Should I encourage her to move back with him? I kind of want her gone.

[justanotherhurtguy]

The last year and a half has been bad with my ex. Up and down, she goes back to her ex, then comes back to me, then back to him. Now she is talking to him, saying the same old thing again...

 

"I like him still"

 

"He knows me so well..."

 

"We can talk about politics."

 

She's basically settling for his controlling self and I'm sick of trying to keep her. She mentioned moving back in with him (this is twice now) and leaving the apartment to me. She would still pay half the rent and I told her to take everything of hers. I would only be paying $400 a month for a top floor apartment with a good view.

 

At first I was against the idea, but the more I think about it, the more appealling it sounds. What do you think? Should I encourage her to move back with him? She talks about him more and more and hearing his name makes me upset. I want her gone. Any advice?

[DN]

If you want her gone then sure. Tell her it seems obvious she would be more happy with him. You could even offer to help her move.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I think DN's right.

 

Just remember, don't depend on her for half the rent. Make sure you can afford the apartment yourself first.

[Emernate]

I'm confused. You want her to leave, but you still want her to pay rent? Thats not going to work.

 

If you want her out, you have to do it cleanly so there is no confusion if it doesn't work out with her and the boyfriend. Otherwise, in a few months you might have her showing up on the doorstep with some bags saying she is moving back in. Then you are right back in the same place you are now.

[tazthecat]

If someone doesn't want you ,and only you, 100%, tell them good luck in life and find someone who will...

[justanotherhurtguy]

Well, the good thing is my name is not on the lease at all. The only problem would be if her controlling ex told her to break her lease.

 

I just talked to her and took DN's advice about helping her move. She kept asking, "will you still be my friend?" I was like "uh... sure." But I'm hoping to go completely NC when she leaves. We even set a date for her to move out next weekend.

 

I'm actually excited. And while I was thinking about this something came to mind...

 

I think I'm getting over her! Yay!

[DN]

Well, I wouldn't have advised telling her you will still be her friend. She has to deal with the consequences of choosing him over you - and that means not having you as a lover or as a friend.

[ghozt]

Shes picked him over you so id do as the other have said, tell her youll help get moving but once she dose let her know she no longer welcomed back because if she needs to learn that she cant keep going back and fourth

[BeStrongBeHappy]

At this point you should be packing her bags and putting them outside the door! You are not her mommy or best buddy who has to listen to her talk about her crush on someone else. That is so insensitive, rude and immature of her.

 

Just sit her down and tell her it's time to get on with it. Tell her to pick a day to move out, and start packing.

[NoPainNoGain]

Your doing yourself a major disservice if you dont cut her out of your life

[pumpkinmoon]

I don't know how you have out up with that for so long!!!! Tell her to go and be with him, you don't need this crap! Look at the time you have wasted with her, you could have met someone deserving of you in this time

[Emernate]

Well, the good thing is my name is not on the lease at all. The only problem would be if her controlling ex told her to break her lease.

 

Thats not the only problem. You could be forced to leave at any moment without her breaking the lease. Also, repairs/emergencies with the apartment generally would have to be relayed through her.

[justanotherhurtguy]

Well, I wouldn't have advised telling her you will still be her friend. She has to deal with the consequences of choosing him over you - and that means not having you as a lover or as a friend.

 

Yeah, I was hesitant on responding to her. She wanted to know if we would still hang out and I told her that she needs to stick with her bf and not go back and forth. She's all happy with him again, but that will probably change after she's with him 24/7 again and he's trying to control her. Once again she said. "Oh people change." Uh right, she said that exact same line last time and guess what happened.

 

I don't know how you have out up with that for so long!!!! Tell her to go and be with him, you don't need this crap! Look at the time you have wasted with her, you could have met someone deserving of you in this time

 

I don't know either. I was an idiot that was trying to force something that was beyond my control. Yeah, I was hurt. But I've taken a look at things and realized that there's so many girls out there. Why should I be bogged down with this one? I've got friends that want to hang out and even a couple girls that want me to hang out with me. I don't want to miss out on any more opportunities crying over her. I can't wait for her to leave.

[servedcold]

Well, the good thing is my name is not on the lease at all. The only problem would be if her controlling ex told her to break her lease.

 

 

This is a likely result. Some states have statutory requirements that require 60 day out clauses in residential leases. I'd try to read the lease carefully before encouraging her to move. Some other things to think about are that he may not really want her. He's been able to live as single, yet has her when he wants her. Much different living together. Is it possible that she is blowing smoke about moving back with him? Is it possible that by talking about moving, she hopes to have you move out? If the landlord gets wind of her moving, they may have a lease provision allowing them to cancel the lease, or insist that you sign a lease. Not trying to scare you, but do think out all the possibilities before "helping" her find the door.