When to Settle Down...

[31fan]

You know how people say that, regarding marriage, a woman waits until she finds the right partner, and a man waits until he finds the right time in his life? I am sort of in that situation now. My boyfriend and I met at a young age and we both knew almost right away we had found the right partner. There is nothing about this relationship that I would ever change, except that I would like to move in with him/get my life started with him within a reasonable amount of time. And to me that means marriage (I don't personally believe in cohabitation). We are still young (20 and 22), but we are both very mature. We have been together for 4 years now. Thing is, we both plan to continue our schooling for a while (4-5 years for each of us). I would kind of like to settle down before our 10th dating anniversary, you know?

 

This might be more of a vent than anything, but I was wondering if anyone has been in a situation like this and how it worked out for you... Right now, ideally I would like to "settle down" in about 2-3 years, does this sound reasonable?

 

Thanks for reading! 31fan

[annie24]

i think that's reasonable. despite being young, you two have been together for 4 years, so putting a date of marriage 2-3 years from now sounds reasonable to me.

[Aschleigh]

Have you brought it up to him?

I know it sounds unromantic. But if you know what you want and you are sure this is the relationship for you, why don't you talk to him about your plans. And see if his plans are complimentary to yours.

Or if you are so inclined, Ask him to marry you. Or hint at that's what you want.

[31fan]

Thanks for replying, yes I have brought it up with him - not very often of course because I don't want to seem pushy. He agrees that we should get married before I finish my degree, but he seems kind of wishy-washy. I know part of him feels like he should be well-established in his career so he can "provide" for us... which is silly because I will theoretically have the higher paying job haha. Anyway, I guess we're both traditional but in different ways.

[elizmdavis]

It sounds very reasonable. I think that if you are both headed in that same direction then 2-3 years is do-able! It is important that you both desire this outcome in the relationship amongst the individual goals that you are trying to accomplish. If one of you is more focused on yourself rather than yourself and the relationship, then there could be a problem. College is a huge commitment that requires a great deal of the self.

 

Four years together is awesome, you must be really understanding and supportive of eachother. Especially since you have been together through some crucial years in human development. Go with the flow of things and continue with the positive actions in your relationship.

 

Also remember that our society highly emphasizes marriage when you have "found the one!" or when you are "graduated and have a career". These ideals do not work for everyone, to each thier own! Write your own love song with him according to your paths. You will appreciate the strong foundation you have built before the lifelong commitment.

 

best wishes.

[31fan]

Thanks elizmdavis. Luckily we grow closer each year. We've been through a lot together (namely, over 2 years of long distance!) and I truly feel we have what it takes to make a marriage work. I am perhaps a bit impatient to get the ball rolling so to speak... I am not expecting anything now, but in a few years' time yes...

[meinreallife]

31fan,

 

I am probably not the best person to give advice..if you read my posts. But let me tell you, If you are in love, really deeply in love, than don't look back. When you find it, it is better than anything. If this boy is the one you know it already. However if you have any doubts, please....talk to him... figure it out...20 and 22 are very young. So much is going to change yet in your lives you need to know now that it can always be good. Ask him this, "Do you love me for me, all of me, forever?" If he melts into your arms than never let him go... if he hesitates he is normal. He is probably afraid. Figure this out. It is amazing how years can change you. I will tell you, that if this is real you will know it in the depth of your heart. If you do....never let him go.

[elizmdavis]

no problemo! I hope this all helps