under.my.umbrell Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I cheated on my boyfriend (of 5 years) two months ago. He doesn't know that I did it, and I made the inevitable decision of keeping it from him for the rest of our lives. I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life. I learned that there is no other man out there for me. He is truly a one of a kind. One day, I hope to marry this man and have children with him. I want to be with him until I die. Today, I am writing because as I look back on what I did to him, and it doesn't make me feel bad anymore. If I could take back cheating, I would, but it certainly doesn't make me feel bad. I am not coming down on myself anymore. I did what I did and it's done and over with and will never happen again. I also feel like my boyfriend could never possibly find out, unless one of my sisters tells him (yes, I did tell my sisters). The only thing that I feel really disgusted by is the fact that one of my sisters could hold this over my head. They've both done things to me in the past that I have questioned. I have also done things to them. But for now, we are all good. That is my only concern. Can I live with them knowing this vital information? How can I handle this? Link to comment
lillie Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Thats at least two counts of bad judgement. 1) You cheated,howver im not discussing that as thats not what you post is about 2) you told your sisters,whom it sounds you dont really trust & they dont trust you? If your decision was to keep this from your b/f the next step would be to not tell ANYONE... It could get very tricky this.. Link to comment
rosephase Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Tell him, that is how you can handle this. Take the power away from your sisters. Tell him and give him the chance to forgive you. And start your lives with honesty. Link to comment
DN Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 If you don't get along with your sisters, now or at some time in the future, how can you be sure they won't tell your boyfriend? I think you will be living in some suspense for the foreseeable future. Link to comment
lillie Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Tell him, that is how you can handle this. Take the power away from your sisters. Tell him and give him the chance to forgive you. And start your lives with honesty. We have already been here rose on the OP's other thread. And i think the conclusion was not to tell.. But yes falling on your own sword would take away their power.. Link to comment
under.my.umbrell Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 I know..I want to tell him so badly, I do. I just don't know how I'm going to say it? Link to comment
under.my.umbrell Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 I don't know where I'm going to tell him or how I'm going to say it... I'm scarred to tell him. He's either going to get really physical or very emotional. I don't know what I should do? Link to comment
under.my.umbrell Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 He's not a very predictable person and in this circumstance, there's no telling what will happen? I don't know what I could say?? Link to comment
Mlost Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 You are choosing to spend the rest of your life with a thought in the back of your head that keeps saying, "Will he find out today? What about tomorrow?" Also, you are going to have to suck up to your sisters for the rest of your life. If they've done things to you in the past, then they're already questionable. And now they have this huge, absolutely huge, amount of power over you. Dangle that in front of your face and they'll have you dancing to whatever tune they want. Sounds like a horrible way to go forward. Link to comment
lillie Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I don't know where I'm going to tell him or how I'm going to say it... I'm scarred to tell him. He's either going to get really physical or very emotional. I don't know what I should do? Really physical? Do you mean violent towards you? I hope noy if you are wanting to marry him & raise children.. Link to comment
Mlost Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 He's not a very predictable person and in this circumstance, there's no telling what will happen? I don't know what I could say?? I've never been in this situation, but I can't imagine an easy way of saying it. Even if you preface it with what you said earlier about how he is the only one for you, he is still going to feel completely hurt and betrayed. You may lose him over this, I don't know. If you're afraid he may get physical, then arrange to have a friend or family member either in the same house or maybe extremely close by, just in case. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Well as scared as you are to tell him, I would be even more terrified that I could be ratted out by the sister later, then he could really flip out having heard it from someone other than you...... Very delicate situation here....... Link to comment
DN Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Has this guy been violent to you in the past? Link to comment
under.my.umbrell Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 Really physical? Do you mean violent towards you? I hope noy if you are wanting to marry him & raise children.. Yes, physical. We are both physical towards each other. It all started with him though. Link to comment
notsoanonymous Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 OP, now I'm confused. In your other post, you basically said "I'm staying and keeping this a secret." You even said that AGAIN at the top of this post as well. To say that you "only concern" is being ratted out and that you "don't even feel bad anymore" is an interesting comment when you turn around and say you really want to tell him but don't know how because you are afraid of his reaction. Based on those two things alone, I don't think you are settled on anything yet. You sound like a person who cheated but if afraid to tell because you don't want him to leave... Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude just calling it how it appears to be. I think worrying about one of your sisters holding this over your head should be the least of your concerns right now. I feel for you and I'm sorry you are going through this all, but there is a right and a wrong in life - and a lesson to be learned from each... I hope you settle on a way to live that brings some closure and piece of mind for you. Not telling him doesn't seem to be the thing that will give you that. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Yes, physical. We are both physical towards each other. It all started with him though. This doesn't sound like a relationship that should involve marriage or having children later...... Not healthy. Is this why you cheated on him, because he isn't all that nice to you? Link to comment
DN Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 It doesn't really matter who started the violence the fact is that you both do it to each other. Perhaps you should be re-evaluating this relationship. You cheated on him and you are both violent to each other. Not a good basis for a marriage. Link to comment
lillie Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Yes, physical. We are both physical towards each other. It all started with him though. Right..I dont know what to say to that really. Apart from in future if i was you i would behave!!! So now this potentially 'tricky' situation is a potentialy 'mount etna' situation!! With real violence & blood??? For once,i just dont know what to say for the best... Link to comment
notsoanonymous Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I am only saying this as the devil's advocate here BUT... The OP has a huge long thread on this topic already and has gone on and on about how great of a man this guy is but suddenly is calling him a guy who gets "physical" with her? Enlighten us OP, please. This could change everything or nothing. Link to comment
Mlost Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I agree with DN. You say you love him so much and he's such a wonderful person. Now he is abusive towards you and you are abusive towards him... This sounds like the kind of relationship that needs to end, or go through some massive changes. If things are already physical between you two, this could seriously push him over the edge. Link to comment
under.my.umbrell Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 This doesn't sound like a relationship that should involve marriage or having children later...... Not healthy. Is this why you cheated on him, because he isn't all that nice to you? The only reason I cheated on him was for the affection that I was getting from this other guy. I could have cared less about the sex. It was this guys willingness to open up to me and share with me his weaknesses and show his softer side. Unlike my boyfriend. He has a huge problem with forcing his opinion on people. He's a very "close-minded person". He's also very "tough". I think of it as him being an "a-hole" though because he never shows his soft side around me or even likes cuddling. He's too harsh sometimes. Link to comment
lillie Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I am only saying this as the devil's advocate here BUT... The OP has a huge long thread on this topic already and has gone on and on about how great of a man this guy is but suddenly is calling him a guy who gets "physical" with her? Enlighten us OP, please. This could change everything or nothing. Yes i joined in on that thread... All i can think to say is that if you are silly enough to be with a violent man (if he is) AND cheat,and lie....Im sorry but you knew the risks involved here. And as for marriage & kids??? Well i will keep that to myself.. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 The only reason I cheated on him was for the affection that I was getting from this other guy. I could have cared less about the sex. It was this guys willingness to open up to me and share with me his weaknesses and show his softer side. Unlike my boyfriend. He has a huge problem with forcing his opinion on people. He's a very "close-minded person". He's also very "tough". I think of it as him being an "a-hole" though because he never shows his soft side around me or even likes cuddling. He's too harsh sometimes. With that said, why do you want to continue a relationship with someone like that? You are obviously unhappy in the relationship. Link to comment
under.my.umbrell Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 When I was saying that my boyfriend is a wonderful person, he can be. He will do anything for me (financially)...which is good (sometimes) because of the situation I am in right now. Emotionally, I feel disconnected from him though, because he is a jerk most of the time and he's also very racist, which I can't stand. Link to comment
under.my.umbrell Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 I guess I did confuse you guys with the marriage and the kids. I said that because I know that he will financially be able to take care of me and his children. He is a very strong person and is a workaholic. I guess I have to weigh my options...Should I stay with him for financial reasons and be a little unhappy forever, or should I spread my wings and fly away and find someone that will show me affection? Link to comment
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