It's killing me.

[DjSystemz]

I have finally found the reason why I am always paranoid all the time. IM JEALOUS ! This is the root of all my feelings and emotions. And what is bad is that I can't control them.

 

I have been dating this beautiful girl for about a month now. I am her first boyfriend and we are really happy together. Before I got together with her, my best friend liked her more than a friend. But in the end she ended up liking me and we started dating. He was depressed and told me about it a couple days later. We are still best friends and we still hang out all the time.

 

But now since i've been with her, I have figured out the most evil thing on the internet. Myspace. I am on it all the time, checking her messages, checking her comments, checking her status, checking her moods. And im so paranoid that she will start liking someone else, and leave me. I have told her how i felt about her liking someone else and she assures me that it wont happen because she loves me to death. But there is always this doubt in my mind that she will. And I have no reason not to trust her, she hasn't done anything to lose my trust. I dunno whats wrong with me.

 

I get jealous when she is hanging out with other guys on her street, i get jealous or worried when she doesn't message me on myspace, i get jealous when i don't get a phone call, i get jealous when someone is commenting her nonstop on myspace, i get jealous over everything!

 

And it's only been a month. I need some help please to help cope with this nasty habit i have. Because I can't imagine me still with her months from now, and me still being jealous over these things.

[CynicalGuitarist]

not to sound like a butthole... but let's speak hypothetically...

 

what if, in fact, she WAS cheating on you or ended up telling you that you weren't good enough? How would you take it? Would you be depressed because she's not "yours", or would you love her enough to realize that she's happier with somebody else, as defeatist as it sounds. I've never had a girlfriend in my life, and it hurts like all hell when I've been rejected (try: borderline functional) but as morose and somber as I become, I at least hope that the girl I feel for is happy no matter what, as pathetic as it sounds.

 

I'm no Green Day fan, but Billie Joe had a point when he sang "you can't go forcing something if it's just not right."

 

Maybe a part of holding on is letting go?

 

Just a thought.

[Angel_baby]

First off what you are doing now will have her running in the other direction. It is only a matter of time before she notices how clingy and jealous you are.

 

Take control of it now. You have only been going out for a month. Let the trust for each other build for one another.

So what if she was talking to one of her guy friends. She is with you, not him.

 

Stay away from Myspace. I have found that sight to do more harm then any good.

 

All in all, just relax a bit more. You two can't go on further in this relationship if every move she makes is going to be second guessed and over analyzed by you. Allow this relationship to possibly grow into something more by not being so clingy.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Think about it this way.

 

If she cheats. GOOD RIDDANCE. better to know now than later. You can't stop a person from cheating by being "protective". In the end it is a bunch of wasted effort.

 

If she doesn't, you know she's keeper.

 

No need to fret, dude.

[DjSystemz]

Cynical, to answer you're question honestly, i would be depressed and devestated if she dumped me for someone else. I wouldn't be happy for her if she found someone else. But funny thing is that all this jealousy and paranoia shouldn't really be happening with me when im with her because she has to be the most honest person i know. Anything that happens she tells me. I trust her with everything i have, but i seem to still be jealous.

 

And Angel, you are so right. She is with me and nobody else, i shouldn't care who she talks to, but i do. I think it's because my past two relationships have gone sour because she was talking to another guy and dumped me for him . I guess im just still scared that it will happen to me a third time.

 

Myspace is really the only way her and I can communicate. She has no cell phone due to personal issues with her mother so myspace and house phone sometimes are the only way. I don't want to be clingy and i don't want her to dump me because of my paranoia and jealousy. Maybe i need to lay off the myspace more and relax

[Angel_baby]

If she is the most honest person you know and you trust her.... You said it right there.

 

Yeah past relationships you have been hurt from but you need to try to keep that in the past because that is what it is. She is the now and present. If you keep your way of thinking "what if" then you aren't going to be happy and relaxed in this relationship.

 

She isn't your past ex's. She is an entirely different person.

 

TRUST Is such a big thing when it comes to having a relationship. It is still a fairly new relationship. Give everything space to grow an develop. Don't extinguish it before it has a chance.

 

It is hard to ease up on it but if you really care about this girl then it is best to show that you trust her. Jealousy is a BIG turn off.

 

How about e-mail or a instant messenger? Something else while you are trying to get a better handle on the jealousy issue.

[DjSystemz]

We do have instant messanger but its she doesnt like being on it because her mother gets paranoid about it. Myspace is different because she can always close the window out and say she was doing something else.

 

Yeah you are right. She is an entirely different person. And if i keep this up I won't enjoy the magic of a relationship. And what is so funny is that everyone else that has relationship problems, they come to me for the best advise. But when im in one and im trying to figure things out, i just cant do it for some reason. Maybe thats why I come here. Trust is a huge key in any relationship is what i say. And jealousy is a big turn off? I had no clue

[CaptainNapalm]

Dude you really have to work on that because it will get worse if you don't and cause you a great deal of unnecessary stress in your life. Your jelousy is most likely caused by your own insecurities. Find out what those are and fix them and that should help alot. Keep in mind that there are many relationships that get torn apart by jelousy and for god's sake it's only been one month, how can you be so jelous? If you can't resolve this problem alone then get help, it will be worth it. Good luck!

[Bunney]

Let's be honest, there is ALWAYS a chance that she will start liking someone else. The chance is there in every single relationship. That doesn't mean you should worry about that all day long. It's the same as dying - every day there is the chance that we get hit by a car, get into a deadly accident, etc, but do we go around worrying about it and thinking "I hope I won't die today!" all the time, or prayìng every morning "Please God let this not be my last day"? The chance is there, but the fact is that we can't do anything about it, it is out of our control so we just let things take its natural course.

 

Your clingyness and jealousy is going to drive her away, I promise you this. Only one month in and you're already being like this?

 

Also, so what if she leaves you for someone else? You think she's the only girl for you out there? If she leaves you, or cheats on you, then what you do is MOVE ON and forget about her because then she obviously isn't worth your time. Seriously, stop obsessing. Have some trust in her.

[bar35]

I looked through this your thread and noticed a couple of things here, first and foremost is that you would be best off figuring out how to handle the jealousy issue.

 

It was Angel who said that you have to stop the myspace thing. I went through that too and when I stopped I felt much better. I realize that it is the only way that the two of you are communicating, but you gotta figure out how to at least leave the comment sections, and the blog sections alone for a while. Because if she does catch a whiff of these feelings you are gonna be sunk.

 

Another thing that I noticed is that people here are saying "hey she may meet someone else," but according to that logic YOU might meet someone else. If she is still looking for someone and stringing you along then that just sux, but I doubt it, unless you are doing the same thing.

 

If you can't be genuinely confident in yourself then at least pretend to be, that is a much more attractive quality in a person. The reason is that confidence is powerful, and power is attractive. Concentrate on yourself, and what you need to achieve, and that is the essense of your power. If you do that, she will see that she is not the center of your universe & she will respect you. If you raise her up, and lay around worrying about her, then she will crush you, almost by instinct. Workout. Study. Be strong. Be affectionate. These are the ways to gut jealousy.

 

good luck my friend.

[DjSystemz]

Thank you guys for all of you're support. Just an update. I did stop obsessing over Myspace so much. I was on it maybe every 2 or 3 days. Then around two weeks after I was doing good,she actually made me delete it for her because her mother was going through her computer and she is not allowed to have one. So I had to delete it quick. She says shes not going to make another one.

 

I have been doing really well with my jealousy issue. I don't worry about her anymore as much as I use to. I go out and do things with my friends and go to the gym and hang out with my family sometimes. This is when we can't hang out.

 

Today she went to Busch Gardens with some of her friends on her street all day. I did worry sometimes while she was there, but then it quickly went away. So I'm feeling much better thanks to you're guys advice. Thank you so much.