jessie27407 Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Let me start off by saying that i have a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend BUT we have issues. Well, only one issue really, we don't have sex anymore! We have been together 2 1/2 years. We officially moved in together after 6 months and thats when it started to decrease. At the same time, his viewing of internet porn increased. I am 25 and he is 28 and I thought at first it might be because he is not in his sexual peak anymore? Then I thought it was because he is not attracted to me anymore and now I don't know what to think! The last time we had sex was in MAY!!! That is a long time for a vivacious 25 year old! We do still engage in foreplay but mostly satisfying me not him. I think he does it just to keep me quiet. I have tried to talk to him about it a lot and i always get the same response "i don't know". I have told him how it makes me feel and that i don't want to spend my whole life feeling unsatisfied but nothing changes. He does not respond to talking anymore. Like I said before, we have a wonderful relationship. This is the only issue we have. He says our relationship should not revolve around sex?! I m just confused. Should I not be worried about this? I need advice about what it might be or what do I do?...I've tried it all, spicing things up, talking, playing hard to get, ect...nothing works! Link to comment
activelife81 Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 heres a couple reasons i can think of that a guy would not have sex with the girl he continues to have a relationship with for over 2 years...they are just ideas... 1. afraid of pregnancy and/or the responsibility of children 2. stressed out about something big such as money problems/debt, career, spiritual confusion (i've noticed in my own life that increased stress leads to decreased sexual desire) Link to comment
jessie27407 Posted December 17, 2003 Author Share Posted December 17, 2003 I know he is stressed out. He also says he feels really bad about himself (we both have gained weight in the last year). I think he is also stressing because he knows that I am wanting to get married. Maybe those play a part but since MAY????!!! Link to comment
Mar Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I've experienced the same problem with my fiance, and he has several reasons for having a low sex drive. One, he knows he has a low serotonin level, which apparently causes sexual stimulation. Two, he's gone through two divorces, one of which his ex stated quite clearly that he didn't satisfy her enough, placing that much more pressure on him. Thirdly, he's afraid of having children, since we're not in a position to have any, and I have NO desire for any. What I did was to evaluate the relationship as a whole, but more importantly, TALK to him about it. Ask your guy what his issues are about sex, and what can be done to improve your sex life. A lot of it stems from insecurity in pleasing your partner/having them leave regardless, which I've been working on. Truth is, this is a very delicate topic to discuss.....any mention of it is a red flag that you're not satisfied, and are thereforeeee thinking of cheating/leaving your partner. NOT SO. I had to very gently and matter-of-factly discuss this and explain that I was in it for the long run, and that I valued every other aspect of our relationship too much to throw it away over lack of sex, and maturely discuss different means of getting help. There are several reasons why your boyfriend may not be that sexually active: lack of sexual appetite due to stress/pressure, insecurity, performance anxiety, or simple lack of desire. But ALL OF THESE CAN BE FIXED. There's no reason why he can't seek help with this and work on improving it, especially if he's feeling depression/frustration over it as well. Porn is an easy way out-my fiance did/does the same, watches a lot of porn. I understand it and accept it (grudgingly) and he knows I'm not threatened by it. But you really need to talk to your guy and try to figure out where this lack of sex stems from, and what he feels about it. Commiseration and understanding go a LONG way in this situation, so your guy doesn't feel threatened by his lack of performance. Just let him know that, above all else, you love him for HIM, and are willing to do anything within your power to help him with this, and that it's a common problem, he's not alone in this! Offer to go to counselling with him, or to research meds he can take to stimulate his sex drive, etc. But do NOT put pressure on him to perform, that's like the kiss of death on an already flagging sex life...lol Mar Link to comment
Ugottabejokin Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Ahh...been there...done that... When I was with my wife, we were down to twice a year...and here's why.. It was frickin' work!! not fun.. There was all the performance..the wining dineing...DARN that was alot of work to accomplish what 2 minutes of porn got done. Try this...just corner him...drop to your kness...and get it DONE!! (I don't think I need to elaborate). Then every once in a while..JUST DO HIM!! I am with a girl now that does this. I know that sex is going to be just GOOD...no garbage or headaches. And guess what? Now it's 4-6 times a week!! We've been at it for 10 years!! OR...the two of you are not compatable...sux but true somtimes...move on... Link to comment
simulacra Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 Is there a possibility that he might be having some health issues that he is embarrassed to bring up with you? Link to comment
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