Emotionally abusive men

[notanymore2012]

OMG you all just described my marriage to a T. My husband and I have been married almost 7 years and we have a 6 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. He has ALWAYS had a bad temper and been verbally and emotionally abusive. He has never hit me, but has pushed me, grabbed me, kicked a door in, and gotten kicked off a cruise ship for assault on another man I was talking to. He screams at me in front of the kids, calls me names, and flys off the handle at small things, then convinces me that it is all my fault. Mind you, I am headstrong, stubborn and not always easy to deal with myself, but I don't do anything to deserve what he does. It's affecting my kids as well. My daughter told me the other day she was afraid of him. It's so hard. He works hard, makes 70% of our household income, cooks, does laundry, irons, etc. On the outside, he is the perfect man. He's good looking, is mostly a good father, and when things are good, they are amazing. But like others has said; it's a game of cat and mouse. Things are great for a little while, and then BAM, he explodes, takes his wedding ring off, ignores me, I crawl to him and apologize even when it is not my fault at ALL, and he somewhat relunctantly agrees to give it another shot. I feel like I am a total screw up and feel guilty, and it happens over and over again. I took my wedding ring off this morning for the last time. I don't know how I am going to make this happen, as we have a house together, a mountain of debt, and I have no financial means to file for divorce or live without him. I have to figure something out, though. I can feel my spirit breaking little by little, and I am a very strong woman. It is affecting our kids' well being, and I am afraid it will turn physically violent in the near future.

[Losingitagain]

Sorry to hear this. Just plain bad luck, get up and leave right now, after all you´re not married to him / have kids with him. You´ve seen how it ends once, don´t wait another 10 years for a repeat. There´s good men out there, you deserve one. Good luck!

[unhappy2000]

My therapist told me yesterday that I just gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship. He was so sweet and loving I told her there was no way, so she asked me specific questions about our fights (I told her I fought a lot with him) she said it's classic emotional abuse. He would turn on a dime if he didn't like something and yell at me and accuse me of something that I was innocent of going so far as to say things like " I know how you are" and I would reply don't call me a **** to which he wouldn't deny that he would just say "oh i know how you are". He would make up a fight then leave (not officially breaking up) and I would have to chase him and then I would feel bad about something that I didn't even do!

 

It got to the point where I didn't want to even go out with my friends because he would get so upset by it and make arguments or text me the whole time or accuse me of things while I was gone. And of course my friends were all ****s so he didn't want me to hang out with them.

 

I got so tired of everything being awesome one second and the next bam like out of a clear blue sky he would fly off the handle and leave me. Wherever we were he would just leave me there alone, and I would have to figure out how to get home by myself. I would call for hours he would never pick up, I would go to his condo and sit outside his door begging for forgiveness (hadn't done anything?). Then he would finally answer me and he would blame me for it all.

[SavSad]

I feel like I am going to blow a gasket or worse.. I am in love with a man who made clear after our break up he was not with me anymore. I thought we'd grow apart to give ourselves time to heal and yet we still always exchanged I love yous and sweet things that gave me hope that maybe, just maybe he'd want to still be with me. Of course once he found his freedom he adored it, he could flirt with whoever he wanted. be with whoever he wanted, and get laid with whoever he wanted. It broke my heart but of course it was his right as we were no longer together. I was lost though because I wondered why he was able to get over me so quickly yet I was still only in love with him. Several several times throughout our relationship I tried to distance myself in hopes I could heal and get over him too but every time either I or him found a way to get me to come back. He'd act like I was so special, we even had a sexual relationship then he'd blow my bubble again by letting me know he'd met someone he was interested in or he was definitely lacking romantic feelings for me. It made no sense to me, he seemed so into me then he pulled away. It was like someone giving you a sip of water when you're so so thirsty and then just when you think they'll offer you a gallon they pull it away. Every time I have confronted him on this he says it's my own fault for coming back; that he never forced me to stay. He's right he didn't; but he knew and knows full well how much I love and care for him and he would say things like "why haven't you talked to me? Why are you avoiding me?" and he also once admitted he would feel abandoned if I left so I felt hopeless and trapped and still do in many ways. If I throw a tantrum and become so emotionally distraught I am crying and practically screaming, he makes me feel so guilty for it like "God grow up already and get over it" kindof thing. He does not understand how much it cuts me to the quick that he could do this to me.. and be into another woman and claim to love me a lot.. want to have a sexual relationship with me....and then when I say I feel like a piece of meat just go and tell me I am overreacting that I should know better.. but how can I know better when he wants me to say I am his "dirty *****" or something. I just feel like I will never be good enough for ANYONE. I was never beautiful enough for him, never smart enough, never anything enough. I ruined our relationship.... I feel like the best I can get are his table scraps he throws me every now and then and why bother trying to leave for the hundreth time.... it won't make any difference. He'll somehow get me to come back and then make me feel it's all my fault anyway. I am tempted to just end myself.. because I can't be enough for anyone... not even the man I've loved for so long. I've given so much of myself even after our break up, I feel like I have drained every ounce of my being into him.. and yet she gets to have all of him, his heart, his mind, his love.. and I get the sex and maybe a few scraps. I don't know who I am anymore.. even in my mind if I try to blame him I can't help but bring it back to myself since I was the reason we broke up in the first place.