audrey28 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 hi....i have posted several times here at enotalone and i am ashamed to say the problems have not gone away for me. i'm in a bad relationship i have difficulty getting out of. i have been told time and again it won't get better and i should get out, but i really don't know where or how to begin. i am afraid of so many things. i know it's a bad relationship bec i feel like i'm walking on eggshells. i cannot freely express how i feel bec it will be misconstrued. when i talk about my feelings i am told i'm being selfish. i have felt a lot of pain and rejection.... Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 YOU NEED TO GET OUT AND FAST!! My ex did this back and forth to one another for 3 years. afew months it would be me walking on egg shells and then her afew months. it was sooooo unhealthy. Instead of being able to enojoy the relationship your scared of what mood the person will be in etc. You dont know where to begin on movin on?? Its easy! Just gather all of the emotions you feel and tell yourself you cant do this. Its your life, not his and you need to be happy even if that means without him! Everyone is afraid of starting over after a relationship split but would you rather keep feeling this way and wasting more of your time??? say you stick it out another few years and finally it ends, your going to look back and wonder where all that time went and wish you ended it years ago. Please im telling you from experiance. GET OUT!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 What stops you from leaving the relationship? Is your partner abusive? Are you financially dependent on him, or is it fear that you won't be able to find anyone else? Link to comment
audrey28 Posted May 30, 2008 Author Share Posted May 30, 2008 it's done.....now i just need the strength. i know i made the right decision. now i want to focus my energy on myself: 1. volunteer time to charity 2. join a gym 3. find a nice place 4. get a better job 5. go to the beach Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 it's done.....now i just need the strength. i know i made the right decision. now i want to focus my energy on myself: 1. volunteer time to charity 2. join a gym 3. find a nice place 4. get a better job 5. go to the beach Bravo for you!! Those are extremely good ideas. Do not allow anyone ever to steal your time. It's funny how many people are so indecisive wasting their time and the time of others...cr*p if you don't want to be with someone then end it...but no people like to drag it out, use others, play to many head games...glad these ex's have so much time to waste. Since I called it quits several months ago...my life has improved in many ways. I couldn't stay with a man I don't respect, admire nor trust...once the trust is gone it's over and no more going back EVER!!..those are the main reasons I broke up with my bf. I don't like weak men...big turn off...that doesn't mean I want a man who is mean spirited...just I don't want him to fall apart if there is a crisis or run to mommy.... He had better have warrior qualities and posses some house training...I am a very clean person and hate dirty messes. I am no maid or slave...so he had better clean up after himself. Yes, I highly recommend the gym...very, very good idea....I go around 5 days a week for 2 hours a day. Well my friend...I am getting kind of sleepy...had a very hard intense workout tonight. Another thing to do is start loving Ben Franklin...make that $$ and sock it away in some bank...you will be glad you did. Knowledge is Power, and Cash is King....remember that...!! Hope this helps you ....your friend dreamwarrior Peace be with you! Link to comment
audrey28 Posted June 1, 2008 Author Share Posted June 1, 2008 thanks dreamwarrior. it's only day 2 of being single and i think i am coping better than i expected. of course, i sometimes burst into tears and feel terribly lonely....but many parts of the day i do feel like my usual self. i do miss him and i check my email to see if he sent me something. i know it's better not to hear from him ever again, but i still miss him anyway. i also miss having something steady in my life, even if this steadiness is unhealthy. anyway i am just trying to go through each day at a time. i don't want to hang on to any illusions. Link to comment
SRufus Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 maybe it will get him to wake up and smell the coffee. Link to comment
shattered heart. Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Kudos to you for standing up for yourself, and as painful as it may be, doing the right thing.. Now just fill everyday with productive and positive aspects.. Link to comment
audrey28 Posted June 1, 2008 Author Share Posted June 1, 2008 thanks. it's a very hard struggle. right this minute, i am tempted to email him. but i know i shouldn't so i won't. Link to comment
shattered heart. Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Do a search on either this forum or the healing/divorced forum for Super dave's NC contact challenge thread..Read it well and plan accordingly.. Link to comment
zeevegal Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I am glad you left. It is the right thing to do. I am giving my own situation a second glance. Every time I see something wrong and try to explain my feelings, I end up being the blame. Every time it is my fault. Every time I should or could have done something better to make him behave differently. One day (hopefully sooner than later) I will either get enough courage like you or he will act right. You have inspired me! Great I will make a list now. Link to comment
undercover007 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Audrey thats great you were able to get out of it. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship as well.. infact he just broke up with me last night. He's broken up with numerous times.. and each time hurts just as bad as it did the first time. I've cried, begged, and plead to give me another chance but he said this was my last chance i blew it. He was such a selfish person, yet i still love him and want to be with him I miss him so much. Link to comment
audrey28 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 staying firm with the decision is not easy....i would say it's a constant struggle more than anything. every so often, i would think....maybe it could still work....maybe if we talked it over we would realize other things....maybe this maybe that. i stop myself from doing anything stupid by thinking of these things: 1. how many times have we broken up only to get back together and be in the same situation again? 2. whenever i felt rejected of hurt, did i feel that we were part of a team trying to work things out or did it feel like him against me? 3. i visualize the little girl that i used to be. if i were to go back in time, would i have the heart to tell her i put her through so much pain and rejection simply by staying in the relationship? would i love her enough to protect her from the pain? i realize there is no one else who would set the boundaries but myself. if i allow myself to be in that situation again, then i am more to blame than anybody. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Audrey, big up to you for taking the first steps on the road to your new HAPPY life your doing great, youve done well to even get this far so remember that. Take baby steps with the NC, take it hour by hour rather than day by day, do anything you pssibly can to stop yoyrself contacting but at the same time allow yourself to "feel" if you need to cry, cry ad allow yourself to be angry-let it all out cos it does help. Find that strength thatyou know is inside, its still there its just been buried it away thats all, visualise that strong, independent person that you want to be and take steps to become her....you WILL do it, i did! Link to comment
audrey28 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 thank you for your kind words, starlight. Link to comment
audrey28 Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 i have been coping relatively well.....but i have a slight urge to get in touch with him. fortunately, it's not an obsessive urge....it's more that i really miss him now and it's dawning on me that from this point onwards, we're on the path to become strangers. i have been feeling numb the past few days....numb for most part of the day, and angry in pain during the mornings and evenings. it's really difficult and i just wish i could fast forward the time so i would be ok again. i also feel like a failure. i'm 29 and single again while many of my friends are married or getting married. i know this is the right decision but i feel kind of like a loser right now.... Link to comment
starlight40 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 A failure you are not audrey.....Im 28 and single again and ive said those exact words but i see it as its better to be single and giving yourself the chance to be truly happy one day than to stay in a bad relationship. I think your strong for even getting as far as you have. 29 is not old and gives you plenty time to start over. One day we will both look back on this when we are happy and feel like winners. I still get pain mornings and evenings but i know that it will subside with time and its only a temporary feeling, you know that too. Stay strong ok, il be thinking of you xx Link to comment
audrey28 Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 thanks starlight...your words are encouraging. i guess it just sucks that this has to be the way to deal with it. someone was talking to me today and i burst into tears. every morning, i am tempted to stay in bed and not go to work....but i end up going bec i feel i will be more depressed if i stayed home. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Ive felt like that, not wanting to get out of bed to face the day, that sinking feeling in your stomach when you wake up and remember, im still getting it too but it wont last forever. The crying thing is completley normal. I wish we could by a fast forward pill so that all theses horrible feelings can just go away but i guess its how you learn isnt it, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger and thats what we will be, stronger. You seem a really together girl from your posts and sure you are going to be fine, youve done the right thing for yourself xx Link to comment
audrey28 Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 thank you starlight. i am sure you will be alright too. i actually find some strength in posting here...knowing that if i stepped outside of myself, the right thing to do would come easily...even if the right thing to do does not feel good. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 i think in most cases the easiest thing is not the right thing, in all walks of life Link to comment
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