Can someone help me understand my son a bit better?

[SunsetGazer47]

First of all, I want to apologize for a terrible question I asked about my son’s taste in date not long ago. I and my husband was just fed up with my son ignoring etiquette rules, my family being uncomfortable about my son’s date, and we were kind of hoping he’d settle down and pick someone more “normal”

 

Yesterday, my daughter brought one of her friend who my son used to or is currently seeing as well over to show her wedding dress. So I decide to try talk to the girl. She seems to be very nice, friendly, and laugh a lot. It kind of surprise me since goth people always seems somewhat depressing to me. We manage to talk for a bit, I learned that she is attending a veterinary school, she met my son three years ago when she worked in a coffeehouse that he regular at, and I found out through her that my son is considering getting a pug. But she doesn’t know if she’ll be accompanying my son to my daughter’s wedding.

 

I’m glad I got a chance to talk to her a bit. But there are still many things I don’t understand. Does my son find them to be beautiful or just like their personality? Why doesn’t he stay in relationship with any of girls for long? He always seems to find a new girl or rotate among the girls out very couple weeks. How can they become attached to each other if my son isn’t even a goth? What does he see in them?

 

Why would those girls like my son so much? Why do they dress unique? Should I be worried about them?

 

I'm really worried about how often when I stop by his house, usually if he’s not home, there’s always at least one girl at his house. A couple times I’ve come by and find two girls home and he wasn’t there. I just feel that he’s putting himself in a bad spot doing that. But he has been doing this for about two years and have no idea why he's doing this.

 

I’d like to ask him, but it just feels so awkward. So I’m trying to figure as much things out as possible before asking him about all of this. Can someone help me understand him and those girls a bit better please?

[Daddy Bear]

Goth is simply a lifestyle. It doesn't necessarily indicate dysfunction. That your son is popular with these girls probably means that he appreciates their individualism and treats them well. So far, he hasn't found the girl he wants to marry, but aren't you glad that he's being discerning instead of just glomming on to the first thing that floated his way?

 

Frankly, it sounds from your post as though your son is relatively well-adjusted and I don't think you have any cause to worry.

[Raiden]

The way people dress (and what music and other hobbies they enjoy) isn't something you should judge them by, which you clearly are doing.

 

Your son is perfectly normal, as are his choices in girlfriends.

[avman]

As the others said, Goth is simply a way of dressing and doesn't really reflect or indicate anything. A lot of people simply grow out of it and go on to dressing other ways.

 

Why do they like your son so much? Well maybe your son is attractive and a good guy. That's going to draw all kinds of women.

 

Why doesn't he stay with any of them? Well perhaps he just isn't ready to settle down and he's just having fun. If he's got a lot of girls falling all over him I would imagine he really likes that.

[segor56]

Maybe your husband should speak with him if it is worrying you?

[hers]

If you think this girl has a good head on her shoulders, would it bother you if she came to the wedding? Now that you've gotten to talk to her I mean?

 

I agree with others--goth is a lifestyle and is not indicitive of lifestyle and thoughts. it's just a look.

 

Remember your son is an adult. You can't understand him completely b/c he is his own person. He is who he is, and you shoudl leave it at that.

[Mythical_Suicide]

I'm just going to echo what everyone else has said, Goth isn't a style of clothing it's a lifestyle. To most I am considered goth (Never would have guessed that one would ya?) on the outside while I dress in my own little way inside i'm just like anyone else. I'm not some depressed psychopath just because I wear a certain style of clothing or wear black eyeshadow and lipstick.

 

Why should you be more worried about some "goth" chic than any other chic your son would possibly date? Hell i'd worry less about the gothic chics than the prim and proper princess he could bring home