I miss my ex so much...is there anything I can do now?

[BoddenProBowler06]

I know I shouldn't feel this way. My ex girlfriend broke up with me 3 separate times. Twice it wasn't my fault, but the third time it was partly mine and partly hers. I acted distant and she acted * * * * * y back. It all escalated until she gave up on me. We were really in love and I haven't made an attempt to contact her since. It was about a year long relationship...

 

We're both young and I think it was foolish the way it ended. We did so much together and I miss her so much. All the crap that went down makes it almost impossible to be friends, but I just want to settle this. I'm tired of us ignoring each other. I just want it to be a civil interaction. It's been about 5 months since it happened and I've realized all the things I did wrong and I want to apologize...but I'm not sure if it's too late or not. I just hate the both of us being like this when I know great things can be done together...

 

Any advice?

[Ellie2006]

You said in your OP: "I know great things can be done together."

 

As a TV personality says, "past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior."

While it'd be unfair to condense your entire relationship in this way, it appears as though you two have a "pattern" of breaking up and getting back together again.

 

If I may ask: what was the reconciliation process like the two previous times? Were the problems/conflict addressed OR were they simply swept under the rug?

 

And how certain are you that things will be different? I ask this because both people have to be willing to change for the relationship to work post-reconciliation; you may be ready to, but if she's not ready to change, what's going to keep her from breaking up with you again, esp. if she broke up with you twice before, although it "wasnt your fault"??

 

If you think you have to apologize for certain actions, then, I think that would be okay.

 

Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear but I also think it'd be crucial to give more consideration to whether or not a relationship is the best way to go for both of you.

 

Just my two cents.

[BoddenProBowler06]

If I may ask: what was the reconciliation process like the two previous times? Were the problems/conflict addressed OR were they simply swept under the rug?

 

After the first break up, we really didn't talk about it much. However, after the second one, she apologized a lot and we discussed what went wrong and where we could do better. This third time was the longest time we were together before we both screwed it up near the end. We didn't discuss EVERYTHING that went wrong, but we went over a great deal how the same thing wouldn't happen again...which unfortunately, it did.

 

And how certain are you that things will be different? I ask this because both people have to be willing to change for the relationship to work post-reconciliation; you may be ready to, but if she's not ready to change, what's going to keep her from breaking up with you again, esp. if she broke up with you twice before, although it "wasnt your fault"??

 

If you think you have to apologize for certain actions, then, I think that would be okay.

 

I'm not certain they will be different. I know on my end I'd be willing to change, but I'm not so sure she would. She's as stubborn as they come and I don't even think she believes she did anything wrong near the end of our relationship. In fact, she's almost avoided me since this all happened. She has no reason to, but she has been acting very childish and immature.

 

I really don't want to get back with her together in a relationship per say, but maybe have her around as a friend or find a way so we can just be civil with each other. This "feud" has been going on for far too long and I just want to be the bigger man to step up and say, "let's end this and start anew." I'm really over the breakup, but I'm not over having her around as a friend.