I am such a fool

[lostandlonely77]

HAH! Saturday night. Had a great day / night out with girlfriends. Wonderful evening and all left one another - I was trying to get cab an could not so I called him! I knew he was out drinking with mates - he answered and I started cryig down the phone - he then said to come to his and would meet me there - so i go to his, eventually get a cab and paid over the odds for it! Get to his and he is not there, I wait and I am sleepy on door step. He eventually arrives all apologetic saying tried to clal me as he could not get cab - my phone battery died. Anyway get into house and he gets angry as why I called him - then he hugs me and then angry again

I am very very upset and crying l ike a baby

Anyway get into same bed and cuddle up - I try to kiss him he is about to repond then pulls back and says no

I am gutted but do not cry - anyway - he snaps that this changes nothing etc and I just roll over and sleep. Wake up yesterday morning disguted with myself. I jump up to call a cabn and he tells me not to be silly to come back to bed - sleep and rest. I do so and we cuddle in, hold hands, kisses my forehead and strokes my hair. Eventually fall asleep in each others arms. Wake up few hours later and he is goign to football practice and says for me to weait and he will run me home when he comes back - when he leaves I get up to pack and get ready as realise do not want o be there when he gets back.

 

I wander into spaere room and there is a set of girls hair straighteners on floor - check his drawer and a half emoty box od condoms, found two cinema tickets. Coupl of other things spring to mind and I dialled last number and it is his best mates wife's best friends no. All these feelings goign round in headf and threw up! Strated to grabd everything I bought - lamps, vases and a stool! Started calling a cab and then called my friend who said calm down - put everything back and walk out of their with dignity in tact - do not take anything

 

So I put everything back and get out of there - he texts me in afternoon to ask me to contact him to let him know home safe - I do so later on and state that my shock of the day was hair straighteners and said sorry abd would never hear from me again. He text back saying "the ones that **** left here after getting ready for a night out (this is his mates wife). Did you go through the drawers as well? Whatever...."

 

and I thought oh no. Any deleted tha tand never contact and will no contact. Feel so humiliated, I did not see any sign if a girl being there and friends think i am jumping to all sorts on conclusions - anyway - this has put me bcak at square on after 2 months.

 

Thats it - I am done

 

NC and forget

[lillie]

Im sorry you are feeling like this,iv been here many years ago but i can still remember how gutting & sick it feels.

But at the end of the day this is what NC protects you from. More heartache,pain,confusion & humiliation. Your not the first person to find themselves in this situation & you wont be the last. But when this guy is sending mixed signal then saying it changes nothing,9 times out of 10 it does change nothing.

You will feel better about it in a few days,honestly. Just go back to NC & try & heal,which takes time yes but it can be done,all you have to do is read some posts on here from the people who have made it through the other side. Dont be a victim,be a success story..I know its hard but it can be done.

[lostandlonely77]

i have drafted a long email / letter to him but i think i should jst bin it?

 

Help need help

 

it is feelings about why I turned up there and just a bit of closure etc

[lillie]

i have drafted a long email / letter to him but i think i should jst bin it?

 

Help need help

 

it is feelings about why I turned up there and just a bit of closure etc

 

Personally i would discard the long email. All you are doing is digging your hole deeper. I know you think it feels good to explain things & get things off your chest,but its a quick gratification. And IF he responds it may not be the response you were expecting which will add to your feelings of being down & confused.

The best thing to do in my opinion is to leave it now. Give him a wide birth,go NC & sort yourself out. If he contacts you then come back here & tell us so that we can hopefully advise you. You dont have to explain yourself to him at all & i doubt the email witll give you closure because you will be sat by the pc waiting for his reply,and what if he doesnt reply?

Honestly for your own sake its best to draw a line now & dont make any contact..

[Clabs]

Hi lost

 

Well hun - there is an old saying on here that says be careful what you look for because you might not like what you find. You looked - and it has set you right back.

 

Lillie is so right - NC is designed for you - not only for some peace and quiet to get your head back on straight but also to protect yourself from episodes like this.

 

It can be very theraputic to write all your feelings down in a nice long letter or email. But those communications are best off left in your own head because if you do send something, it is only gonna stir things up again, isn't it?

 

You can do this - but you have to be strong and know that any contact with him won't end in the results you want to hear.

 

Take care and keep strong.

 

Mark

[lostandlonely77]

thank you thank you - I have binned it now.

 

Will just try and get over this period. Had been doing good of two months.

 

I guess hardest thing is knowing he is totally over me and thats the cutting part. Then there is all the worry about him being with someone and I am still on my own.

 

Scared I guess. Really did think he was the one.

 

xx

[Clabs]

Honey - those fears you have suck but you have to get through them. It does hurt like hell when you come to the conclusion that it really is over. But at the same time - it is also a defining moment when you know that you shouldn't look back.

 

Try not to worry what he is doing - it'll only hurt you.

 

It can be scary to think that you are going to be on your own - but you were ok before him and ok after him. I know it is tough that you thought he was the one - that is what I thought last time around! I guess we lots of us can never really tell.

 

You had been doing so well - and you will get back to a better place soon. Try to give it a bit more time and try to keep busy and have some fun.

 

Mark

[lillie]

When they are totally over you there is nothing you can do to change it,turn back the clock or talk them round. To me this is the defining point in the breakup where you just HAVE to deal with it,and knowing that im no longer loved or wanted would make it easier to deal with. Its like flogging a dead horse,ie whipping it when its already dead.

At this point of realisation i usually feel the burden lift a little,its all the closure i need,although i know we are not all the same. You have to get focused now & move forward intead of lingering about in the past. I know its hard,but it can be done. Iv done it and so have many others. You deserve to be with a man who truley loves you,not one who you have to talk into loving you like begging him to. You deserve the former like everyone else does who's going through similar situations..

[starlight40]

Oh honey, your allowed to feel bad about this so dont beat yourself up, if id been in that situation- with the straightners id have been EXACTLY the same and id have jumped to the same conclusions. Ive also done the drunken text/phone call thing as you know. Youve just had a little set back thats all, it doesnt mean you cant still be strong and that your hard work has gne to waste, you did great before and im sure you will continue to do so. You can do it, feel free to PM me anytime you wana talk xx

[lostandlonely77]

THank you guys

 

I am now at the point where I am thinking ok whats done is done.

I never responded to his angry text on Sunday and will never contact him again and I mean this

 

I need to move on for the sake of my sanity and embrace a new life ahead

 

I am trying to hard to focus on me and not think what if - if only i wish etc etc

 

GOod thing was I did not feel entirely comfortable being there on my own the next day - so thats a step in the right direction at least - it felt cold and just unwelcoming and so I think I am moving on (even if it does not feel like it) also the fact I thought would not be able to settle back in my home however this is happening - its stioll up for sale and i think with current market conditions and it taking longer this is actually what is getting me down so it is a collection of things.

 

I must focus on positives - I keeop thinking how his life will be so much better than mine and his new partner will be so lucky etc etc but thats a terrible way to think xx

[Clabs]

Hey lost

 

It will be tough but as you say - try to focus on you now hun - you are the most important thing in your life - right?

 

Try and stop worrying and wondering how much better his life will be - it is likely not the case - and anyway - what does it matter? You are doing things for you right now - getting your head together and getting on with your life.

 

Take care of yourself please!

 

Mark

[lillie]

Just to let you know,what you are thinking about & feeling is completely normal,terribley painful but normal. The next step is to accept these terrible things for what they are & move on like you say. Trust me it does get better. And when something nice happens to you or you meet someone else & fall in love,all this will nicely be drop into perspective. It might feel like its a long time away but it will come & you will be happy & pain free. It just takes time to process all these awful feelings,then deal with them head on & then move forward with an optimistic attitude..

[lostandlonely77]

Hey there,

 

Many thanks for all this.

 

It is getting better this week - more upbeat and throwing myselfinto work (whilst not in here) luckily I have a great mix of friends and my calendar is filing up.

 

Have been staying at parents on last few nights and you know how mothers are very to the point and always right? Well I was lying on my mum and dads bed last night as most times I do this when I need a parental feeling, mum was ironing and we were chatting away.

 

Mum just came right out to the point saying that there was not point to be this upset as in the end he just did not treat you very nice? That was it!

 

That was all she said however the reason it stuck was because my mum sees the good in everyone, all the time still saying he was nice chap and everything however seeing how he went about the break up. About his actions before it and the way he handled it and the way he has been after it my mum thinks is truly 'not very nice' and she is so right.

 

So i thought to myself, but I am nice? I deserve someone truly nice and who loves me for me - now fo not get me wring I have my faults, I am insecure, I am a 100 miles per hour when talking about something, I am excitable, hyper, always late, running about working all the time, losing things, misplacing things, spilling things, and all this I thought added to why I was dumped. I am a major pain in the a***!! BUT, I am kind, considerate, would bend over backwards for anyone, generous I am told TO A FAULT (how can this be) and always I 100% gave everything to us and invested so so much in us and when I actually think about it I did more so than him - so today?

 

Today I am tearful when I think that I did not derserve that, tearful when i think he has that other person whom I know and who was in the picture with us through the two years and who I now think was there in more ways than one and I just think - YOU TWO DESERVE EACH OTHER.

 

I am still thinking god why me - what did i do that was so wrong - I was blissfully happy and not really aware for a while what went wrong but its all coming together now.

 

I do not know why I am writng this - just to vent - it helps but if I keep being me? Keep healthy, get better as a person, be kinder, be nicer, and see the best in everyone then only nice things can happen.

 

Phew!!

 

XXXX

[Clabs]

Hey Lost

 

So glad that you are feeling more upbeat about things!

 

You know - listen to your mother - he didn't treat you very well - your mum is always right!

 

You do deserve better - much better. You are a good person, a loving and kind and generous person. You may sit and wonder "why me" but it sounds more like his faults were to play in this rather than there be anything wrong with you.

 

Keep on moving forward darling - keep smiling - you are doing great!

 

Mark

[lillie]

The good thing about 'the end' is that it brings about 'the beginning'..This happens all through nature,and its something to look forward to

 

And if it helps just keep coming back to your thread & post about how you feel & how you are coping,i think it helps to get it off your chest