Help me keeep her out of my mind...

[Keyman]

My ex and I were only together a total of 14 months. I've had longer relationships, yet for this one brought out an intensity in me that took me a long time to understand. We first broke up 6 months ago, but it dragged on because neither of us could let go. We have a crazy connection that when we were with each other we can't get enough of each other, but our ideas of what we wanted in a relationship was completely different. A shame, great chemistry, but such different ideals.

 

For the last 6 months, I have become rather obsessed with trying to make it work and with her in general. A councillor has told me that I became like this because the relationship because a challenge that I wanted to figure out how to make it work. So I set about doing everything I could to fix the relationship while she got on with her life. During this time I got an apartment and stayed there for half of the time and with her half of the time.

 

A month ago we broke up again and two weeks later I moved completely out, but we still kept contact while I started dating. I told her that I don't wish to maintain a friendship with her, but found it difficult to stay away from her. We have met up a few times since and it pretty much covered everything except sex. It seems that she wants a friendship with me where we can kiss and cuddle, but not have to go any further. I told her that I would only do that if we became friends with extra with sex as well. Kinda like an incentive for me to be friends with her. She, of course, said no. So, as I should have done from the beginning, I asked for No Contact.

 

This isn't the first time that I've asked for NC, but every other time I end up contacting her, or she sees me at the train station etc and we end up hanging out, then kissing and cuddling. But this time I want it to be for real.

I've changed trains, I walk different ways, I don't have her numbers or email, I've started dating, yet she still comes to mind and I find it very difficult to get her out. It's like she is torturing me.

 

My friends have been great, but they think that at an opportunities notice I will run off back to her.

 

Help, I don't want to contact her, I don't want to see her or speak to her or even think about her. How can I stop? I know that time will help, but if I make contact, I'll have to start all over again...

[TAB1234]

you need to do what she's doing ie. get on with your life. try and keep yoruself busy, go to the gym, see friends, study/work/better yourself. Do you have any goals (apart from wanting to have sex with her? ). Next time you meet her try and be cool and relaxed and try not to think ant getting her in the sack too much. Just talk about how busy you are with gym and talk about happy/positive stuff and exciting things you want from life. If you start talking in the future tense she might see you in her future rather than you currently just trying to do anything to be with her. She knows she can have you anytime so she's playing it cool. If she knows that you're off limits you might intrigue/become a challenge for her.

[brian123]

I agree. She seems like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Move on and enjoy your life. Keep yourself busy and meet new people.

[Keyman]

Thanks for the responses. The thing is, I don't want her in my life anymore, if anything I know that she wont sleep with me so I am using it as a means to get her to stay away.

 

I am doing all the things that you state I should do, but it's the constant memory of her coming into my head that is frustrating me. It's like I have to fight myself to not contact her. I am not planning to see her anymore, I just want the want for her to go away so I can be happy.

 

I guess time is the only healer in this...