I can't stop feeling so guilty!

[jd21]

My ex broke up with me about 2 months ago. We had been dating for over 2 and a half years. We are young - 19 and 20 and he gave me two reasons for the break up - 1. he needs to know he can be independent and doesn't want us to regret not ever being single in college. He says if we do get back together we won't resent each other. Although I agree we're both young and he was my first bf, I love him too much to risk losing him over enjoying the single life in college. I care more about being with him than being single but he obviously doesn't agree. Doesn't he think that if we do get back together I'll resent him for questioning our relationship? 2. He said we were starting to fight too much. This is where the guilty feelings come in. I have learned so much about myself and about our relationship looking back at it in the 2 months since we've been apart. I think of situations and realize how I could have acted better. I tend to be somewhat of a high strung person and he is pretty laid back. At first we balanced each other out but towards the end we started to fight over stupid things. I feel like I took him and our relationship for granted and I got too secure with it. We talked about the future all the time and the breakup wa a shock to me. If I could go back I would do so many things differently. I wrote him a long letter explaining to him how I felt and how we could fix the problems in our relationsip. I'm willing to at least try but he seems pretty sure that this is the right thing for us. This is so hard to get over because I have such feelings of guilt. He wasn't perfect either and he tells me that it's not just my fault, that we both fell into bad habits. I still can't help feeling that I let our relationship slip away. If I had known then what I knew now I know we'd still be so happy together. Does anyone have any advice to help me stop feeling this way?

[StarStainedSoir]

humm.........in my opinion, i believe that he may just need some time apart. look and see how much you have grown to realize how petty little fights were and how you think that you look the relationship for granted? maybe he just needed to do the same. men, well men use different excuses to rectify their feelings. sometimes they will use petty excuses to hide their real feelings. are you in college with him now? do you still communicate? how is the rel doing now if so?

[jd21]

Thank you for the advice, it's very helpful. We both go away to college but they're close by - about 15 minutes away from each other. That's what is so hard too - at home, we live only a few blocks from each other and we're also close by at school. So the chances of bumping into him are very high. We have seen each other once since it happened. I went over his house to give him back his things. It felt great to see him. We talked about what we've been doing and it felt like old times. It was a little awkward because there are definitely still feelings there. I'm positive I have them and he said he does too. When I left him we hugged and he said he wishes it could be more than that. I don't understand, it almost feels as if he's forcing himself to feel a certain way. This was about 2 weeks ago and we left off saying we'd keep in touch and that maybe we could do something as friends over Christmas break. I've been thinking about it though and I don't know if I could do it. We want different things and by seeing him all the feelings I have for him come back and it hurts more.