First date...does she see me as just a friend?

[Yates33]

I will try to be brief, but I need to give out all the details.

 

I got to talking to a girl online about a week ago. We quickly exchanged numbers and set a double date up for tonight. My cousin and I drove out to her town, only to find out her friend couldn't make it, so it ended up being awkward with me and her and my cousin riding along. She suggested a nightclub around her way; I reluctantly agreed but when we got there I really got a gut feeling that this wasn't a good idea, so we ended up going back to my town to a hookah lounge (with my cousin along). Here's the thing; I got completely mixed messages from her.

 

Negative Messages:

-She was quiet alot and had a closed bodylanguage.

-She didn't ask me anything about myself except for my last name and to look at my phone.

-When we dropped her off, she left the car pretty fast.

-She barely touched me.

-When I was paying the bill, she offered and I refused and she said "when I go out with friends we always split the bill"

 

Positive

-I sensed all of this and began to play my words and open her up, which she did...we started flirting spontaenously and her smiles and laughters came out more.

-She touched me a couple of times.

-I asked her if I found a good place for dancing (she likes to dance) will she come with me and she said "of course, if you invite me"

-We had some alone time in the car while waiting for my cousin and we were flirting.

-She talked about her friends and how they have "boyfriends" (dont know if thats that positive)

-She agreed to go out again.

 

I just got home and she had texted me, it said "thanks, u guys were nice =p " .... U GUYS??? NICE???

 

Basically, this girl didn't really give me any signals I am use to.....except for the occasional flirting and agreeing to go out again and continuously mentioning "her friends have boyfriends"

 

What do you guys think about this?

[Pegasus]

What do you guys think about this?

 

Well, you have a new friend. On the other hand, it's a sort of test to get a reaction from you.

[CandyKins]

I just got home and she had texted me, it said "thanks, u guys were nice =p " .... U GUYS??? NICE???

Haha!

 

You know, I don't think you should worry too much about it. You met her on the internet and meeting from the internet can be a little awkward.

 

If she's interested in you or just sees you as a friend. I don't think any of 'em. I think she's beginning to get use to you. That's nothing bad though.

 

I suggest you get to know her and stay friends for a while. Maybe next time instead of a date you and her can go out to an outing tagging along her friends. Go to a concert, have lunch at the park or something.

[Yates33]

Well, you have a new friend. On the other hand, it's a sort of test to get a reaction from you.

 

what?

 

Haha!

 

You know, I don't think you should worry too much about it. You met her on the internet and meeting from the internet can be a little awkward.

 

If she's interested in you or just sees you as a friend. I don't think any of 'em. I think she's beginning to get use to you. That's nothing bad though.

 

I suggest you get to know her and stay friends for a while. Maybe next time instead of a date you and her can go out to an outing tagging along her friends. Go to a concert, have lunch at the park or something.

 

What do you mean it's not either shes into me romantically or as a friend..it has to be one or the other. what do you mean, "getting use to" ?

[Pegasus]

what?

 

Sometimes they do that to get some sort of reaction from you to see if you like them more than friend. It's a standard test, nothing new. There's just one way to find out - ask her for a real date (not clubbing) and you'll know all you need to know.

[S agapo]

With all respect, what do u expect from your first date? To be all over eachother? or to just get to know one another at a better pace?

 

IF you are gonna see eachother again and have arranged this then great. U have to become friends first if u want something more serious in the future, that way u gain trust from eachother from the start!

Just enjoy getting to know her and soon you will know what you both want from this. But right now you have just met, and need to start a friendship foundation.

[Brightest Dark]

She may have been shy. I met a great guy a few days ago and we didn't flirt or anything at all... even though I really liked him. I think sometimes we are scared of coming accross too keen or crazy, so we don't give away too much.

[Yates33]

She may have been shy. I met a great guy a few days ago and we didn't flirt or anything at all... even though I really liked him. I think sometimes we are scared of coming accross too keen or crazy, so we don't give away too much.

 

This may be a possibility...but I don't know. I think the best way is really to ask her for a date that does not include clubbing, but it seems that's all she likes to do on the weekends!

 

With all respect, what do u expect from your first date? To be all over eachother? or to just get to know one another at a better pace?

 

IF you are gonna see eachother again and have arranged this then great. U have to become friends first if u want something more serious in the future, that way u gain trust from eachother from the start!

Just enjoy getting to know her and soon you will know what you both want from this. But right now you have just met, and need to start a friendship foundation.

 

Gemini, thanks for your response. But I would have to say I disagree. Once a girl sees you as a friend, that's what you will remain. I am trying to date this girl, not find a new friend. And I do not expect us to be all over each other on the first date, but I do expect signs. However, you may be right...maybe its that she just has a different pace.

[servedcold]

No more group dates, it's one piece of dating guru advice that is absolutely true, really spoils the possibility of attraction forming, just do one on one.

 

Who knows where she is, ask her out for something next week and you will have your answer then.

[Yates33]

No more group dates, it's one piece of dating guru advice that is absolutely true, really spoils the possibility of attraction forming, just do one on one.

 

Who knows where she is, ask her out for something next week and you will have your answer then.

 

I agree, group dates in the beginning should be a no-no for the most part. Actually, we already agreed to go out this saturday, something SHE INITIATED. Also, today she texted me just saying hi...I am beginning to think (and hope) that alot of the "bad" signs I saw were just her way of acting when first meeting someone coupled with the fact that my cousin was tagging along and she met me off the internet, she did say herself that she was "a bit scared" and even showed me how she brought pepper spray which I joked on her alot for. lol

 

I am just going to ride this and take it easy, not expect anything and hope for the best.

 

Thanks for the responses.

[ghost69]

i don't think she wants anything further. especially when you feel like there were no signals.

[servedcold]

Eh, woman meets man online. One week later, she is in a car with -two- almost total strangers going out. Sending the wrong signals in such a situation can get a girl raped. Even the most head over heels, attracted girl would probably be reserved and cautious in this situation. Bet her family and friends would kick her ass if they knew she did something like that.

 

Again, you will know when you get alone time with her on the next date.

[Yates33]

Eh, woman meets man online. One week later, she is in a car with -two- almost total strangers going out. Sending the wrong signals in such a situation can get a girl raped. Even the most head over heels, attracted girl would probably be reserved and cautious in this situation. Bet her family and friends would kick her ass if they knew she did something like that.

 

Again, you will know when you get alone time with her on the next date.

 

Yes, that is exactly what I thought. It makes much more sense. Two strangers taking her out from the internet. That and the fact that she accepted the second date she initiated for this upcoming weekend. A little problem is that she doesn't live FAR...but one definetely needs a car to get there and pick her up and my car right now is having some problems, probably for another week....so since she likes to dance, I told her I would take her out to dance....this of course, will entail once again, going on a double date kind of deal....I mean it really is my only option since I dont have my car and need someone to go....borrowing a car is out of the options.....

 

So I told my best friend to get a date and lets go out dancing so he can drive.......what do you guys think?

[servedcold]

If he's a reaaaaal good friend, he will be an asset on the date. If he is like most of my friends, he will be a liability. Plan for this one way or the other. Nothing wrong with the double date, as you don't have much of a choice, but try to get your car fixed so you can spend time alone with her.

[volpe]

I agree with the other posts about her probable nervousness because of the circumstances. I personally do not warm up to people right away (if I do, it's probably because I see them as a friend! the irony!) So yeah, it sounds fine to me.

 

Just wanted to make a correction.

 

Since she doesn't know you she can't possibly see you as just a friend.

 

It's either she is interested in getting to know you or she found you met the "exclusion criteria".

 

I agree the double date thing can be more awkward. I've done that myself... but it's weird because there are other people observing how we interact and that makes me uncomfortable.