why I so stupid???

[ustupidgirl]

I did a horroble thing to my best friend. I went off on her for saying she didn't think my boyfriend was all that good looking. I kind of went through the same thing with her with my ex-husband. It wasn't even the same day. Just one night I started thinking about it all and called here and went off. I know she did not mean to hurt me or anything. She is going through a divorce right now and is having a hard time. Husband was real bad to her. And, I let her know it. In other words, I was trying to say she had no damn right to talk about anything my boyfriends did after she stayed with her stupid husband. I said some ugly things. I felt.. I don't even know. I was mad. Now she won't speak to me. We have been friends for 16 years and never once argued. I feel like such an ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said the wrong things. I wish , I wish I could take them back.

 

 

[avman]

Welcome to eNotalone,

 

Unfortunately you can't take the words back. But you can certainly ask your friend for forgiveness. 16 years is a long time for a friendship and I would doubt it would end over single argument.

 

If she won't speak to you, how about sending over something to her house with a card saying "please forgive me"? Send some yellow roses for friendship. Or send her a singing telegram about how stupid you were and that you miss her and want to be friends again. Laughter will help break the ice and the telegram company will work with you to come up with something appropriate. Or send a card asking for forgiveness.

 

I hope these ideas help you and that you and your friend reconcile.

 

avman

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

Yes !!!!! At times we have all said and done some stupid things in our lives. Once the words are spoken they are hard to take back. Words cut through the heart like a knife, and can really do some damage. Maybe because you have such a long standing friendship, your friend may be willing to forgive you. I agree with Avman, send a singing telegram and ask for forgiviness. I think you are a very big person for attempting to do this. It takes courage to admit when you are wrong. I think you have a real shot at getting your friendship back. Do it now, and don't wait !

 

Good Luck

 

Kuhl

[Ash]

Strong relationships can survive strife, regardless of the amount of emotional involvement. I hope you and your friend come to terms and move on to year 17 of your friendship.

 

It sounds like the trigger was her saying something you saw as negative about your boyfriend. Of course, you think he's the greatest guy in the world, and she stepped on a basic human emotion of yours when she did that. Perhaps she didn't realize, but I would have to say she shouldn't have done that. That part is understandable. If somebody dared put down the lady I love, they'd likely end up with a mouthful (if I knew them) and the cold shoulder and a quick snip (if I didn't).

 

Other than that, it sounds like you let you emotions run a little unchecked. Normally, I'd say that too was okay. There's generally something bothering us when we say things like that, and certainly laying it out on a good friend is something that happens from time to time.

 

Maybe you can't quite take the words back. But you can let her know that the emotions you were feeling at the time are not normal for you, and that you hadn't meant to hurt her, you were venting and got the negativity directed at her when it shouldn't have been.

 

Give her a cooling off period, and be aware that she may want you to make some kind of grand gesture to make her feel important and wanted in your life. Friendships for the length of time you've had this one generally don't die suddenly due to a single incident.

 

It's easy for us humans to get along with everything is bright, happy and rosy. It's when things go wrong, and we have to react and find understanding and compassion, that defines who we are. Being concerned is good in this case. But try to focus on how she feels about it. Put yourself in her shoes and think how you'd want somebody to react who'd done that to you. Set you thinking to apologize and work on being a friend for HER sake, rather than yours. It will come accross as being a lot more heart felt. For example, when you say you're sorry (in whatever way you decide to do that) let her know that you don't want her to be upset because she doesn't need to deal with that and has a lot of other things going on in her life, rather than putting the focus on you feeling bad about it. It's just a different viewpoint maybe, I'm not sure if I'm making myself clear.

 

Good luck.

[The Morrigan]

I agree - be honest with her - send her something like flowers (hey, all of us like them from a guy or not) and tell her you were upset and hurt, but that taking it out on her instead of telling her you were hurt was wrong, and you're sorry you reacted that way. Pride isn't worth throwing friendship away for in the long run - we're ALL going to do things from time to time we regret, acting or speaking hastily or out of turn - but even when there's two wrongs, I've found it's well worth swallowing the pride and making the first gesture to retain the friendship. Many times you'll find after you've made a gesture, it'll be reciprocated, sometimes rather shamefacedly - most people have a hard time backing down from a position at times, even when it's not in their best interest, and are only TOO happy to find the friendship is important to the other party as well.

 

It sounds like you guys could use each other's support now instead of being at odds - you'll feel MUCH better after taking the step to resolve your end, so go for it. It's the holiday season - see if you can reconcile with her and not have this as a cloud over you!

[ustupidgirl]

Thank u so much for the words. I don't even know if I feel I really deserve them. Most of my life I have felt like a nothing. She really is the only good and true person I have called friend. I could not wait to come home tonight to see if anyone responded to note. I felt better and then worse. I am not sure what my problem is. But, I would pay for my mistakes with my life. And even still, I don't know if my life would be enough. I feel horrible. Just horrible. I hate myself.

[avman]

Well don't beat yourself up too bad over this. There are times in all of our lives where we wish we could undo something stupid that we said or did. Its just a part of being human and imperfect.

 

Forgive yourself for this as well as asking your friend to forgive you. You're just a person like the rest of us doing the best they can.

 

avman