Need a few opinions on this please

[diverp]

I broke up with my ex of a year and a half about 6 months ago. I started dating a few women about 2 months ago. Well, I met this one woman who I have dated a couple of times. We speak on the phone 3 or 4 times a week for hours. Just about ... life and fun stuff. She is fun to talk with. Well, our first date was just a meeting at one of the local clubs. She was very sexy and I was attracted to her and how she handled herself. She is a woman who is very opinionated and I like that. She has been divorced for about 2 years and has a 4 year old girl. Well, she asked me to her company Christmas party and I showed up there last Saturday. I had a blast. She was amazed that I had a good time and was able to fit in considering I knew nobody there except for her.

 

When the party was over, we kissed quite a bit and got pretty close. The party was at a local hotel and she had a room. Well, I think we both wanted to go up to her room, but I thought it was a good thing to hold off a little bit. Go out on another date or two and spend some more time talking to each other. As much as I wanted to stay with her, and she wasn't mad about me not staying I think, I went home that night alone.

 

Well, we have talked a few more times this week. We talked about some very small conversation and also about some bigger topics. On one hand, she is hard on herself about not being as good a person as she wants to be. I can tell from her personality that she can be very opinionated at times and that could rub some people the wrong way. I like it though. She is not out "looking" for a relationship and neither am I. I think we are both on the same page as far as wanting to enjoy the company and see where it goes. One time she will say that she isn't looking for anything, but if it happens, so be it. She will call me up quite often and we will talk for hours. When we see each other, we definitely have those moments when we look in each other eyes and we have already developed a closeness. We can sit there a hold each other and I can walk around with her and have my arm around her, etc.

 

 

I guess what I am wondering is if she is saying that she is not looking for anything serious now because of bad history with guys and being afraid of running into something bad. She obviously likes to be with me and see/talk with me. We are fairly intimate with each other. That just clicked fairly quickly. I never push her or anything. As far as I am concerned, pushing a relationship is bad and you are better off spending time together and seeing what happens. I am far from a sappy and clingy guy. If she wants to meet. Sure. If she wants to be alone this weekend, alright, that's fine too. It doesn't bother me. I am just trying to get some insight on what her thought process is. I am curious as to if she is looking for someone and just likes to give the impression that she isn't. I'm just curious all together.

 

Any feedback would be great. If you need more info, let me know. Thanks

[pessimisticguy]

Well from what you've put it seems like you guys did click quite well. She said shes not "looking" for a relationship but if it happens so be it so I would assume she's hinting that if you guys get close (which it seems you already are) that it could turn into something. Due to the times she may be trying to read you, you know, being around you, taking you to places to see how you are towards people because of the fact that she has a 4 yr. old and wants to make sure your a good role model incase it does turn into something serious. I think the route your taking with her right now is your best choice. Don't push her into it, take it slow, let her get a good feel for you. I mean obviously if shes calling you and talking for hours, going on dates with you, and being fairly intimate then shes considering being with you. I wouldn't worry about it too much, just stick to what your doing now and everything should start to open up.

Hope this helps.

Goodluck and let us know how it goes.

[diverp]

Thanks for the response. Yeah, I think I am at an age now when I am past the whole thinking I am in love with someone after having only known them for a short while. The best relaitonships are always the ones that are not pushed and are based on just liking the other's company. No stress or pressure.

 

Yeah, I think you may be right about her "evaluating me" to be cautious since she has a daughter. Hell, I would too. It is still nice to have a little female to male dictionary at times, but I can see that she likes being around me and likes the company. She asks me to call. She talks for hours. Now, she does seem a little.....skeptical or cautious (if that is the right term(s)).... about men in general. I can totally understand that since it appears she has been around her share of losers. I suppose it is only natural that she be cautious and say she is not looking for anything right off the bat. And like I said, I really am not either at this point in time mainly because I don't think searching for that works. It just happens when you are with some people. You still need to open yourself to being around enough reltaionship-possible women. But, I really don't think pushing is ever a good way to do things. Patience weedhopper

 

So, I suppose the wise thing is to keep the current philosophy going and just enjoy the time together and see how the relationship evolves. I was just a little curious as how many interpretations there can be when a woman says she doesn't want a "relationship" right away, yet obviously wants to spend that kind of time with you and talk to you for extended periods of time. Just curious what a woman things of this.

[The Morrigan]

I'd say it sounds like her experience has tempered optimism with a degree of caution - and also that she doesn't want to come accross as one of the stereotypical image of some divorcees who are "on the manhunt" so to speak. Like, if things led into a relationship - the option is open, BUT she's confident enough as a person not to feel she HAS to be in one, so it would be strictly because it was really wanted by both parties, and not because she felt less of a person as a single woman. With a child involved - it will make her want to be certain of a guy's intentions so she doesn't introduce someone into her life just to have said guy take off leaving hurt and confusion. Sounds like she's got a very healthy and well balanced view of herself in general, what she wants, and isn't either insecure (jump at whoever comes along) or paranoid (no way is she getting involved again) about relationships - which is probably the best outlook to have to explore where things are going. You're clicking well and at ease with each other - sounds like where you are is a good place to be!

[diverp]

Thanks again,

I really appreciate the input. You know. She definitely grew up in a smaller town around where I live and we have different backgrounds. I went to college and never really had much out of the ordinary (bad) go on in my life. However, she talks a little about her dad not even caring enough for Christmas to send her daughter a present of any kind. She talks about friends and relatives who are in relationships where the man or even the woman is abusive and they just never get out of the trouble. She is like the "advice friend" for these people. Just the number of other people out there with these horrible relationships seems amazing to me. I just never grew up around that. Now, I would assume that having grown up around that herself, she has definitely seen some of the worst of what men can be like. Actually, I take it as a compliment that she trusts me as she does and "gives herself" to the kind of relationsihp we have right now, despite what she has seen and described from her past.

 

I have been in relationships before where I felt like I was always judged by what previous men had done to the woman I was seeing. On one hand, I just felt it was not very fair to do that to me, but on the other hand, if I had seen some of these bad things or experienced them for myself with a bad partner like that, then I would probably be on the lookout for certain signs.

 

All I know is that I really do enjoy her company. We could talk for hours. We get along great when we go out. We have different backgrounds, but we totally understand each other. I think she appreciates the fact that I am not the kind of guy who is just fawning over her, but I like to have an EQUAL conversation with her.

 

One other thing I was curious about. She told me about some of her past relationships or non-relationships. She told me last night about this guy who was sending her flowers to her work after only a couple of weeks and how he was already saying he was in love with her. She said how much this drove her up the wall. That, I can understand as well. I also really dislike it when a girlfriend will start talk with the L word after only knowing each other a short time. You just don't know somebody that well until you have been with them for a while (at least that is what I think). She was just telling me about some of the things from past relationships that she hated. Now, do you think she would say these things to relay to me what she doesn't like? Do you think she would tell me these things to put up a strong front? Do you think she would tell me this because she is trying to feel out where I am coming from (or at least trying to confirm that)? Maybe I overanalyze this stuff, but I always think that in a conversation like that a woman doesn't say anything like that for no reason (just to make conversation). So I am curious how things like this are intended. I know that I agreed with a lot of the things she said she didn't like from past relationships. I agreed that being with someone who is always trying to be nice and agrees to everything is not all that attractive (at least to me). She seemed to like that I thought that way as well. Now, I have long since given up trying to be this super polite, always forgiving, perpetually sucking up kind of boyfriend. I didn't ever like it if I would become that way and I can see that it is not very attractive. I just assume now that if you are respectful, still speak your mind, and don't "hover" over her too much like you have no life of your own, then most women probably appreciate that more. I know I appreciate that more from a woman.

 

I'll let you know how things keep going. I was honestly a little skeptical about getting into a relationship right now because of how things had gone for this last year for me relationship-wise. And, her wanting to be people who just want to enjoy each other's company once in a while was actually something I really want as well for now. It would be very nice to develop something with her, but I really think the best thing in the long run is to keep doing what we are doing and just see if something develops.

 

Thanks again

[slider]

diverp,

 

Seems that your relationship is going somewhat well as far as I can see. One thing I'd like to point out. ALWAYS LET THE GIRL SUGGEST THAT THE TWO OF YOU MOVE ON TO THE NEXT LEVEL. Why? Because if you don't, you'll scare her away. Exude patience on this one. You're doing great by giving her space when she needs it!

 

Another thing, when she says that she's not ready for a relationship yet - she's telling you that she reserves the right to date others. Tell me diverp, what do you think she'll do if some Brad Pitt look-alike shows interest in her and wants a "serious relationship" as you say? That's right - she'll leave faster than you can ask why. So what do you do? DATE OTHERS!! Don't put all your eggs into one basket.