Death of family friend and parents reaction

[Jlizzy]

Not sure under which forum to post this.

 

My dad's longest friend of 50 years died last night. We found out 2 hours ago.

I've been hysterical and bawling my eyes out. My Dad who's a real macho man and pertty much NEVER cries came in teary eyed after the phone call to break the new. My mum appears to me to be not upset at all and she's not a cold hearted woman by any means...I've seen her get upset...so my dad I can kind of understand...my mum no...

 

I've spoken to my 2 best friends in the past 2 hours for support.

Before coming online now my dad was happily telling me some longwinded story about his friend back in the days and my mum was doing a whole "let's go over his life thing"...I couldn't listen...I'm in a daze and such a lighthearted conversation at this moment to me is painful and frustrating...

 

I eventually concluded he was a bit like an uncle to me which is part of the reason I'm so upset.

My friend also pointed out I've had some rough moments of late.

 

I'm just looking for advice really on my parents reaction. I can't understand them at this moment and I guess I'm feeling kind of embaressed or out of place or something that I am the one in bits after hearing the news whilst my parents seemingly happily go about their things!

 

Please help.

[DN]

They are grieving in their own way - and telling stories about him is a good way.

 

I went to a funeral of a good friend last year - the church was packed to overflowing. About a dozen people who knew him; friends, colleagues, some of his students, told stories of him and what he done for them, how he made them laugh, how he supported them. It was a celebration of his life not a mourning of his death.

[15 Storeys High]

Your mother is attempting to be the strong figure for everyone else to lean on, particularly your dad. He was your dad's oldest friend. Your mother knows that and knows your father is going to need a pillar of strength. That's how she's doing it.

[RayKay]

Anytime someone in my family, or a friend of mine, and even a late boyfriend of mine has died, we have spent time talking about the joy they brought to our lives - sharing stories that others have not heard, remembering them fondly....

 

Celebrating one's life in my opinion is a wonderful way to grieve and remember them. It does not mean you aren't hurting.

[Jlizzy]

Really appreciating the responses.It helps a lot.

I do understand that a great way to grieve and remember someone is to celebrate and share stories but the news was broken only 3 hours ago. My mother seems fine fine fine and my father seemed upset only a while...my mother would have known this guy as long as my dad pretty much....How am I so upset and she isn't? I feel kind of embaressed too....

 

Am also majorly upset because -a he died alone when all he desired was a family

b- He called me countless times in recent months...I never answered his call nor called him back....it was on my list of things to do when I had time

[DN]

You don't know that she isn't upset. All you see is what she is choosing to show at the moment and she is dealing with it as best she can.

 

Don't project how you show your emotions and suppose that other people aren't feeling the same in a different way.

[RayKay]

You don't know that she isn't upset. All you see is what she is choosing to show at the moment and she is dealing with it as best she can.

 

Don't project how you show your emotions and suppose that other people aren't feeling the same in a different way.

 

Exactly.

 

People grieve VERY differently. I went to a friends wedding a few days after my boyfriend of 5 years died....some thought that was callous. I personally knew that he would of wanted me to go (they were his friends too) and would rather me be out dancing then moping around at home. It did not mean I was not hurting a hell of a lot inside....

[Jlizzy]

True point about people grieving differently. It's jsut that my mum's very open with her emotions and if she's hurt obviously I know it...she's my mother...though yeah maybe she's being strong for my dad...

[chasey]

Your mother is attempting to be the strong figure for everyone else to lean on, particularly your dad. He was your dad's oldest friend. Your mother knows that and knows your father is going to need a pillar of strength. That's how she's doing it.

 

 

Definitely!