Am I wasting my time waiting around for her?

[mickmorley]

It has been a while since I have writting in here. But I just need some advice, advice on where I stand with my (now ex) Girlfriend.

I have written in here before about her, we have had a bit of trouble lately, anyhow, my gf of 3 years, we broke up almost a month ago now, and anyway, I want her back, I miss her so much. We broke up because she said she was unhappy with how things had gone, we started fighting heaps, when we first broke up, it was going to be a definant thing, however about 2 weeks ago, I sent her a email asking her for a second chance, because I really love this girl. Anyhow, she basically told me that she might think about it.

 

I guess I have not given her the time she has asked for, because i would message her every couple of days, to tell her I loved her (i know this is a bad mistake, i try to hard to fight the urge), anyhow, I don't know what to do, all i want to here from her is that she loves me, and is really thinking about us, but everytime I have talked to her, she has been angry with me, and treating me like nothing. btw I am 21 and she is 19.

 

I guess I just want to hear from someone who has been in the same positions, or even some advice, if you think I have a chance getting her back. I mean is she really wanted it to be over she would tell me to "go away, and I don't want to see you again" wouldn't she? she hasn't, she just gets angry and says "I have almost had enough of this". I should back right off, i know I should, but I am so scared of loosing her...

 

Anyhow, hope to hear some opinions... please...

[Auriqua]

Did you ever say 'I love you' when you were together? And gave her as much attention as you now do? Or did you take it for granted?

 

It is not an easy decision to break up with some one, so if you want her back I would do anything in your range to clarify what it is that made her unhappy (maybe you already know, but you do not mention it in your topic)

 

It seems to me that you are running in circles. She is pushing you away, but leaves space for contact.

 

Women are not very good in just 'simply' say: i do not want to see you ever again. If you get a chance of talking to her, say that see has to made her mind up (set a date for that: not in 24 hours or so, but a week or so).

Otherwise, it would be unclarity all over for you. If she wants you back, you have to change a bit I think.

 

Hope this helps!

[Gullwing]

First let me say I am sorry things had to come to this between you and your girl. I , like many others , have been there before, and I know its not easy.

 

To answer your question , your girl wouldn't say to you she would never wants to see you again even if that is the truth. So don't make any assumptions.

 

Her cold and cruel reaction to your advances is all too familiar...and I tell you right now , STOP pushing her away if you want any chance of getting her back. I know that is the hardest thing to do... I know that you are telling yourself that you have to call her so she can see that you love her, but STOP if you don't want to ruin it.

 

If you have any chance at all of getting back together, you have to make the most of that chance :

1- you gotta stop calling. you already tried and it doesnt work.

2-you gotta start all over with yourself , so she can see again what she first saw in you that made her go out with you in the beginning.

3-you can cry at home and be depressed at home , but never let her see that negative vibe.

4-disappear for a bit , make her miss you , and at the same time , try going out with friends or even dating. ( dont understimate jealousy)

5-Assume the worse : that it's over. so you can make peace with yourself , and this way project positive vibes to her.

 

I wish you luck my friend , be strong. shes not stronger than you. she will realize what she lost.

[kuhl282000]

Hey Mick

 

Sorry your having such a tough time. Love does hurt ! As far as getting her back, I have learned (the hard way) that when you beg and sound desperate you push them away even more.No one like desperate. Remember, you can't change people they change themselves and only when they are ready. When I broke up with my ex, it was really hard on me, and I'm still working everyday to get over her. But I remember when we talked on the phone, the conversations were not like the loving ones we used to have. Like you they were full of anger, and she used to say "I can't do this anymore" She was sending a message, and I was not listening. We have not spoken in a month now. And I have accepted the fact that it is over (that is really hard to do by the way) but to preserve your sanity, you have to accept the facts. I suggest you leave her alone, and have the "NO Contact" rule. Otherwise you will be just keeping your hurting wound open and you can never heal that way. She knows how to get hold of you, so if she wants to talk to you she will contact you. I have found that when they say they need space of just want to be friends, that it is their nice way of letting you down because they don't want to hurt you. You have to get through this, and you will. And it will take sometime. But whatever you do, do not contact her. She will only hurt you, because you are looking for her to say the one thing that will put you 2 back together. And remember if she does not do that (and she won't) it will only hurt you even more. And you can't start the healing process, while your still bleeding. Put the Band-Aid on it and let the healing begin.

 

Good Luck !!!!!

Kuhl

[Pandora]

Hey,

Your ex is probably confuse and is not sure of what she wants herself. Having to deal with a breakup is not easy. By the way who is the dumper and who is the dumpee in this case? If you really want her back you have to give her time to miss you. Dun message her or call her. People never know what they missed till they'll lost it. You're still hovering in her life in a way now since there is till contact. You have to give yourselves both time to seriously think things through. At this moment you'll think that you really love her and want her back but you've to calm down and think things through. I've been through the same thing and i did all the begging and pleading but that only pushed him further away. since she did not give you a definite answer she probably still have some hope of working things out between you guys. If you were the dumper and wants her back, she might play hard to get and make you work to get her back. What ever it is its best not to get your hopes high so that ven if the worst happen its expected. For me i find that listening to music really sooths me and help me through the breakup that i'm still going through now/ hope that music will help you too..

[mickmorley]

Hey thanks for the reply guys, its good to know there are so many people out there that have experienced the same thing as me, and are willing to support others, its a nice thing.

 

Anyhow, new developments, the other night I was out and I was talking to one of her ex friends, apparently my gf did all these cheating things while we were going out (i am only hearing about them now), am I did a majorly stilly thing. I was rather drunk that night, and I never thought about the concequences of my actions, and I got angry when I heard these things, so I got on the phone and called my ex, and asked her if any of this is true. Well bad move i know, she basically said "I have made my desicon, you can't trust me, its over". It wasn't till after that when I realised, I am a silly fool!

 

I made that mistake I guess I have to live with it. Yesterday however, she called me, trying to get directions to a place through the city, so I helped her out, and I never said anything of it. She was really nice at that time, and later last night she sent me a text message to thank me for my help! (but I thought she said she never wants to speak to me again???)

 

I know I have screwed up, do you think there is any way I can fix this..???

[MrKawabata]

Trying to understand her actions may not be the way to go. Pragmatically speaking - "if you are in the game, you are in the game." You are still speaking with her - so enjoy!