Jealousy of best friend's relationship

[BronzedSkin123]

I have often talked about the friend that I let go b/c I was so jealous of her having a boyfriend..well a year later she came to my house to reunite and give our friendship another try. I was very shocked to see her. She said, we have too long of a history to just throw everything away.

 

This made me feel very good. It says a lot for somene to come and find you after a whole year after a messy argument

 

but I feel so guilty because I am still jealous of her having a boyfriend. I have had no luck finding the right guy, and when I hear her & the boyfriend "I love you" to each other it only resurfaces feelings of lonliness I have, more than ever. Especially since my mother feels 'sorry' for me for not having a boyfriend. And I am really the only one out of my peers who isn't coupled with anybody. Everyone is getting married or coupling and I am still alone..I really don't want to get so depressed that I'll need therapy but it's going down that road

[jengh]

It really sucks being the only single one, doesn't it? I can relate 100%. Since the new year, my best friend got engaged and pregnant and three of my closest friends got engaged and a handful of other friends started relationships. I'm literally the ONLY single one... sigh.

 

It's so hard not to be jealous, especially when they're the friends you used to see several times a week, talk to every day...and now, they're in relationships and you hardly see them.

 

It's so depressing... I don't really have much advice for you. I'm the girl who goes to the bar alone just for some social interaction...

[BronzedSkin123]

it sucks

[jettison]

Everyone that is currently married, enaged, or dating someone serious will likely be, someday, single again, or if not, miserable in their relationship. The odds say that's true.

 

I'm not pointing this out so that you can revel in the future misery of your companions and friends, but rather, so that you recognize that life's cycles affect everyone.

 

One of my favorite quotes ever is "You have to sleep before you wake."

 

We can't be "awake" all the time. You have to be down to ever be up. You can't just skip that step. People that have gone without a relationship for quite some time, once they find one, they are sometimes so relieved, so ecstatic, so in love, that they experience emotions and feelings of love and well being that far surpass those experienced by longterm couples that live in relative safety and comfort.

 

"Only the lonely can play." Who sung that again? Was that Pat Benetar? Well, it's true. Couples tend to have very even lives. If they are committed, it evens out their life so that their lows aren't so low, but it may also extinguish the highs that come with newfound love and romance.

 

So again, remember that if you're single that you ware where you're suppose to be. You are asleep, and it is merely a precursor to the day that you will wake. This is ok. And the more that you accept this, and the more you're ok with your cycle, with your fate, the easier it will be to find that mate you're looking for... because you won't actually be looking any longer. They will just find you.

[BronzedSkin123]

I never had luck with guys. When I had friends hook me up with other guys, they never have a good impression of me--I am "boring, crazy or weird"..I fear men now. When they approach me, I immediately give them the cold shoulder because I know they won't like me. They will just have the same opinion about me like everybody else

[Crazyaboutdogs]

A very good post. So true.

 

The song you mentioned is by the Motels.

[lady00]

I used to feel like you do until I realize what Jettison mentioned...being coupled up doesn't equal instant happiness. By the same token, being single doesn't equal instant loneliness. It has more to do with how you think about yourself and how you value yourself. I feel bad for you that your mother feels the need to tell you she feels sorry for you. You are a 23-year-old single woman. There is nothing to feel sorry for! You should be happy and enjoying life, keeping active. I'm really enjoying the single life. Yes, I do go on dates, but I'm not allowing my being single to make me feel bad.

 

You are not your relationship status. You should be proud and happy about yourself, including your single-ness because there's nothing wrong with it. I think you need to try to embrace it and face it. Going on more dates might help you get over your fear of men. Just keep trying to meet more guys and hopefully it will get less scary the more you do it.

 

The conclusion I have come to after a long period of feeling exactly the way you do is this: being coupled-up is not a worthy goal to have--but being coupled up with the right guy in a mutually loving and compatible relationship is. It's something to strive for, sure, if that's important to you. I personally am fine being single for the foreseeable future. But I understand where people are coming from when they feel that they would like to to be in a relationship. I think the first step is being 100% truly happy and comfortable in your (single) shoes. I don't think a happy relationship can happen in the absense of those positive feelings about yourself and your single status.

 

I changed the way that I think about being single and as a result I'm happier now than I ever was when I was dating someone. I know what I'm looking for in a guy and I hope I find it, but I know I am 100% happy and whole without it--and I think that is a key part of finding love.

[catwalk]

A few things: first, your friends, if they are the same age as you, most likely won't end up with the partners they have. If they were crazy enough (sorry!) to get married really young, you might end up having to be there for most of them when they divorce before 25!

second, have you tried online dating sites? you'd be surprized how many guys are out there that are a great match for you that you normally wouldn't meet in other circles! YOUR friends could soon be envious of YOUR relationship!

[Bunney]

See this kind of things makes me really sick. The pressure of "having" to be in a relationship. So what if all your friends have a partner? Does it mean they're happy? Does it mean they will STAY happy? Most likely not. Be GLAD that you're not getting married at such young age. It's just stupid, so many young people get married very young now just cause it's "fashion". 'Everyone else has a partner so I gotta get myself one, too!' - I just hate that kind of mentality.

 

Seriously, let's face it - single people have a LOT more freedom than people in a relationship. That's just a fact. Freedom is happiness to me. Not having to take care of anyone else's needs. Not having to worry about what my partner will think, will it bother him or make him jealous if I do this or that blabla. You just do whatever you want, when you want and not having to worry how it will affect your partner. You plan your future without having to take someone else's situation into account.

 

 

I get so annoyed by society's pressure to have a partner, there is so much more to life than dating and a relationship. Enjoy your 'freedom' while it lasts, and when the time is right the right guy will come around.