My ex has lost his mind...

[dream83]

My current ex (not the guy in my recent thread) sent me an email a couple of days ago to which I reluctantly replied. Since then he emailed me once yesterday and has sent me several weird emails tonight asking if I'm okay, saying that he's worried that something bad might have happened to me and just completely freaking out. Apparently he tried to call and text me, but luckily I didn't hear the phone.

 

While it's true that I'm living in a new city and I don't know a lot of people here, I feel like my ex is using that as an excuse to remain a part of my life and to lure me back in. I feel like he's completely flipping out because i'm not giving him attention. My problem is not that I feel tempted to take him back. It's that I'm finding his behavior tonight to be kind of creepy an disturbing. What can I do to put this to a stop without having to change my phone number, etc.? I shouldn't have to change my number over his insanity. I've told him as recently as two days ago that I don't want to talk to him because I don't feel like it's a good thing for me to do, and now he's completely freaking out.

 

Any suggestions, please? I really am starting to be a little bothered by his maniacal tendencies.

[SingleAgain34]

According to your previous posts, this guy has Narcissistic Disorder traits. Mine too called saying that "something bad must have happened so I am checking in" after I went NC for two months. These types don't give up on their source of attention - the only way is complete NC.

 

Here are some questions to see if he has that disorder:

 

1. Constantly looks to you to meet their needs

2. Expects you to know what he/she expects, desires, and needs without having to ask for it

3. Gets upset when you are perceived to be critical or blaming

4. Expects you to put his/her needs before your own

5. Seeks attention in indirect ways

6. Expects you to openly admire him/her

7. Acts childish, e.g., sulks or pouts

8. Accuses you of being insensitive or uncaring without cause or notice

9. Finds fault with your friends

10. Becomes angry when challenged or confronted

11. Does not seem to recognize your feelings

12. Uses your disclosures to criticize, blame, or discount you

13. Is controlling

14. Lies, distorts, and misleads

15. Is competitive and uses any means to get what is wanted

16. Has a superior attitude

17. Is contemptuous of you and others

18. Is arrogant

19. Is envious of others

20. Demeans and devalues you

21. Is self-centered and self absorbed

22. Has to be the center of attention

23. Manipulates others to win attention

24. Is impulsive and reckless

25. Boasts and brags

26. Is insensitive to your needs

27. Makes fun of others’ mistakes or faults

28. Engages in seductive behavior

29. Is vengeful

30. Expects favors, but does not return them

[Litgirl01]

Sounds like my ex!

[dream83]

Thanks, Single. He displays many of those characteristics, but I do know whether it's enough to classify his as a full-blown narcissist...maybe borderline. Whatever it is it's enough to annoy the crap out of me and right now to cause me to feel slightly disturbed.

 

I've been going NC for the most part, but I made the mistake of writing him a couple of days ago to tell him that I'm okay (if he was really concerned) and to let him know that I simply didn't want to talk to him. I haven't written back tonight, so i think i will go NC. I'm just a little worried about how things might escalate (i.e. coming to my house, increasing phone calls, etc.).

 

How much has your ex tried to contact you over the last two months? Did it get worse before it got better?

[dream83]

I felt like had to break NC this morning after he sent me this long email threatening to call the cops and file a missing person report

[EyesOnThePrize]

dream83 - If he has NPD or BPD, its likely to be bad news. I strongly suspect my ex has BPD, and while I'd still be willing to get back with her, I'm also prepared for a long struggle with that, if she is willing to take on the disorder. I don't know a lot about NPD, and from what I've been told, its even harder to deal with than BPD, so if he does have that, it may be tough for him to not be involved in your life, as he may see it as his "duty."

 

As others have stated, that's his issue, not yours. My thought is that you would be well served to work on you and perhaps learn a bit about how to deal with his "hoovering" attempts, so that when they come (which may be inevitable), you will be able to hand the situation well, and not let it disrupt your life too much.

[dream83]

Thanks Eyes. He does see it as his "duty." My brother has BPD, and while there are some slight similarities between my brother and my ex (that I came to see over time, not that I have long been aware of) I don't think my ex has BPD. I completely feel like his problem is not my problem. But I feel like if I do go complete NC, which is exactly what I want to do, he will go nuts and start calling the police, etc. I don't know what I could do that would help the situation that wouldn't allow my life to be affected.

[SingleAgain34]

Dream83 mine continued to contact me indirectly through my friend. Even after I told him that I don't want to hear from him ever again, he still sent me a text for my bday. I didn't reply.

 

For your own good you should absolutely remain in NC. Any reaction from you, any message, text or communication via proxy, any kind of message negative, angry, polite or nice will be taken by your ex as a fuel to continue pursuing you. This guy needs attention from you - that's all. Any kind. Don't give it to him. Eventually he'll realize that he can't get the attention anymore and he will move on to his next victim.

[dream83]

But, what if he does actually tell the police he thinks I'm missing? I don't have time for that insanity, nor do I want the commotion of having frantic police officers at my place.

[SingleAgain34]

If it happens, tell the police the truth. And if he's gone that far, you clearly must change your phone number. You need to protect yourself. No Contact! Eventually he'll get the message.

[xrayspex]

Sounds like my ex!

 

Geez, that sounds like my soon-to-be ex too, to a T!

[PushingDaisies]

I dont know how to deal with the police thing but can you block him on your phone? Most mobiles have the ability to block calls and texts. Similarly with emails - you can choose to put him on your junk list.

 

Hopefully I wont be so drastic that he calls the police. I agree with everyone else - NC is the way to go!!

[dream83]

Geez, that sounds like my soon-to-be ex too, to a T!

 

This is a common occurrence???

 

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm going to keep trying NC. This is ridiculous.

[npc24]

is this a person you broke up with or he broke up with you?

you said not your current ex so how long ago did your R end with this guy?

[dream83]

is this a person you broke up with or he broke up with you?

you said not your current ex so how long ago did your R end with this guy?

 

This is my current ex. The "not" part was referring to another guy I mentioned in another unrelated thread recently. I broke up with him a month ago. The breakup was for good reason as he mistreated me on more than enough occasions, and at one point he even said he wasn't sure that he wanted to be with me. So...I decided I didn't want to be with him.

 

Now, all of a sudden he's acting "devastated" and crazy. For a guy who mistreated me and said the things he said to me I don't know what else he should expect. Funny how when he was out of town on business he wasn't "worried" about me. But, the minute he gets back he's freaking out.