Can a relationship be saved after months in LIMBO LAND?

[EddieAdams]

My ex-fiancee and I broke up on January 26th and we stayed in constant contact until May 2nd.

 

She would always say "I love you"...call me baby, babe, and other pet names. She would always call me before she went to bed and said to me that we would still get married someday...but, "right now I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone." We would spend time together twice a week and spent the night together a good 8-10 times over those 3.5 months. We would kiss and hug and cuddle. She would say that she couldn't say we were a couple because it was a mental thing for her...at the moment.

 

Finally, we had a fantastic and amazing night before my college graduation on May 2nd. We went to dinner and while at dinner she said, "I love you" so passionately that it sounded different this time, it sounded like it used to. She spoke about our future children...all on her own. We acted like we were still engaged. Then, we later went back to my place and made love for the first time in 4 months. It was amazing for us both. She has been fighting some weird illness for the past 5 weeks...it goes away and comes back....keeps taking different medicine...anyway. Then, ......she started to drift away the very same week....and she started talking about wanting to be all alone. She said, "I think about all the wonderful things you do for me and how amazing you are. I know the right thing to do is to spend time with you and to call you all the time, but, I can't force myself to do it. I don't want to be around anyone that I love, you or my family." She revealed that she believes that she has depression and that she took medicine for it years ago. I said, "Does this have to do with other men?" She said, "No! Men are disgusting, I don't want another man....I'll write it in my own blood right now." Then we finished the conversation...and she said "I love you."

 

It really hurt and kind of put a dagger through my soul. After all that time that I waited to make love to her...which I thought would bring us together.

 

She texted me on Mothers day and then texted me on the 12th it said, "Dear E, I woke up this morning with golfball sized tonsils and a fever. I'm sick AGAIN! I had to call off work again....you know they must think I'm a loser. I'm going to try to sleep. Luv, C" Then she called me later that day and she sounded horrible! We started talking and she talked about wanting to be all alone.....She said, ""I love you so much and I do WANT you....but I just want to be alone right now." We had a fight on the phone and she cried and I cried and we didn't communicate for a week, from May 12th to the 19th. I called to apologize and left a voice mail, she texted the next day and it read, "I accept your apology. Honestly I will have more to say when I'm not sick. I'm still sick, been on new medicine."

 

I texted a couple other times that week and received one response. Then I emailed her on the 26th and it was a long and positive email saying that if she needed space that I understood. It also thanked her for all of my amazing memories and that the door of communication was open. She emailed me back 2 days later on the 28th, it read, "Dear Eddie, Thank you for the amazing email...so true...all of it. If you can believe this, I am still sick. It will be 5 weeks on sunday. When I can hear out of my ears, I will call you. Right now, talking to peolpe is not pleasant and I avoid it as much as possible. I have been going to the doctors and taking medicine....I know you're wondering. I hope God lets me live through this because I am so angry with him. Let me know how your jobs are going. Talk to you soon, Cindy."

 

I responded and told her of my job. No response.... I texted her a joke once that day, no response. The next day (29th) I wrote her an email saying that I hope she has a nice trip to Ireland....no response. 4 days later I texted her and asked her if she wanted to get a bite to eat before she left. No response.....so then, I sent her one more text saying, "Have a nice trip to Ireland. I understand if you don't want to see me. I wanted to see before you left. Pick a four leaf clover and safe it. Bye" No response......

 

If she's still going to Ireland....because at this point I have no idea, she would of left for Boston on June 4th.....to then travel to Ireland. It was to be a 10 day stay with her aunt and other female cousins.

 

She seems to have droped off the face of the earth! We never went more than 2 days without talking since the end of the engagemant in January. It's now been 3 weeks and she has given me 2....all be positive responses. What happened on May 2nd? We made love and had one of the greatest nights of our entire relationship....before, during, or after the break up.

 

Is it too late to repair this relationship? Is 4 months in limbo land too long?

Have I lost respect in her eyes because I waited for her? Where did she go?

 

I've left her alone now.....although she never told me to, I have a feeling she may want me to.....the reason, I'm not sure?

 

......Can I get some insight

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Is it possible that whatever she had got worse? If she was that sick why would you be sending her messages about going away rather than asking her how she is feeling and if she is actually going to be able to go away. Can you contact her parents and find out if she is okay. I would be more concerned about her health right now than about anything else. Maybe she is not responding because she is actually quite ill.

[EddieAdams]

All of this is true....I hadn't really thought of that.

 

But, if I call her mother I feel as though I would be violating her space.

 

Also, I would assume that if she was extremely ill, that someone would have contacted me to let me know.

 

But, knowing Cindy.....when she said "talking to people is not pleasant, and she avoids it when possible".....that could mean phone calls, texts, and emails.

 

If she did go to Ireland......I hope it can clear her mind a bit.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

It sounds like she could be trying to do the 'soft' dump... where she just never outright rejects you or has a big confrontation to say it is over, but just keeps extending the time between contacts...

 

Unless a person is in the hospital, it takes just a few seconds to respond to a text. I think you have to assume she is not talking to you because she doesn't want to... and she certainly is not encouraging a relationship by behaving this way.

 

I know someone who is quite the womanizer who has dumped a lot of women, and he uses this approach. He does these 'I'm sorry i'm busy at work', or 'I've got the flu' and 'i'll talk to you soon'... but then he never actually does follow thru and is busily distancing himself from the woman, regardless of the impression he is giving her. He is hoping she will forget about him if he stalls it long enough.

 

So you have to look at her actions, which is doing nothing to get together with you, or even respond to you in a polite fashion when you do contact her. Her actions are bascially saying she doesn't want a relationship with you, nor responsbility towards you. I'm sorry!

[EddieAdams]

If that's true......that's a damn shame.

 

I can't believe that someone that I was engaged to and just had a wedding planned with.....just over 4 months ago, would treat me like a one night stand.

 

That would be the lowest thing you could do.....

 

Be a woman and tell me the truth.

 

.......GOD

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I suggest that you don't just accept her silence and rudeness when not responding to your texts. And if she keeps postponing contact, start calling her on it.

 

I wouldn't just text her a 'how are you' then let it go if she doesn't respond. Call her on the phone, and keep calling til she answers. If she doesn't answer after many attempts, then text her and ask her why she isn't answering. If you get another lame excuse, just don't respond to it, nor text or call her again.

 

If she never calls you back then you have your answer. Or if she only texts now and again then disappears, that is frankly a rude and mean way to treat someone who you supposedly care about, and she needs to hear that is not appropriate and you expect better from her.

 

Her words just aren't lining up with her actions, which usually means the person is not being honest with you, or else is avoiding contact and confrontation because they know what they have to say to you will provoke an argument or an emotional scene they don't want to bother with.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, that could be true...but at this point you can't really rule out the fact that she could be quite sick...when people are very sick, sometimes they are not in the mood of dealing with anyone or anything...especially if they are not sure why they are that sick.

[EddieAdams]

Right......

 

And....she has never lied to me....ever.

 

I would think that if she needed space....that she would've said that to me after I wrote her that email. I didn't even expect a response. And she said she would basicaslly....call me when she felt better. And when she felt like this last time.....we had a huge argument on the phone. When she says she avoids talking with people when possible, she musy mean it.

 

And if I know her.....maybe she's just trying to figure things out.

 

I'll give her a week after she was to return from her trip....then maybe I should contact her.....not sure.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

If she is well enough to go on a 10 day jaunt to Ireland, she is well enough to call you and tell you she is OK... i would never tell someone i cared about that i was super sick, then not answer their texts because i would care about them enough to want them not to worry about me.

 

You are tiptoeing around her like you don't want to wake the sleeping tiger. The problem is she is ignoring you, and if she truly had nothing else to do but lay in bed for weeks because she is sick she can certainly answer a text. I can understand her not answering for a day or two if she's sick, but not for weeks. How many people who are not in the hospital wouldn't at least text a few words to someone if they have sent repeated emails and texts? It just doesn't make sense.

 

I think the point is she isn't necessarily lying to you, but she is certainly avoiding contact with you. She may be avoiding contact with you because she doesn't want to lie to you, and she doesn't want the confrontation.

 

Reverse the circumstances. Would you ever treat her the way she is treating you? Would you not answer her texts, tell her you're really sick then not tell her you were ok again and let her think you are dead? Leave for a two week trip for Ireland without at least touching base with her?

 

Many many people pull a Houdini and sneak out the back door of relationships. I would try to get to the bottom of this and find out if she is OK... Call her parents or family to make sure she is OK. If she has left for Ireland without calling you, then i'd assume she is being very inconsiderate and not very interested in continuing a relationship with you.

 

I think you deserve better than being ignored... that is my point. She should feel the same way about you, and if she doesn't, then you should move on and find someone who does treat you with respect and consideration.

[donescobar2000]

If that's true......that's a damn shame.

 

I can't believe that someone that I was engaged to and just had a wedding planned with.....just over 4 months ago, would treat me like a one night stand.

 

That would be the lowest thing you could do.....

 

Be a woman and tell me the truth.

 

.......GOD

 

 

I hear you bro...trust me...I feel the same at times with my situation.

[EddieAdams]

Being ignored.......is just dumb.

 

I'm not a stalker, I've never done anything to her but be there for her.

 

I'm a good man who haa put up with this limbo land situation for 4 months....

 

.....and if she is trying to sneak out the back door......shame on her!

 

I diserve to be told that she "needs space" or "take some time to think" or "go our separate ways" .....anything but be ignored!

 

I wonder if this is a pattern that she has pulled before?

 

All I know is..............I should know by June 23rd if she's trying to sneak away without giving me a reason.

 

I want to give her some space......because if this is about space, and I then try to call her and bother her....then all I'm doing is making things worse and possibly get myself in trouble.....I'm not a stalker.

 

If you only respond to 1 of 3 emails and 2 of 5 text mesaages.....that says "Leave me alone" ...."Give me space"

 

I know she doesn't hate me.....I know when I have too many things going on in my life....i won't return phone calls of friends and family....

 

We will just have to see.....

 

If she needs to think without me being around, then I need to not be around.

 

At least she responded to me politely and gave me a nice email last week that said she was "fighting the good fight" and would call me, no matter if that's the truth.

 

The more I read into her email the more I think it was ment to say was, "Thanks for contacting me Eddie. I'm alive. Thank you for the nice email. I'm still feeling horribly and don't feel like talking to you. I still need more space and when I feel like I'm ready to talk to you, I'll call you."

 

That's what I think she "ment" to say.

[donescobar2000]

Yea man...just let it be...don't "stalk." That is something I never did in my situation. I pleaded in person when we went out and that was it. All I got from her was a bowl of confusion. If the other person is not making attempts to work out a situation sometimes you have to give up. I am at the point where if she comes around...she does...but I refuse to make any sort of arrangment to see her or make a date when she does not do the same. I feel people just need to be clear and to the point at times...then again everyone is not the same...and sometimes they are just confused which confuses YOU.

[BrokenDuc]

yes ignoring sux

it was my stubborness and ignoring her text,calls, msn after she asked for a break and i got mad that lead to her moving on to another guy

i regret it every day.....