away, or in this case it might draw her into something for the wrong reasons. You will think its love, and she will see it as a shoulder to cry on and heal, a stepping stone to the next bigger better deal.

 

Just forget her dude. Its better int he long run unless you jsut want ot have fun. If you want a relationhsip look for a girl who is emotionally stable.