Alright, I have a few months...

[MattW]

First off, this post is probably gonna be pretty lengthy, so, just letting you know that, heh. Let me get the basics out of the way, first; I'm 19, I've been out of high school for a year, held off on college this past year (because of some family/ money issues that needed to be resolved; that's a whole other story, though), but I'm set to start college in the fall. My problem? Well, I have a very shy nature, I have fairly low confidence, I've never really dated a girl, etc., and I want to work those things out as best I can before I start school in a few months. Thing is, I just don't know how to resolve my issues, and that's why I'm making this topic, so you guys can maybe help me out a bit. Now I'll go into more detail about my issues, so, uh... grab a snack, take a seat, and prepare for a long read, heh.

 

I think the biggest reason my confidence/ self-esteem is so low is because of my experience in high school; naturally, I was shy and nervous going in, because I didn't know anyone. Early on, I befriended a group of guys, and I was just getting ready to open up, and suddenly they turned on me. I became their "whipping boy", and they did nothing but put me down for every little thing, telling me I wasn't good enough for girls, or anyone, for that matter. They tried to embarrass and humiliate me every chance they got. And I wanted so bad to break away from them, but it was so hard; not only were they nearly "stalking" me during school hours, but I was unlucky enough to share many of the same classes and lunch periods with them. I just couldn't get away... High school was hell for me.

 

After graduating, I was finally able to pull away from them a bit. I started working, but I didn't really socialize with my co-workers, or break out of that shell, simply because those guys from high school put me down so bad (and for so long; that was about four years of "abuse" from them). I really DID feel "not good enough". Not too long ago, I lost that job, and I've been searching for a new one (I've had to rely on eBay as a source of income lol), but I haven't had much luck... So, I STILL don't even have "friends", per se. Lately, I've been taking a look back on my bad experiences, and trying to pull myself out of that "hole". I don't think I'm as bad off as I was in high school, in terms of feeling down about myself, but I still can't seem to let some issues go, and break out of this whole "shy" character.

 

One of my major issues is definitely my height. I'm 5'2", maybe 5'3", and that's ALWAYS been one of the things I took a lot of flak for from my peers. I've also always thought it's probably been a big factor in me not getting much attention from the opposite sex; everyone always tells me "Oh, there's plenty of girls out there that are your height, or shorter even", but nearly every girl I've met has had at least an inch on me. The only girls I've met that are my height or shorter are old enough to be my mother or grandmother. @_@ To be honest, I don't care if a girl is taller than me; hell, I'd date a girl taller than me, I don't care. But I know many girls like a guy that's big and tall, etc., rather than some one similar to their height (or even shorter).

 

Aside from that, I don't really have many issues with how I look, physically. I mean, I don't think I look that good, I think if I tried harder, I could look better; but I don't really mind the way I look, ya know? 'Course, I've never really been told I "look good", so... Er, well, recently some girl was writing to me on a social networking site, and within the conversation we were having, she said that (based on my pictures) she thought I was "really hot". That was kinda nice to hear, but shortly after that, I stopped hearing from her. Ah well.

 

And in terms of my personality, I think that (if it weren't for the shyness) I have a pretty good personality. I joke around a lot, and I really think I have a flirtacious/ "playful" side, I just can't figure out how to let that side of me out. I should mention that, in high school, I didn't really have a problem opening up a little bit more to girls; I was friendly with a few of them, but wasn't particularly romantically interested in any of them (nor were they, with me).

 

So, I really want to work out these issues as best I can before I start college. I don't WANT to be the way I am; I want to have a social life, I want to meet people, I want to make friends, and I'd really love to meet girls and date, etc. I just don't know how to go about working this kind of stuff out, ya know? Hopefully you guys can give me some good input and help me out, here.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

High school is a very insulated place. Once you get to college you will meet a whole new group of people and you will have classes and interests in common. I think there are a lot of people who are picked on in high school who really blossom once out of that environment. As I mentioned to you before, I think moving away to college might help you develop "survival skills" which will bring you out of your shell. You are only 19 so don't be so hard on yourself. I have found that the kids in high school who were so popular are usually the ones who go nowhere in life.

[MattW]

High school is a very insulated place. Once you get to college you will meet a whole new group of people and you will have classes and interests in common. I think there are a lot of people who are picked on in high school who really blossom once out of that environment.

 

Heh, hopefully I'll be one of those people. ^_^ Just wish I had the confidence to really make it happen for myself.

 

I have found that the kids in high school who were so popular are usually the ones who go nowhere in life.

 

Yeah, those guys I hung around with back then aren't doing anything with their lives, heh... None of them went to college, one works at a gas station, and two of them think they'll make it big as rappers... @_@ 'Course, they weren't really "popular" in high school, and I knew from the minute I met them that they probably wouldn't end up with great careers, and all that.

 

As I mentioned to you before, I think moving away to college might help you develop "survival skills" which will bring you out of your shell. You are only 19 so don't be so hard on yourself.

 

Well, the thing about that is, another "issue" I have to work out is trust. The idea of being roommates with a total stranger is not exactly the most appealing thing to me, at the moment, considering my past experiences. I know everyone says college is different, and people are more grown up, etc., but I just can't bring myself to put that much trust into some one I don't know, to live with them. Now, if I was good friends with some one, I'd be comfortable with living with them; I'd even be more comfortable living in my own place (without a roommate) than rooming with a complete stranger.

 

For a time I was only 17 years old and going to a community college, I'm supposed to be in my senior year of high school. Anyways I turned 18 now over the winter and my spring term is almost over. One thing I will say as a shy guy is that college it a TOTAL different ballgame than high school.

 

High school = teenagers.

 

College = Adults...hopefully that is the case lol!

 

I will say you'll probably have better luck dating then I have had/have going into college. Simply because you are older than I am and many of the ladies are in their 20's. The point I'm trying to make is that your hellish high school experience can be thrown out the window if you let it too because college is where you start fresh...different building, different teachers, different students, different ok you get the picture.

 

Thanks for the encouraging words. (b'-')b But, like I first said to Crazyaboutdogs, if I can't work out my insecurities and confidence problems, it probably won't matter how different college is than high school.