when breaking up is it the truth or it it lies?

[SeaBisquit]

do you think that when someone breaks up with you that there telling you the truth? i mean do people really tell the truth about breaking up? because my boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue and i just don't understand. i want to believe what he told me but it's hard too. we were getting along so well and we saw each other almost everyday. he had even made comments that he had not felt this way about someone in along time.

 

when he broke up with me i was shocked. i didn't even have a clue anything was wrong between us. when he broke up with me he said he was confused and that his head was all messed up and that when he was ready to date he would call me if i was still available.

 

i asked him if he would talk to me more about why he's is breaking it off with me and he said he was a * * * * * * * .

[greywolf]

I'd say it really depends on the person. It sounds like he just has commitment issues.

[MrMango]

from my experience theres always someone else when theres an out of the blue breakup.

 

Im not trying to be mean, but thats just my experience.

[KAT MOMMY]

I don't think that the reason given on a intial breakup is the truth at the least bit. I for one feel that the only reason a man leaves one woman is for another woman. Usually when the woman is the dumper there a valid reason to justify the seperation.

[MrMango]

I don't think that the reason given on a intial breakup is the truth at the least bit. I for one feel that the only reason a man leaves one woman is for another woman. Usually when the woman is the dumper there a valid reason to justify the seperation.

 

ahahha stop.

 

women always have someone waiting before a break up.

[Litgirl01]

See if you relate to this:

 

link removed

[ResonanceTheory]

It's not always truth. I'm not saying that people are incapable of telling the truth when they break up with you, but sometimes you can just tell. For example, a friend of mine seemed to have a great relationship with her boyfriend, they went out for nearly a year, and then *bam*...out of the blue, he broke up with her. His reasons? Well, he told her that they "just didn't like the same movies/shows and stuff". It was clearly a lie, and soon after, my friend found out that the REAL reason he broke up with her was because he was interested in pursuing a relationship with someone else and didn't want to cheat.

 

I think that some people lie when they break up because they want to maintain their "reputation" and not look like a total jerk by telling you the real reasons why they want to break up. This was especially true in the example I gave, because the guy just didn't want to look like a jerk who dumped her to move on to another girl. He may also not want to hurt you, so he's lying to keep painful facts from you. However, I don't think that's fair, because it prevents you from moving on, because you're always wondering why he REALLY broke up with you.

[greywolf]

Sometimes I think people are so confused that they don't even know themselves

[SeaBisquit]

when he broke up with me i asked him if there was someone else. he said no and that if he were to date someone it would be me.

[riley123]

Listen, I know the easiest thing to do in these situations is scrutinize every last word and action, but it’s not worth it. Don’t drive yourself crazy. The bottom line is that for whatever reason, he decided that he didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. If he did leave you for someone else, then he’s not worth crying over. Yes, rejection hurts, but it also means that he was not the person for you.

 

Your best bet it to accept the fact that it’s over and move on. I’m guessing that because he did leave you so suddenly, that there’s a strong possibility y the he’ll come around at some point to get you back, but you shouldn’t lower yourself for someone who is so callous with your feelings.

 

Good luck!

[george237]

when he broke up with me i asked him if there was someone else. he said no and that if he were to date someone it would be me.

 

Chances are there is nobody else. When I break up with somebody the last thing I want is another relationship. Don't worry about it.

[Tethys]

I don't think dumpers tell the truth -- they want to minimize the hurt to ease their own conscience. No one wants to tell the person they have been intimate for months or years all the little things that began to annoy them or plain turned them off. And, really, who wants to hear it? It's easier to make up a bunch of stuff, break up, and leave it at that.

 

Of course, that leaves the dumpee in a bad position because of the "closure issue." Better to not focus on that elusive "closure" and move on and forget, learn from that experience and move on and be better, however one might define "better."

[SeaBisquit]

sometimes it's not easy to tell the truth when you break up with someone. i have altered the truth a little. only because i didn't want hurt feelings. for the most part i'm honest and i have never dumped someone for somebody else.

[Tethys]

sometimes it's not easy to tell the truth when you break up with someone. i have altered the truth a little. only because i didn't want hurt feelings. for the most part i'm honest and i have never dumped someone for somebody else.

 

Case in point!

[Brokenhearted87]

They lie. To assuage their guilt and so as to have them leave us still in a positive light.

[musashi]

I would say that 90% of the time, no matter what the dumper says, it is because of someone else. They may not have someone lined up already but they want someone else. Especially the "I love you but not in love with you", "I do not feel the same way anymore", "I do not love you as much as you love me", "I think we need a break", vague and nonsensical excuses.

 

On a side note, It has amazed me how someone can be in a relationship and "fall out of love" or whatever with the other partner and NEVER say anything to them until the end. In all of my relationships I communicate everything. If something bothers me about them, I tell them so we can work on it. If I start to feel differently about them, I tell them so we can work on it. These people who pull the bull * * * * excuses out of their butts about their feelings faded or falling out of love or blah blah blah are selfish and deceitful people. What they are really saying is "hey, it was fun for awhile screwing you and all but I want something new now".

[Brokenhearted87]

THANK YOU FOR PHRASING IT BETTER FOR ME MUSASHI!!!!!!!!!!!

 

It is so unfair!!! Speak up DURING the relationship for God's sake!!

[musashi]

when he broke up with me i asked him if there was someone else. he said no and that if he were to date someone it would be me.

 

I got that exact same line. She is now dating her dream guy who is obviously not me.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Most people do try to sugarcoat it a bit if they feel guilty. they try to find some way to leave that will cause the least drama.

 

But sometimes they tell the truth too... If they have been hiding something for a long time and just decide, what the heck, i'm tired of pretending. You tend to get more honest answers if someone gets angry and blurts it out.

 

They will also spin things for partial truths. Like 'let's take a break' when they really mean they want a permanent breakup, and just haven't told you. Or 'I just need more space and time alone' might mean more space and time in which to see someone else.'

[musashi]

It is truly mindboggling. I am the kind of person that puts a great deal of effort into relationships. If I feel that my partner is losing interest, I ramp it up to win her back. If I start to dislike something, I bring it up and work for compromise. When my ex dropped the bomb on me out of no where - there was no warning or red flags - I was shocked. Only days before she had told me how much she loved me and that I was the only one for her. Then she breaks up with me and tells me that she "does not feel the same way about me". What the hell is that? How did that happen? Could you be any more less specific?

 

Two months later she calls and tells me how much she misses me and that if she could be dating anyone it would be me, blah, blah, blah. So we start the relationship again, tentatively. Then, three months later she drops the BIG bomb on me that she has found somone else that she wants to pursue a relationship with. What!? Then, to top it off, she sends me a "closure" email a week later telling me how she never thought I was the "one" the whole time we were dating and that it was an "emotional struggle" for her our whole relationship. Again: What!?!? Why not talk to me about it during the relationship? Why tell me I am the greatest, most wonderful guy she has ever met if she had doubts?

 

I lost so much respect for her. Either she was lying to me then or lying to me now. Either way, it was all bull * * * * . If a person does not have the guts to tell you they are losing feelings for you during a relationship so you can work on it, or they do not have the guts to truly tell you why they are breaking up, they are not worth the trouble. Who knows what kind of wacky crap they have flying around in their mind. Basket cases, all.

[Brokenhearted87]

Musashi I am going to copy your posts on this thread and print them out so I can read over them and remind myself that my ex is the one with the problems lol!! Everything you have said in the first paragraph above can be applied to my break up. There weren't red flags, and that is not me lying to myself, that is just fact. It came from nowhere, my ex even admitted that he understood how much of a shock it was for me because "nothing is broken and we don't have any problems".

 

Thanks again.