Called a <> at work

[froufrou]

What's the best way to earn money quickly ? Get a job in a bar, I thought.

 

Only, I didn't bargain on how I was going to be treated when the clients got drunk throughout the evening. I am pretty shy so when drunk people lear at me and ask how much I charge, or call me stupid because I can't exchange witty banter with them (I'm not very witty, really, but so what?) ... it breaks my heart.

 

It's night-time, no one's around, I feel pretty sad and alone. And really small.

 

I thought to myself: it's a job that pays regularly, the bar is close to my home so I don't have to walk far before I'm asleep, the staff are fairly nice. Then I thought: how many more insults can I endure before I have 0% confidence in myself. After being called "stupid" I smashed two glasses and my hands trembled terribly. Insults really do affect me.

 

Should I leave this job ? Or should I face my demons ?

[deviousj420]

if your not happy, then get outa there! Fast money comes with a price... nuthins that simple in life ya kno.. - Do what makes you happy, and if this job isnt doing that 4 you, then find sumthin else

[NoPainNoGain]

Tryin to get paid the right way

But somehow the right way dont pay

[Samedy]

After being called "stupid" I smashed two glasses and my hands trembled terribly. Insults really do affect me.

 

I think this might be a good indicator that you are well over your head. You don't want to snap and end up throwing those glasses at the offending customer (no matter how much they deserve it).

 

Before quitting, you could ask the manager if there are any afternoon shifts available. I would think that the afternoon crowd might be a little less offensive.

[Lucy__lou]

I'm all for facing your demons and being strong if it's a possibility but I have no advice on how you might do that. And I know from experience that when a job has a damaging effect on your self esteem then getting out sooner than later is worth it if you possibly can.

 

In the mean time, remember that it's the bar tender's job to put patrons in their place and they'll respect you for it.

I don't know if this is appropriate, but could you say to the people who are rude 'if you're going to be rude then I'm not going to serve you.' if your boss has issue with it then maybe that's a sign that the job description is 'bar tender/ punching bag with no agency.' and then I guess you know it's a lost cause. A lot of places, bars, cafes etc have a 'customer is always right' approach, but if you've ever been to one of the places where the staff are the boss, you'll see the difference is a positive one, where the customers are respectful and actually appreciate that the staff have dignity and don't put up with rubbish. Can you try to be stronger? I don't mean a thick skinned punching bag, but a warm yet strict bar tender who doesn't put up with nonsense, who rules the bar. That's what you need I think.

[sti_2004]

from what i've figured out the only way to get past your anxietys is to confront them.

 

I dont want to recommend someone go through hell but sweeping your fears under the carpet will just postpone the bs.

 

So i dont know....why did i hit reply...

 

 

best of luck though.

[froufrou]

You know what, I want to face my demons. I was bullied and bullied at school for looking different, sounding different and not really ever having good comebacks to deter people from hassling me.

 

Put yourself in my shoes. You're tired, overworked, underpaid ... and someone sneers at you and says you're stupid, because you collect glasses in a bar.

 

How would you react ?

 

By the way, you have a glass full of red wine in your hand.

[NoPainNoGain]

Glass is half full rather than half empty...

[sti_2004]

do you have bouncers there??

 

if they really piss you off you can hrow them out cant you?

 

i think you should stay. someone on here told me to 'de-sensitize' because i do take things to heart. after you practice that you should be able to realease some comebacks as your not filled with anxiety.

 

 

i think cuting off there beer would drive them nuts.

 

-just remember most people that get drunk as hell are just runing from their insecuritys so the jokes on them.

[Samedy]

You know what, I want to face my demons. I was bullied and bullied at school for looking different, sounding different and not really ever having good comebacks to deter people from hassling me.

 

Put yourself in my shoes. You're tired, overworked, underpaid ... and someone sneers at you and says you're stupid, because you collect glasses in a bar.

 

How would you react ?

 

By the way, you have a glass full of red wine in your hand.

 

Please don't take this the wrong way, but how do you feel about waiting tables?

 

There is nothing wrong with that job, however, if you start getting really hurt and offended by people making these comments, there might be a part of you that thinks it's true...? I know that's the case for me, if it hits close to home I tend to get offended more.

[froufrou]

Some places I go, people are kind to me and seem to like me. I can be myself and even when I mess up or goof around, people are just fine with that.

 

This bar is filled with people who comment on my accent, my dress-sense, my behaviour ... all really negatively. Maybe I just don't fit in. Maybe I should just go.

 

It's like being back at school again.

[Samedy]

There's no shame in quitting a bad job. If you've just started it might be quit sooner than later, and look for employment elsewhere.

[NoPainNoGain]

Make sure you get a job before you quit..

[NoPainNoGain]

I love my job. All my co workers are great... We are all characters with character....

[froufrou]

thank you all for your posts

 

I have *no* idea what I'm going to do

 

but I feel less alone

 

thank you again

[Samedy]

You're welcome FrouFrou..

 

Welcome to ENA

[shes2smart]

Y'know, maybe you're just not cut out for that kind of job.

 

I'm in the midst of a job search right now and learning that my particular mix of personality traits with some types of jobs are not a good fit at all. Wouldn't matter how hard I tried at those jobs...I might become competent, but probably wouldn't learn to enjoy it. It wouldn't have anything to do with "facing my demons." It's just facing the fact that I'm not now, nor have I ever been a "people person," don't really care what others think of me, and have an independent streak a mile wide...well, those things don't fit real well in the context of a customer-service type job. However, if you're talking about a job where you'd work mostly alone for long periods of time with very little contact with co-workers or customers, I'd excel in that sort of position.

 

So, before you make this something you can/must "overcome," I think you need to figure out if your basic personality (which we can't really change) is perhaps a poor match to this type of work.

[Lucy__lou]

This bar is filled with people who comment on my accent, my dress-sense, my behaviour ... all really negatively. Maybe I just don't fit in. Maybe I should just go.

 

people who judge people they don't know negatively, are petty and unfortunate creatures. Unfortunately there are times in our careers where we have to do less than ideal jobs.

 

It takes a lot of strength and confidence to stay cool when people ridicule you... I am different as well and I've been bullied for all sorts of things when I was in high school, and it's taken me a really long time to gain my strength and get a real sense of self worth, but what I've learned is that the strength and confidence and good healthy self esteem has to come from deep inside, and only when you are very strong inside can you endure such negative treatment. And even then it's still horrible. Because even if you know you're ok, it's hurtful when people's intentions are to hurt you. So ideally you don't want to be around such people if you can avoid it...

 

Some people suggested I wasn't cut out for hospitality when I was working in that field, because I wasn't a bubbly extrovert, and other things mabye... but really, the way I look at it, the hospitality industry is one sick puppy. It's

a watered down ancestor of the caste system, where some serve and others are served. It has a lot of unhealthy aspects to it, the low pay. the heirarchies, and the fact that it tends to draw in people who take trivial things like how you dress and how bubbly you are real serious... I personally think that the hospitality industry has to change in a way that the staff have way more dignity. I mean, there are only so many jobs you can do when you're unqualified....

[BYOB]

Should I leave this job ? Or should I face my demons ?

 

You know the best answer isn't always yes or no.

To those questions, I say:

 

Both!

[CaptainPlanet]

Stay at your job until you find another that pays just as well the bottom line is that you need money.

 

Take this as an opportunity to build charecter.

[CaptainPlanet]

What's the best way to earn money quickly ? Get a job in a bar, I thought.

 

There is always a catch to making fast money and what you should do depends on whether or not they're paying you for the right to act the way that they do.

 

I still stress that if you need money you should stay.

 

It has a lot of unhealthy aspects to it, the low pay. the heirarchies, and the fact that it tends to draw in people who take trivial things like how you dress and how bubbly you are real serious... I personally think that the hospitality industry has to change in a way that the staff have way more dignity. I mean, there are only so many jobs you can do when you're unqualified....

 

Are you an Australian ? I thought you were but I might be wrong if so: there are lots of jobs around and no one is forced to work in hospitality, rather the opposite. I once offered a female friend out of great concern that I would get her a job at my place of employment because she described hers badly. She laughed and refused after I spoke to my manager, got the application and put in a good word. Latter I found out she was getting 50 to 60 dollars a night in tips plus her hourly wage of $17 per hour.

 

A male friend of mine worked in hospitality, similarily complaining but refusing to work in any other industry.

 

We all make a decision where to work and it is not an individual industries fault if its workers are not as well paid as the next. Nowdays I prefer to examine the trends accross a bulk of similar industries, requiring similar skills sets.

 

The fact is pertaining to the OP, you need to decide what you need money wise before making any decisions.