I already posted about this before. But i really need more advice. Well i'll tell the story again...I just broke up with my boyfriend, josh, of 7 months last weekend and im having a really hard time with all of this. lemme explain our relationship.
last october, i cheated on him by having sex twice with someone else. it was my first and 2nd time and i was caught in the moment. i regret every moment of it. Later on, i had sex with josh. He was the one to bring it up. Before all this happened, i could tell how much josh really loved me. i never knew anyone could care for me so much. but he did and i was a little scared so i didnt accept it at first. after i had sex, i realized how much i really loved him but now he was hurt andin so much pain. it almost ended then but he said he could move past this so we stayed together
things have been almost perfectly fine since we got past that. he forgave me but neither of us forgot. I loved him so much and he still acted like he loved me to. i trusted him with the world and if he ever did cheat(which he never did) i wouldnt b mad at him. but he told me he would never cheat because he loved me so much. We dont go to the same school, but we will next year, but we still saw eachother atleast once or twice a week. Even though everything seemed fine on the outside, i hated myself for hurting him and i hated myself for all the stupid things i did.
then, last weekend, i invited him to see a movie with me and we exchanged gifts. Along with my present, he gave me a card and told me not to open it until i got home. the movie went great and when i got home i read the card and cried my eyes out. he wanted to break up. everything seemed to be going fine. he called me and he was crying too and told me he still loved me and wanted to make it work
the next day we talked and he said he wasnt sure if he could continue this relationship anymore because it was too stressful and complicated for him. he couldnt handle the emotions. he said we were too young for these emotions that were were having
sunday, he said it was over. i said everything possiable to see if it could still work between us. i told him we would take it slow, i'd do anything to stay with him but it was over. He says he still loves me but he needs a break from all the emotional attactment of relationships. We are still really friends...friends with benifits, we promised eachother we would be after we broke up, but im still miserable without him. I want to hold him, tell him i love him, i cant survive without him. Hes all i think about. i cant eat, sleep, function, i cant b happy for more than a few hours.
i dont know what to do. i need him so much. hes already gone and made out with a girl twice and done pot for the first few times. his friends tell him i made him into a pothead because of all the pain he was in. he also lied to me and told me i couldnt go to his haunkkah party and then invited the other girl so he could hook up with her. I never kept anything from his or lied. When i did something bad, i told him. HE thought it was best i didnt go to his party tho. He says he wouldnt go out with the girl tho, its just a hook up and he likes it because theres no emotional attactment. I want the emotional attactment. I need him. this is hard to explain so i hope the people who are reading this sorta understand me. i need him back. I have a very hard time being alone. i have been alone in 10 months. i was with someone else for 3 months before josh. infact the way me and josh got together was me hooking up with josh and cheating on my other boyfriend. i know i know im stupid.
please any advice you have, please give it. thank you to everyone who took the time to read this too. I just dont know where else to turn. Ive convinced everyone im ok but im really not. I dont want sympathy from my friends because they cant change anything and most cant talk about it because they dont know what to say. i love josh more than anything. i would even wait a few months until he was ready for relationships again. I'd do anything for him. Tell me what you think about all of this. I would really apperatie it SO much. im probally forgetting to say something, but i guess ill just add it l8er if i did. thank all of you so much for responding! I just dont know what else to do with myself...i cant let go and just forget. i...i just want his love. hes so special to me...
