I could really use some advice. Please someone help. Please.

[wildisthewind]

Last night my girlfriend told me she didn't think she was in love with me anymore. The past couple of weeks have been hell for us. It all started with this mutual friend who told me she was in love with me. And at the time I thought I shared feelings for her also. Everything just went hectic after that and I was told not to have any contact with the girl ever again. Unfortunately, that girl also happened to be my best and ONLY friend so I got in touch with her twice: to wish her a happy thanksgiving and to ask if I should even bother fighting for our frienship. This girl told two other people who in turn told my girlfriend.

 

We decided to remain together anyway. I promised I would never do something like that again and I meant it. However, I have given her no reason to trust me but I was really going to work hard at getting her turst back. She is everything to me and I don't want to lose her.

 

So, when she told me she didn't think she was in love with me anymore last night. We both cried, a lot. She said she wanted to be in love with me and she couldn't imagine living without me and made me promise to never leave her. I feel the same way, only I AM in love with her. And I just don't know what to do.

 

How can I rekindle what we had? We agreed to keep trying because the thought of living without each other devestates us. But I don't know how to make her fall back in love with me. I'm willing to do anything, I'm willing to change, to do anything. Please, someone, just help me. Please.

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

What is wrong with you two? Huh, What is wrong with you guys and why are you hurting eachother this way. You two are being rediculous. She loves you and you know it, she is in love with you but she is hurt. Sometimes too much honesty is just that,..."TOO MUCH" i hope you didnt tell her you shared feeling for this friend, if you did then you made her feel like she has to put her guard up. So now she wants to convince herself that its not love so that she can escape the pain of what you and this "SO CALLED " friend have put her through.

 

PUT YOURSELF IN HER SHOES!!

How would you feel if she shared feelings for her "One and Only Male friend" as if to say your not even her friend, your just her man, but this guy, oh this guy gets the works. I mean come on, that is some painful stuff to hear. Most women are jealous and then here you go adding to the fire by admitting that you almost could have strayed...BAD BOY *two spankings*

 

She loves you, and she is still in love with you, she is just hurt. Try to make it up to her, but not too much smothering her will just push her further away, until she may actaully start believing that she doesnt love you the same. I SHOULD KNOW, i'm a woman.

 

Cut that friend loose, and let her know that she and you can't remain friend s with this sort of pressure and mixed feelings. If you want to keep this woman in your life (YOUR GIRLFRIEND THAT IS) then you need to do this for the both of you.

 

Be best friends with your lady, not this other woman with hidden motives.

[wildisthewind]

I didn't want to tell her. But I had to. Also, I didn't have any feelings for our 'friend' (who i am no longer in touch with because she is not worth all of this, at all. Even though I am allowed to speak to her again. I just don't want to.) I never meant to hurt her. I really didn't. I'm incredibly sorry for everything I put her through and I would do anything to change what has happened.

 

My girlfriend is my best friend, and I'm trying to make it up to her. I just don't know how.

[lil_mamarains13]

This is difficult I know because I don't have hardly any friends either. My friend is in another state, and my bf is 3 hours away so I am feeling pretty lonely. You have to think about this one hard. Is you gf worth losing your only friend for. Is she the one you want to wake up to every morning for the rest of your life. When you screw up a friendship like that sometimes you can't get it back. You have to weigh your importance. You don't want to go through like with What If's on your mind. Many people may disagree with me on this, but that is how I feel. Be sure of what you want before you make any kind of move because you will only get hurt, hurt your gf, and hurt your friend worse than if you think it through thoroughly.

[The Morrigan]

SweetyPie hit a lot of it right on. She's hurt, and is getting a bit of distance for herself in response to that. You have to allow it and not push her - actions speak louder than words when it comes to rebuilding trust. Be there, but let her control how close she's comfortable with for now

 

A couple of other points - it is one thing to tell a friend you have feelings for them when they're not in a relationship and see if it can lead somewhere. It is quite a different story when they're happily committed. Good friends do not put their friends in this position. She should not have made a "confession" of being in love with you knowing you were happy with your gf. You're right - she's NOT worth that. There are some things you just do NOT do, out of respect - and that is most definitely one of them.

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

Sorry but to some extent, I have to not agree with Lil Mam,

 

Truth be told, this friend is no real friend to you, look at all the trouble her selfish confessions has caused you and the woman who you love and cherish dearly. Sorry but the only what ifs you need to be weighing in your mind is simply "What if my lady doesnt feel special" or "What if she doesnt like my x'mas gift " or "what if she thinks i'm not in love with her" that's the what if.

 

You know this is exactly why me and my man have no other friends that arent mutual group friends, you know why? Well because people always think you'll just wait around for them, but then when you up and get another person in your life, like a girlfriend then all of a sudden the person who didnt even notice you before, now all of a sudden has seen the light, now they have a testimony, they have this undying love for you. That person just has to tell you. That so called "FRIEND" sounds like a women with hidden motives the whole time, and thought you were like most men, and she could steal you away from your poor trusting innocent unsuspecting lady. TOOTLEs to the friend, and you love your lady, and forget about this girl. She needs to get a man and stop looking for someone elses.

 

*sorry if i'm being harsh here, its just I went through something very semilar ok*

xoxo

hugs and kisses to you and good luck.

[Beec]

I will not address what this other woman did, if you are not having contact with her. You shouldn't have contact with her. Also, I won't judge her actions. Stealing another persons mate is a long and distinguished line of work. It happens, people try to do it. It works for some. Someone else may try to steal you away again. The real issues are: 1. How to keep your gf; 2. How to let her know it won't happen again; and 3. How to deal with it, if it does happen again.

 

You didn't actually cheat on your gf, but emotionally and, maybe otherwise, you were tempted. Temptation happens. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence. If your tempted, be strong enough not to do anything and then keep your mouth shut about your thoughts of desire for another. It's that simple. You will have the thoughts, just keep them to yourself.

 

Letting her know it won't happen again is tough. You need to make her feel secure like she is the only woman you want. And that she will figure that out and you will be the only one she wants. She may want or ask for some other reasssurances, figure out what they are, and give her waht is reassurance, but don't give up things just because she needs control: you want her, but you don't need her at any cost.

 

You cannot chase her, but need to be very firm in that idea in that YOU WANT HER AND ONLY HER. This is a thin line to walk. How to play it, give her time to feel hurt, don't push her, let her be alone but know how to get hold of you (be available and let her know that, but not always there).

[Cid]

Take it slow show her that you still love her. remember it will take time.