please help me. i was dumped and im in dispare!

[greenfairry]

I have just recently broken up with my boyfriend josh. We have had a very emotional and stressful relatuionship. Last october, i had sex for the first and second time with someone, and it wasnt josh. The first night he knew about it and he didnt learn about the 2nd night until later on. i didnt know what i was doing. i did later on have sex with josh though. This just made things 10 times more complicated. We were both on emotional rollercoasters. He felt horriable because of the jealousy and hatred and i feel horriable because of what i did to him. I even before hand promised myself i would never hurt him, and somehow i did. Months passed by and not much seemed wrong. he acted like it was all ok even tho inside he really wasnt. now he finally said it and the past weekend was the worst 3 nights of my life. i didnt sleep, eat or stop thinking about him. dispite what i did i still love him with all my heart. i know know why i hurt him. he was the first person to love me the way he did and i dont feel like i'll ever be loved like that again. i dont get asked out much and i have a very hard time with being alone. i havent been alone for 10 months. I was going out with josh for 7 months. I toss and turn when i sleep, i cant funtion without him. The sunday our break up was final, he lied so i wouldnt come to his haunkkah party and said i couldnt go because it wasnt at his house so he made out w/ another girl at the party. im so hurt but i feel i deserve it. do i? he claims he broke up with my becuase our relationship was too stressful for him, that he doesnt hate me or the other guy(who hes still friends with) and just wants to stay out of relationships for a while. does anyone think there is anyway i can get back together with him? We are still really good friends, and we've decided to be friends with benifits. is that a good idea? will anyone talk to me about it? everything seems to remind me of him. I miss everything about him. I often think about susicide and cutting, more so than usual. I told him this and he doesnt want to be the reason i die. I hate myself for putting him in all his pain. I dont know what to do with myself. Please i need advice. ive never been so miserable in my life.

[avman]

Hello greenfairy and welcome to eNotalone,

 

Well it sounds like you have been through a lot recently. I am sorry to hear that you have broken up with your boyfriend. It sounds like you realize that the fact that you cheated on him hurt him deeply. Some relationships can recover from that kind of hurt, but many cannot. You sound pretty young so treat this as a lesson learned for your next relationship.

 

I don't know that friends with benefits is going to work well for you two. That arrangement is fine if both people are realistic about the expectations. But you sound as if you are 'settling' for that because in reality you want him back. That isn't likely to happen with that type of relationship, and it will prevent you from moving on in your own life. And as you've seen - when he moves on to other relationships it will hurt you very much.

 

I am sorry to hear that you have thought about suicide and cutting. But you should know that it does cross many people's minds when they are really, really down. There is a difference between just thinking about it, and actually planning it though. Please keep us up to date on your thoughts about that. If it gets serious I would like to talk to you about things and try to get your some help.

 

I will tell you though that trying to convince your ex to come back by threatening suicide or cutting is really not a good idea. It might work, but only because they are doing it out of pity and not true committment to the relationship. You ex isn't going to be able to help you with these types of feelings. So you should turn to friends, a counselor, your parents, or somebody else you are close to to work these feelings out.

 

Forgive yourself for what happened. You can't undo the past. All you can to is learn from it and make sure you don't repeat the same mistakes. So you need to realize that you are still a good person. And you'll do much, much better in your next relationship because you figured out what can go wrong. We've all messed up relationships in our lives. Its no fun, but you are not alone. Ok?

 

avman

[summerdreams]

listen, i'm sorry to tell you this...but you're being really selfish. First of all, you cheated on him so deal with it! Ok, you messed up...it doesn't make you a bad person but you just need to clean up your act. He's not worth commiting suicide over either, and the fact that you say you told him you'd do this leads me to believe you are weak and desperate. Please show him and YOURSELF that you are strong and that although you've made mistakes you can move on with your life. That is the only way you might get him back, or at least remain friends with him. Because for now, i think he's only being your good friend because he's afraid of you hurting yourself. So put yourself together!!! Good luck

[kuhl282000]

Hello Summerdreams

 

I read your post and I'm sorry you are having to deal with these painful feelings during the holiday season. If it helps I just went through a horrible break up with the what I thought was the love of my life and soulmate. Needless to say ,their was cheating and lying and the whole thing that was going so very well. Turned south in a really big hurry. So I know the pain you are going through. And I wish I could just send you a pilll to make it all just disappear. Heartbreak takes time to heal, and for some longer than others. I have been broken up for about a month now. And I can honestly say not a day has passed that I have not at least once during the day had thoughts of her. She got back with her old boyfriend of some 10 years. So like you I could say I was dumped also. Did it hurt, it tore my heart in little pieces. But I knew I had to get back up and get back in the game. All the stuff Avman told you is very very true. And I suggest you read his post several times. Things that have helped me that may help you, right now take care of you. Get some rest, the sleepless nights catch up to you. And do not even consider taking your own life. And if those thoughts continue. Contact Avman and he can get you some help. You can always PM any of us, if you want to chat in private. We are here for you. This site has helped me trying to get over my break up. I'm not preaching, and I don't go to church. But I have found that praying seems to help, I can't figure it out but it helps. By telling your ex you are going to commit sucide, I read somewhere that is a form of manipulation in the most desperate of ways. So forget that idea altogether. I think the hardest thing for me in my break-up was just accepting the fact that it was really really over. All the time we spent together was now a big void. And I have to find ways to fill those voids now. She is not around anymore. Last night before I went to bed, I got on my hands and knees and for the first time I cried. And I prayed for her, and all of my regrets. The things I said or did not say. But I knew that today on Christhmas Day, she would not be here, and would be with someone else. But I have to let go and heal, and I have to forgive her and myself. That allows us to move on. Your feeling will be many for awhile mostly confused and sadness, and they will come and go in no certain order. But you will grow strong again and it may take awhile, and you will learn from this. So forgive yourself most of all. And stay in touch. And Rest !!!!!! It sounds like it is really over, please try and accept that. No one has a crystal ball for the future. And you are still young and have a wonderful future again. And you will love again.

 

Peace and God Bless

Kuhl

[Pandora]

Hey, I know you are feeling really miserable right now and thinks that life is not worth living and all but you have to stop all these dangerous thoughts. Heartache is a terrible feeling but you will get over it in time to come although it doesn't look that way now. You'll have to try to let go and let yourself heal. Clingying on to the relationship will only make it worst. What you can do is to talk to your family and friends let your feelings out, cry all you want because doing that will make you feel better.

 

It would take a lot of work if you want to set this relationship back on track as you have cheated on him. There is the trust issue that you will have to face. Would he still trust you? And besides you hurt him as much when you cheated on him. There is a very slim chance ( l'm sorry ) that you guys will get back together. The best thing you can do is to not hope for it to happen. Try to let go and let yourself heal. I'm still recovering from my own breakup and its been almost 3 weeeks. It is hard the first week or so but trust me it will get better. Listening to music had helped me a lot. I hope that my two cents worth is of help to you. All the best...